Toddler and preschooler support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

18 months ago I posted about how the hell I would cope when my DH went back to work and I was alone with my nearly 2 year old and my 10 day old. The good news is that I did cope and that we are a long way from those dark dark days.

I am however struggling with this current phase - a demanding stubbornly independent and not sleeping brilliantly 18 month old and a demanding whiny and bursting into hysterical tears because, well, just because, 3.5 year old. They are both wonderful and amazing as well but I am drained, exhausted, fed up of mealtimes and dreading the winter months.

I also didnt go back to work after DD was born and although in some ways this was the right decision - I had a very stressful long hours job - which I don't think was compatible with a young family - I think Im struggling with being a SAHM. DD is about to go to nursery 2 days a week (which her brother already does). I'm dreading the settling as she is as clingy as she is fiercely independepent, if that makes sense, but I want to use tht time to get back a bit of 'me', work out what I do next and be a better less shouty, impatient mother, and to rescue a but of my and DH's relationship.

I guess I just wondered whether anyone else frequently feels like running away? I thought that I'd have it all sorted by this point. And I so don't. Sorry - bit of a pity post.

Argh. This time iPhone not to blame.

.. Constant fighting and screaming. No idea what we'll do today. Weather looks awful but its our penultimate day of holiday so I don't want to wish it away.

Who's got exciting plans?

And YY to being always on my hands and knees wiping something.

Enjoy your day. It's gloomy here too.

The GPS are coming over this morning, I'm looking forward to leaving a room by myself [grins]

Dc watching Kung foo panda playing with their animals while I have a cup of tea. Calm for the next five mins.

DS up every fecking hour last night. Gut wrenching screams that would only subside after some serious rock-and-bouncing. My back is killing me!

Back to the docs for better reflux meds today.....

Thank god it's not just me. When I saw the SAHM 'what do you do with a toddler' thread the other day, I thought about starting one like this but bottled it.
I have a 3.9yr old and 22mth old, both boys. DS2 is still up several times a night, so I'm exhausted all the time. I have no patience with them, and I feel mortified at the amount of shouting I do. My mum was a shouter and I always vowed I wouldn't be like that.
How I laugh to myself when I think about how 'hard' I thought it was with a newborn and toddler. That was the easy bit! It is so much harder now as there are two of them to chase/listen to whining, fighting...
I'm a SAHM. Every morning I wish I could swap places with DH as he practically runs out the door to work.
I had no idea that having two kids could be so hard. DH and I often row about discuss where we may have gone wrong, as no one else seems to be struggling as much as us. I guess people don't want to admit to it. So glad I found you lot!

That's sounds horrendous saycool how old is he? My ds2 had reflux. Gaviscon in every feed worked for us.

Hello stuffed I can relate to that, I feel the rage sometimes when dh merrily skips off to work leaving me with the dc. He often works away too and I envy his free evenings having a pint and meal cooked for him.

Oh Stuffed I was hoping it would get easier when DS is bigger!

DS is on Gaviscon but is making him severely and painfully constipated - blood in poo etc (sorry for tmi so early..)

Over the last couple of years, DH has still been going off on lots of stag/lads' weekends. While I have never spent the night away from home. I keep threatening to go on a spa weekend but I never do - mostly as I'd feel guilty spending that sort of money on myself (which we can ill afford), and guilt at leaving DH with the boys all weekend - how ridiculous is that?! Knowing my luck, I'd book it and end up at the noisiest hotel from hell... feeling v sorry for myself today, if you hadn't noticed

Stuffed, just book yourself something. Give DH plenty of notice and then just go! He'll have to suck it up. And then maybe he'll understand what you go through on a daily basis.

SayCool - don't get me wrong, certain things definitely do get easier . I found that after DS2 reached 18mths, life in general improved as he could communicate better (signing/first words), and started being able to entertain himself for a bit longer so I could go on mumsnet do chores.
I guess the challenges just change as they get older. But life would just be so much better if DS2 would just bloody sleep at night. He's decided to drop his nap lately too. And because he's tired all the time, he's very clingy and crabby.
I'm not making this sound any better am I?

Thank you for making me feel soooo much better!! I have a 3.5 year old and a 6 month old. I find myself jealous of old people, just pleasing themselves, sitting down with a cup of tea, the quiet... That can't be good, I'm in my 30's just.

The school holidays near on killed me. My days are so long. Little DD is waking hourly through the night. Her big sis favours early mornings and is full of energy from the start.

I feel like I'm in Groundhog day. All I do is wipe up and put away and make food which is rejected...

Once DD2 has stopped breastfeeding I am planning a night in a local Travelodge style hotel. Just me, some magazines and a ton of wine junk food. I can't wait .

stuffed I second booking yourself some time for yourself wish I could do that

jimmy do you find no matter how much you clean it's never finished? I would give anything just to sit in a nice clean tidy house on my own for 24 hours.

saycool sorry it doesn't get easier, just challenging in a different way. At least they will both start sleeping through one day hopefully and tiredness eases a bit. Ds will entertain themselves for a bit while I do jobs and help by pushing the Hoover and wiping down things with baby wipes [grins] Two mobile toddlers is hard physical work and I shudder at the thought of soft play, parks, beaches etc.

