Can I refuse to see my health visitor again?

[magicturnip]

I have posted comments before about my HV and have really got to a stage of sleep deprived demented anger where I really don't want to see her again. I have absolutely no confidence in her knowledge, common sense or ability and feel her coming around is a waste of my time. She shows no ability to respond to the individual circumstances of my son and me. I want to refuse the six month visit and all other visits.
My son wakes repeatedly through the night and I told her he was waking 5-7 times but she refused to offer advice till he was six months old. His sleep is now even worse and, even worse still, I seem to have developed a type of insomnia where even when he does sleep I take a long time to get back to sleep myself. I am getting sleep in 30 to 60 min chunks and totaling about four hours a night at best. I really feel I can't function anymore.

He feeds about 15 times a day. I asked for advice about what sort of routine he could be expected to have but she just said 'all babies are different'. I have now found the info on what typical could look like in a leaflet by paediatricians and dieticians and I am angry she wouldn't give this info. She has done lots of other rubbish things such as not telling me about support in my area, not leaving messages to say she has called etc,. not telling me that my son's weight growth had sharply dropped.

What will happen if I refuse to see her again? I don't mind them sending someone else - just not her.

MagicTurnip - where in the country are you? Is there anyone (family, friends etc) that could take the baby for an hour so you can sleep, or just relax in a quiet house?

I really, really feel for you. DS was at times a rubbish sleeper but not to the extent you describe.

Thing is lagoon, no one else can take ds until h will take bottle as he feeds so regularly. So no one can give me sleep respite. He is wake 90 mins at time in day and feeds at least twice in that time? I felt like I was poisoning him with milk too, but have restricted diet a lot and he is on serious meds which has got reflux under control.
Nothing, dh tries to be supportive. Feel bad as I snapped at him this morning when he was only trying to help.
At least ds does sleep well in day with help.

I felt that way too but my DD coped., Without you they do. My DP used to take her to his mums for a couple of hours. Whilst I would have loved to have gone (cake and tea on tap) I needed sleep more!

You know what DD was fine. Distracted away from home didn't want milk. DP would have brought her straight home if upset as we don't let her cry. I wasn't pissed off, bemused and relieved all in the same emotion.....

magic, as your little one sleeps well in the day, it would be good for you to ignore all housework unless absolutely necessary and try and get some sleep whilst the baby sleeps, like going back to when he was a newborn. Even an extra half an hour will make a big difference to you.

Don't feel bad, your under a lot of pressure. DH & I nearly divorced over sleep dep.

DS was EBF & what helped a lot was earplugs and sleeping in another room at weekends. DH would bring DS in for a quick feed and then do the resettling. Bit like a night nurse.

Coping with a non sleeper takes over your life. its a two person job IME. Sleep at every opportunity you get. It's tedious and I resented never being able to do anything but sleep, it does help though.

No need to apologise, we have all been roughly in this situation and it is utterly awful sometimes. I would have snapped at people too at certain points. It's Okay.

If I am honest with you I have fairly often let a baby fall over from sitting/banged their head on the headboard/door frame (can you get a house without door frames? I need one) and failed at cooking, and those things sound fairly normal to me but maybe I am a rubbish mum!

I don't actually cook at all here, just frozen pizza, oven chips, fish fingers, instant mash, sausages....you get the picture. I have almost forgotten what a saucepan is.

My standards are pretty low though. I do totally get that it is a problem, I think I am just kind of in denial about everything and taking the path of least resistance. You might not be able to do that, and in that case my strategies will be worse than useless.

I am sorry for spouting stuff at you, take it as easy as you can and you are doing bloody brilliantly if those are the worst things that have happened xxx

Will your baby sleep on car journeys? You and your DP could go out for a random drive and you and baby could sleep whilst your DP drives?

Or you can go for a drive, park up and sleep. I've had a snooze a few times in the car when ive been outside my house

Mc donalds drive through was surely designed for parents of babies who sleep in the car. At one point I was spending half an hour a day there reading magazines and drinking coffee while ds snoozed. The advantage is that housework is not an option. Now he naps in a cot i feel obliged to do cleaning.

magic of course you can refuse to see that HV again or don't see one at all if you want, their service is optional.

Do you have a sling/baby carrier at all? I found dd1 and 2 (both bottle refuseniks) would sleep for longer on DH if he took them for a walk in the baby carrier so I could get a longer nap. Also when desperate with dd2 I used to sleep sitting upright with her in the baby carrier on my front. In a stretchy wrap sling you can breastfeed with them strapped in while you snooze.

I completely understand, dd1 was worse than dd2 and woke hourly for much of her baby to toddler months. The fog and extreme tiredness renders you incapable of functioning.

Whereabouts are you in the country? There are some lovely MNetters on here who are great at helping out, even if it is to cook you a meal and clean up for you.

I didn't refuse the see mine as I didn't want to make a fuss but every time she called to arrange a visit I just said I was busy and I would call back, that was a year ago she's gave up after about 3 calls and haven't heard a peep since.

I will probably get flamed for saying this but I would start him on solids. None of mine would take bottles either but I did manage to get them taking a bit of expressed breast milk or follow on milk from a very cheap sippy cup with a small hole from about 6 months. It all helped space the breast feeds out enough to give me a break.

wiggly - I probably would too since he's pretty close to the recommended 6 months.

I didn't bf so shoot me down if I am wrong on this - but feeding 15 times/day at 5.5 months seems pretty excessive to me, even for a reflux babe. Thats approx every 50mins? My ds had reflux (CMPI) & at that age I think he fed approx every 3.5-4hrs during the day, though admittedly he was ff. I thought bf babes could easily do 2.5hrs though?

I wonder if you are caught up in a cycle of 'snacking' - he has a small feed so needs another one very quickly, but because its not been long since he last 'ate' he only has another small feed & so it continues. Perhaps you could try to gently stretch the time between feeds a bit, just hold him off an extra 5-10mins & he may take a bigger feed & last a bit longer til the next one. After a few days add another 5-10mins & so on, going slowly to see how he copes, because you obviously don't want to make the reflux worse in the process. Just trying to think of a practical solution that might help a bit.

also - does he have a dummy? my ds had one as a young baby & it helped enormously - the sucking soothes the reflux burn.

Two of my three, used dummies for a short while to avoid comfort sucking on me too much. I have breast fed for a total of five years and trying things to space feeds out never affected my supply as feeding was well established. Mind you my 15 year old still wants snacks far more often than I think is absolutely necessary ( I am talking about sandwiches).