parenting strategy for newborn

[mustardtomango]

I'm expecting in early November and I've been asked what our strategy is for many things recently - soothing /sleeping /noise etc. Is this kind of preparation really necessary or is it just over thinking things?

Buy a sling.

Eat cake or chocolate.

Come to mumsnet for help.

My advice is to eat a lot, especially cake. There isn't a lot of sleeping that happens in the first little while my daughter is 14 months old and has never slept through the night, not even once and I found that eating helped to keep up energy. Plus if you are breastfeeding it makes you starving. When I started feeding the baby my husband would immeditatly go into the other room and make me a sandwich .

Oh and also, we bought a Cocoonababy it's very expensive, but so worth it, in my opinion. It is the only way we could get her to sleep without being in our arms.

Try to get yourself washed and dressed before midday. If you succeed, reward yourself handsomely.

If you BF, drink loads. Don't wait for thirst to kick in.

Pre your due date.

Don't read any baby books - except one call "Why Love Matters".

Treat yourself - go to a spa if you like it - do stuff you find relaxing.

Do stuff you and your partner can do easily without baby sitters - whatever floats your boat opera or the pictures or have a nice meal.

Get your house really clean and do as much pre shopping as you can.

If you can afford it get a cleaner but if you can't don't worry about housework once baby is here for a while.

Get yourself somewhere comfy for feeding.

When you have your baby and are home don't worry about not picking up the phone or having visitors if you are not ready.

Don't have a strategy - well the only strategy I had was to eat chocolate - get dvds for feeding marathons, stay in my pjs if I wanted to early on and enjoy my baby and try recover.

The only thing I did was get my babies to sleep anywhere - car seat, pram, living room, bed room etc etc. I found it helped.

Good Luck!

My advice would be decide what YOU would like to do, listen to all advice from EVERYBODY, sift through the advice that you like/suits you in your circumstances, but above all listen to your baby & adjust to suit both of you!!
You will get tons of advice/opinions-mostly rubbish for you, but in all that rubbish advice there will the odd bit of brill of advice!! That brill advice varies from person to person/baby to baby, so never give up on listening to advice/opinions from everybody-you never know when you will get that odd piece of advice/information!!

I would read BabyCalm - full of insight into how to soothe a baby. The first 12 weeks are quite specific (look up fourth trimester theory) - I think some reading can be really helpful.

They want you to say how you're going to parent so they can a) laugh at you and b) tell you why you're wrong. Foil them and say you're planning to learn on the job. And then you might as well ask their advice because lord knows you'll get it anyway.

Hawkmoth That's exactly what I did and baby went 'through the night' at about 10 weeks.

Get the Mumsnet book - it has better jokes than the others, and in amongst them is some sensible advice.

Another one for just go with the flow. I had loads of great ideas and then when DS arrived realised the books and reality were two very different things. When DD arrived I had planned to go with what worked with DS and use that strategy but it didn't work as they were totally different babies and I had to go with a different flow!!

'go with the flow' doesn't work for everyone - sorry! after a mere 3 weeks of this 'non-strategy' -strategy I was knocking on the door of PND.

think honestly about what kind of person you generally are - really. If ordinarily your life has to be highly organised /routine/ planned, then it's probably best to have some inkling of how you'd like to manage your newborn and to plan accordingly.

and also: I disagree that all plans go to pot always with newborns. my experience with no2 & 3 were very different; yes it's not the shock of the first but there are many many new things to get used to /learn each time.

I had a boy baby who wouldn't sleep in any position but on his tummy and a girl who wouldn't sleep if you laid her down. My boy started solids at 13 weeks, my girl wouldn't tolerate even a spoonful until she was eight months.

They're all different, wonderfully different

The only useful parenting strategy is to wing it!

1. sleep when the baby sleeps, especially afternoon nap. You ARE going to need these hours at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am!

