What should I tell ds about sex?

[middleclassdystopia]

I am pregnant with my third and my eldest (ds) is 7 and a half.

I have always been quite honest and open about biology and body parts with my two. My ds has asked how baby gets out and took it in his stride when I explained most babies are pushed out of a woman's vagina. He knows women have a womb where babies grow.

However he has never asked how a baby gets there! I haven't told him yet as i'm only 7 weeks but whem the time comes it may prompt this question.

Do you think he will be ready for basic but factual, a man puts his penis in woman's vagina and sperm meets egg etc? Or would mummy and daddy do a special cuddle kind of response be more suitable at this age?

He hasn't had any sex ed at school and if he tells his friends might other parents get upset?

Factual. Sperm, egg etc.

I never did the 'special cuddle' spiel since DD's father and I did not plan DD, nor has he been involved in her upbringing, hence the emphasis on factual sex education!

Nothing, get his Dad to do it. :)

Always factual I think. The mechanics are straightforward, the emotions and consequences take time to get across.

My dh would shy away from this I think! He thinks he's a bit young but if he asks I can't lie at 7 and a half can I?

I just feel that question is coming because of other related questions.

I got prepared, bought a book, told DH he was doing the "talk". Our son has ADHD and needs clear facts not bluster but at the same time is a bit grossed out by the idea of it which he had already picked up at school. He is 8.5

Anyway, the time suddenly happened when he asked about it (and DH wasn't there) so I produced the book. Talked about body changes, how babies are made etc. factual. Except the book has cartoony illustrations and DS's only question was "do eggs have eyelashes and sperm smile?" Not what I was expecting!

I found it useful to have the book and tended to stick to the facts, not dress it up. Oh, and he asked me how long sex takes. Wasn't expecting that question either!

That made me laugh MyFabulousBoys

Another vote here for 'factual'. It's just biology, and I think there's a lot to be said for the mantra that if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to know. There's probably already a lot of misinformation flying around the playground; my son is slightly older than yours and he comes home with all kinds of crap that that he's heard at school, despite knowing about eggs and sperm etc for absolutely years - these days, I just say "Well, what do you think?" and we have another little chat about it and he doesn't get freaked out.

Agree with the factual.

Personally i'd take it as far as ds asked. e.g. Start with men make sperm and women makes eggs. When the sperm and egg meet each other... etc

If ds asks how they get together he's ready to know.

Bettybotter that's a great idea thank you. I just want to create an air of honesty about these things as I wasn't told anything. When I started my period I didn't know what was happening

I agree with factual too. I don't recall the "chat" I first had with my mum but she says it was when I had just turned 5. A friend at school had two older half-sisters and I couldn't understand how they could be her dad's daughters but not her mum's daughters.

So mum explained that her dad's sperm had met someone else's egg before they'd met her mum's egg. You'd think it was a lot to grasp in that particularly confusing context at that age, but it all went in and the emotional stuff came later down the line.

Will definitely seek the aid of a suitable book when it's my time...

BTW, hilarious question about how long sex takes MyFabulousBoys! "Erm... how long's a piece of string?!" ;-)

TVTonight, what would you do if your child asked you any other biological question? Explaining reproduction is no different to explaining kidneys for example. What I mean is, I don't know your 6yo or their level of understanding of any other biological facts. So you need to approach your child at their level of understanding and just with clear, concise facts related to what they've asked (don't need to give precise, long, graphic descriptions outside of the actual question).

I have a 6yo and she knows about sperm and eggs and sex and umbilical cords and placentas and amniotic fluid and contractions and a million things besides. I don't know what her first question was but there have been many since and each one gets an honest response.

It may be worth purchasing the book by Babette Cole "Mummy laid an egg. xx

I think the 'special cuddle' idea is confusing, you don't want him thinking that anyone he cuddles could end up pregnant! Agree that basic facts and being open to more questions ("if you think of anything else you can always ask me") are the best way to demystify it all for him.

TVTonight, I just told my son that the man puts his penis into a woman's vagina (he already knew the proper words for the body parts by that time). I couldn't think of any other way to explain it, so I just told him straight. I also said to him that making babies is something that only grown-ups do.

TVTonight, just answer her truthfully. "Yes, most mummies do that - me, Aunty Mary and Sarah next door. It's a private thing though, so we don't talk about it very much."

I'm sure if she does ask Sarah next door, Sarah will be mainly amused and not that bothered!

When my daughter asked how the sperm and the egg got together, I told her and she explained to me that this was biologically impossible. Indeed she drew me some diagrams to illustrate that it was impossible for body parts to link up in the way I had said they did.

I will confess to feeling a bit unready to explain the mechanics of male sexual arousal to a 6 or 7 year old. I think I said something along the lines of not being sure about the best way to explain, and perhaps I could find a good book. (But by this point she rather lost interest.)

I rather expect school straightened her out on this one, so to speak. We did not return to this specific topic.

I would wait until he asks.

Buy the 'Made With Love' book, it's a great picture book with lots of info for younger children and more complex stuff for older (7,8,9 years old) children too.

www.amazon.co.uk/Made-Love-How-Babies-are/dp/0333741862

It talks about the sperm and the egg meeting etc etc so it will explain all that just by reading it together.