When I was a child I was never forced to eat things I didn?t like, and never forced to clean my plate either. My parents were totally relaxed about food and as a result, I will now eat almost anything, and find it hard to understand fussy eating.
Fast forward 30 years ... and my DS (8) and DD (6) are incredibly fussy eaters, I get short and irritable about it though I do try and empathise, and dinnertimes are quite frequently just a miserable mess. Around 4pm DS will ask what?s for tea, I?ll tell him (i.e. what I?m making for me and DH, which of course he is welcome to have), and he will just roll his eyes and look crestfallen. Then ask ?What am I going to have?? and I just have to say, ?Well, pasta, I suppose.? It?s more or less the only thing that they?ll eat, but THEY are utterly sick of it too! They are so fed up with cheesy pasta every night, but they still won?t try new things. Honestly, I can?t conceive of a time when they will EVER try, and like, something new. I know it will happen eventually, but the concept is totally alien to me at the moment.
So dinnertime usually consists of the following: either I will make pasta for them; or they will sit at the table looking miserable till I?ve served me and DH, then ask if they can go and make toast, so I have to let them - can?t exactly force them to sit there with empty plates till we?ve finished.
Part of the problem is that I am inconsistent. Sometimes I make them pasta alongside what I?m making for me and DH; at other times, if it?s something time-consuming I?ve made, I will really resent having to get a second meal on the table as well. So I?ll get hissy about it because I?m so fed up with the whole thing, and it is obvious to the kids that I?m cheesed off at having to make a second meal. Or thirdly, they will just make themselves toast. Reading this back it sounds such a horrible situation and I suppose it is. And I?m well aware I?m largely to blame, but still feel: I?ve been chopping and peeling for over an hour; why the hell should I make another meal??
I have tried SO many things over the years. I have tried to get them involved in the cooking process but they?re not interested unless it?s baking cakes. I have tried putting small blobs of different kinds of foods with their pasta on the plate, to let them try them at their own pace (and left them to it, not nagged them!); I have plonked big bowls of each food in the middle of the table for everyone to help themselves ... but they don?t. Nothing works. DD?s overall nutrition I?m not so worried about as she does eat plenty of different kinds of fruit, always has - but DS has whittled down the fruit he eats to, now, nothing. No fruit at all - only orange juice. He used to have apples but they come home every day uneaten in his packed lunch. It feels like I?m goading him to even put one in at all, but what the hell else will he eat? For lunch at school he now has a ham sandwich and water. There?s no point putting in fruit, yogurts, cereal bars, and I?m certainly not going to add crisps or chocolate.
I give them multivitamins every day as a kind of insurance policy, but it?s just not the way I wanted to feed my kids. The only things they truly get enthusiastic about if I tell them what?s for tea, is my homemade pizza, or Mexican (I throw this together with all the dips - make fresh guacamole and salsa etc - and let people help themselves). But in fact, DD?s version of the ?mexican? is simply the plain tortilla filled with grated cheese. So that obviously doesn?t count. DS does, amazingly, go for the fresh guacamole, but it?s not something I can make every bloody day just to get something green into him, and whenever I?ve tried to serve it as part of another dish he says it tastes ?different? and won?t eat it anyway! Oh, and the only other thing they love hearing will be on the menu is roast potatoes. But DP?s version takes over an hour so, again, is not something we can make every day. And anyway, if that?s part of dinner, that?s still the only bit they will eat - they need to be trying the quiche, or the fish, or whatever, that goes WITH the roast potatoes but no, that is their entire meal.
I don?t know how we got into this, I just know I need to go right back to the beginning and start the whole thing again. But I don?t know how. Specifically, I don?t know how to make the hour before dinner more fun and pleasant, when they ask me what?s for tea. After that, it?s all just such a downer as they know it?s another night eating pasta or toast for them. I know I need to be more cheerful but I also don?t want to dismiss the way they feel, either. Any tips would be gratefully received.
(Sorry this was so long and disclaimer: I don't do bribes, threats, punishments, reward charts etc - I know many of you will be scornful of my problem for that reason as you probably feel you could have fixed it by just being "harder" on them; maybe I should have but it's all done now and reprimanding me when I feel awful enough about it myself isn't going to help. Thank you.)