How do you avoid shouting at your 3 year old

[BigDomsWife]

I love my DD to bits but there are times I would like to give her back. . .

She is 3.8 months & her saying of the day is 'but I want it NOW!!! How do you cope with the non-stop questions, demands and general annoying behaviour from 6am till 8pm?? I take my Hat off to calm doting super mums - just how do they manage it?

I feel like such a rubbish Mum & fear all DD will remember is me being in a miserable strop with an ugly screwed up face, telling her to 'please stop doing this, that and the other'.

I also have an 11 month old DS. Please tell me it gets better and if so, when? I know children are meant to push our buttons but I honestly didnt know it would be this hard. . .

I don't know, I don't think there is an answer. I'm the same, I've got 2kids 2.5 and 11mo and some days all I do is shout. I try to be calm but it doesn't always work. I find toddler's behaviour is worst when he's spent more than usual time with his dad (my dh), not sure why.

I will say though, that those calm, Zen-like parents you see? They're all swans: serene and calm on the surface but legs kicking like the clappers underneath where you can't see. Noone comes out when they're having a bad day, it's easier to stay at home and be miserable and grumpy in private!

I think all parents feel like this. I find my 3.9 yr old impossible a lot of the time but do not want to be shouty Mum. So, things that we are trying:

A no shouting rule in our home - applies to all of us. This seems to help, as it's a rule we se, em to be able to stick to it more.
Pretending I am being observed parenting or that dd is not my child.
Walking away/ asking dd to walk away and come back when she can talk/ask nicely.
Always apologising if I do get snappy/talking together about how an unpleasant 'episode' could have gone better.
Using the tv as a tool to give us space/time/rest for her -a lot of her behaviour is to do with tiredness.
Giving her 'special time' - just me and her, baking, reading, playing for a short period a few times a week, but really talking about it and labelling it so that she knows it has hapoened and it feels like a treat.

They won't be like this forever

I have no idea bit if you find out let me know. I have a 3 yo dd and 9 mo ds and I'm exhausted with demands, defiance tantrums and emotional meltdowns over trivialities. I really try not to shout but I often don't manage to keep my temper.

I don't shout. In my mind my dcs are people who deserve to be treated kindly particularly given how helpless they are. They don't always do qhat I want but shouting teaches them nothing.

I shout very rarely, too, as it just teaches them that that is how to behave and get what you want (not saying I never shout, but it is a rarity). I pick my battles, so if she puts her trousers on back to front, they stay that way - she has put them on herself so gets praise for that. Lots and lots of praise for good behaviour (ie that's good listening, sharing, sitting, waiting, eating etc etc etc) and I try and give her choices about things she doesn't want to do. Rarely leave her feeling she has nowhere to go, so very little 'do this NOW', but more a series of choices, or we are doing this and then this. Always criticise the behaviour, not the child, so I rarely say 'You're naughty or unkind', but 'that behaviour wasn't good or kind'. Trying to interact with her as much as possible - a lot of my DD's bad behaviour is attention seeking, because I'm internetting/tv/talking etc.

I shout too much - well not full on shouting, but definitely a raised voice. It correlates with poor sleep (I have a 1 year old too). If I start the day telling myself to be positive and don't pick my battles, then there's def less shouting.
I need to work on this though as ds is copying me and it's horrible :(

I went through a rough patch a few months ago when ds1 was 4yo and dd2 about 6mo, where I found it hard to keep my cool and got snappy and shouty rather too frequently. It was upsetting me as I really didn't want to be shouty and impatient with ds1 but equally I was exhausted and stressed and finding it generally hard to keep myself together. Little things that helped at the time were reminding myself that nothing else matters - shopping, laundry, housework, being late for things - none of those things would result in the end of the world if I didn't achieve them all the time. And keeping the dc's fed, clean (ish) , and happy was achievement enough for the day. Reducing stress levels helped. What has helped the most has been ds1 starting Reception last week. Because we have less time together I am even more determined to make our time together nice and of good quality. And not having the endless pleas to put on voices for his toy cars means that I am tearing my hair out less and feel more patient!