1. follow your instincts

1. you are not fat, lazy, or useless

1. please don't leave your baby to cry. I knew this instinctively thank goodness, but am doing Melanie Klein's object relations theory at the moment, and the terror rage and being overwhelmed of an infant that is left, is the start of some pretty toxic defenses.

No two babies are the same and the only thing I would say is be prepared to be flexible! Don't make hard and fast plans/rules, as you'll likely be disappointed if you can't keep to them. Have an idea of how you would like to do things, but keep in mind that things don't always work out the way you think they will.

My main 'rules' were;

1. Limit visitors to the level you feel comfortable with and make sure their visits are brief.

1. If you feel you want to hold your baby all the time then do that. Don't make other people feel you are wrong. You are the mother and your instincts are there for a reason (and therefore right!).

1. Let your partner look after you. If you are bf then you will need regular supplies of food/drink.

1. Don't feel forced to go to baby groups etc too early if you don't want to. They are great places to go to meet people and for getting out of the house, but you don't need to over schedule yourself in the early days if you're not up to it.

1. Go with the flow. Put yourself and your baby first and take all advice with a pinch of salt. People can't help give advice, but this is your baby not theirs.

1. What works for one person doesn't for another. Some people/babies thrive on routine whilst others don't. There isn't a right and wrong way, there's just your way.

Strategies do go out the window but personally I liked the Gina Ford book with of mine because even if we couldn't manage to follow the routine, I did feel more in control knowing that I was loosely working around it. Though easier said than done with first baby who fell into a feeding pattern. DS2 liked to cluster feed and was always on boob, plus we had to work around DS1 who was at nursery. Don't think it does any harm to read a few books and ask friends about their experiences before baby is born because then when something does crop up you have a rough repertoire of possible solutions in your head. But of course no amount of prior research prepares you for what is to come and those maternal instincts will just kick in. Good luck!

just do what feels right.

i have co slept and fed on demand with all 5 of mine,i find babies easy.

Buy in a load of frozen meals from COOK,leave your dh to the housework for a few weeks and enjoy it,its the easiest part!

I am due again in november and i actually look forward to my two weeks lying in bed cuddling my newborn and sleeping on and off all day,its the only break i get!

I read every baby book going when preparing for DS but in the end DH and I agreed that all we needed was a flowchart that looks something like this:

Crying?
-> Check nappy
Still crying?
-> feed
Still crying?
-> burp
Still crying
-> cuddle to sleep
Still crying?
Start again from top.

Just take it as it goes and try not to stress about it. All babies are different, it's natural that it will take a little while for you to work out what works for the both of you.

Whatever it is that's the problem this week, the baby will probably have grown out of next week.

Oh, and make sure you have lots of boxsets.

Just remember: babies train their parents. Not the other way round. And good luck.

The most important thing to prepare is the washing machine. Do you trust your washing machine? Is is a solid, selfless, whimless right hand man with only one granite-like will, to wash clothes and never complain? Fine. Is it whiney, tricksy, temperamental and a little bit flakey? Replace it. With something with a John Lewis souped up guarantee. That is all the strategy you need.

Fill your cupboards & freezer with easy meals.

Get a 'baby sleeping' sign for the front door. Don't take it off when baby is awake ;)

Don't read parenting books (apart from maybe the MN ones!)

Get a comfy place sorted where you have everything to hand... a drink, tissues, remote. If baby falls asleep on you, you might be there a while.

Get two bouncy seats for baby (just basic is fine, those dangly toys just get in the way). One for upstairs, one for downstairs. I found the upstairs one most useful for going to the loo & having a shower.

Lower your standards regarding cleaning.

Eat what you can. Nothing wrong with buying a tub of pre-made egg mayo and sliced cheese for a while.

I think my startegy would be to enjoy the first 6 weeks as much as possible without feeling guilty. I read somewhere that studies show that attempting routines etc in the first 6 weeks wont help so take full advantage and do what feels right/ gets you through the day