I've got a couple hours peace while they nap so time to crack on with the housework. Don't know why I bother, it will be destroyed again five minutes after they are up

Anyone know any good tips for tantrums and screaming? My ears are broken.

To it not getting better, I was really hoping it would get better once youngest was mobile.

Tantrums and screaming? Ignore ignore ignore. Naughty step if necessary.

I had a rare, rare three hours off this afternoon. I parked both offspring at dd's key worker's house while I did some work. Dh decided to work from home when he heard I was farming them out and we both sat in the lounge with our laptops out, having adult conversations. Then I went round to see a client and enjoyed a cup of tea in his nice clean minimalist kitchen.

It was so nice. . Peaceful. . Grown up. .

I take my hat off to you all with two dcs as I only currently have the one!. A few thoughts...OP don't know if this makes it worse or better but if I think how much easier my 23 month old is now than he was 6 months ago, well, I'm thinking your life should be much easier within 6 months. Can you hold out that long?
And yay for nursery, it's great! buy as much nursery time as you can afford.
I couldn't be a sahm. I took a full years maternity and despite adoring ds, frequently wanted to run away, hated having no mental or physical space to myself. I work 4 days a week now and feel much better in myself. Sahm ing is the hardest job in the world!

Have the same age gap as the OP.
3.5y & 18 months.
Both boys, little one keeps attacking the eldest.
Both driving me mad most of the day.
Then feel guilty once they are asleep that i wasnt more patient/less shouty throughout the day with them.

Had contraceptive implant fitted as can not cope with another as if theres time for sex anyway with youngest climbing into our bed

The simplethings - yes. That's my life at the moment! I wonder why I bother tidying actually .

It is so relentless when your day starts at early o'clock and then when they're both asleep you have to cram in tidying/cooking/looking at your finances blah blah blah....then the night wakings start and then the day starts at early o'clock.........

My mantra is 42, 42, 42 as that's how old I'll be when they're both at school/preschool!!!

Urge! Two hours sleep last night. Youngest has a streaming nose, oldest is constipated and I'm feeling rubbish. Got a playgroup visit for youngest and some shopping to do

Only 12 hours till I can go to bed

Urgh! Not urge

And now 10 hours, simplethings. I'm counting down with you, though I did get 4 hours last night so you still win. Can't believe it's not lunchtime yet - feels like I've been awake for days.

Mounds of washing to do today and a freezer to defrost. Thanks DD2 for opening the freezer door - just enough so that I didn't notice till too late... Random meat casserole for lunch then, I suppose.

And back to peacekeeping duties...

Hello, can I join in

DS is 3.5 and DD 6 months, dd does not sleep. Really. 2 x 10 min naps in day, bed at oohh 8-9pm if lucky, then up few times before 11pm then co sleeping hell & feeding every 2-3 hours.

I have about 40 mins a day where one of them isn't attached to me.

So, I'd like to run away please. India, always fancied India.

Brazil. I've always quite fancied Brazil... . DoingaKaty that sounds hard.

Twattergy thanks for the reassurance. DD is just so manic at the moment. She's got to slow down sometime..

To those with younger siblings, things are better now than they were when DD was 6 months. Definitely. But I just wasn't prepared for the onslaught tht this toddler thing would bring (naive given I'd done it once already). Again naively, I thought that once we'd dine the first year, it would also fall into place. Seriously with my level of self delusion you would never know DD was my second child. Oh and both mine still wake at night. Which was not in the fecking game plan. We decided to go for DC2 during a blissful few months when DS slept through.Then he stopped. Everyone told me your second was always a better sleeper. . She's worse.

Hope your nights were better Cani and simple.

We are back from hols and actually our second week was much better. Especially with DH as we seemed to get into our groove a bit more. And I lowered my expectations! Slightly dreading the return to real life and being at home alone again. But determined to be positive. For a few hours days at least..

Oh can I join please? :) dd is 3.2 and ds is 17 months. It's so difficult at the moment. I just wish I could get a decent nights sleep!

I think when you have sleep you can cope so much better with the fighting/running away/dangerous situations thy get themselves in. So far this week I've had 1 a&e visit (ds drank poisonous essential oil, grabbed it off me and straight o his mouth). I've also managed to have house and car keys stolen this week and a £650 bill to sort both. Dh is not pleased!!

I just hope from here on its going to get easier. I can sort of see the light with dd now, she's much easer to negotiate with and understands so so much. Although she is definitely set in her ways and any elevation from routine is met with a tantrum :)

Deviation from routine ... Ugh! Night all hope people get a full nights sleep.

nooooo, I have a 2.8yo and a 10mo and thought I was nearly home dry. Now you tell me it gets harder?!

I too thought things would get easier (soooooon)? 2.5 & 10 month old DSs here.
All I can say is thank God for their Grampies - my parents - we'd be 6 feet under I fear without them! I feel like a big, fat 38 year old failure somedays when my 69 year old folks toddle off with them both, let me have a kip AND then cook us all dinner! Nb they are very young 69 year olds!!!
DS2 still doesn't do sleeping & DS1 is discovering his personality shall we say!