Grandparents are turning DD into a spoiled brat!

[emmyvic]

My DD (6) is looked after by my parents while I work now and again after school, and in the holidays was there for 2 days a week. They are lovely people and I really appreciate how lucky I am to have family support.
BUT... They spoil DD rotten, to the point that over the last few months her behaviour when she is with them is appalling, she winges constantly, sulks stamps her feet and constantly asks for treats when she's out with them. Not to mention for 'lunch' she has whatever she wants, which usually consists of donuts AND a cake for dessert! I've tried to subtly say to my Mum that DD only acts like that when she's with them and they have to start saying no, but to no effect. My Dad took offence and said it was my fault she behaved that way, but he assumes she's like it all the time, if only they could see her when they're not around, she's like a different child! HELP :-(

If they won't change, there's nothing you can do, I'm afraid.

Except stop using them as childcare.

If your DF thinks it is your fault she behaves that way then he has acknowledged there is a problem there. That is a starting point.
You could discuss with them some simple rules your DD has to stick to and tell them it is for at home, ask them if they would stick to them too so your DD has consistency.
That way, you are not jumping in with accusations so they don't feel like they are letting you down.

Think she is old enough to know she is playing them up and be told not to. Subtle obviously doesn't work and if you can't be direct perhaps rethink your childcare arrangements. Can you send lunch for her or have them round at yours so they can see how she can behave. Maybe she finds their company unstimulating , do they take her out to park etc ?

My DDs are older now but DM was the same to the point where I managed to work from home taking her out of the picture. I still can't be around her with DDs as I find it far too stressful and end up shouting at my DDs. If you can't find alternative childcare I'm afraid it probably won't change but as its only during school holidays just make sure dd knows behaviour won't be tolerated at home.

Bringing my parents round here makes no difference, as whenever my DM is around DD plays up. If I tell DD off, DM just sits and gives her a hug or bribes her with sweets. Yes she is older enough to know how to behave, and she does! But shes getting mixed signals from my parents on whats acceptable behaviour, so she takes advantage. No matter what i tell her, if my parents don't back me up I'm fighting a losing battle. My DS (16 now) used to be similar but nowhere near as badly behaved, but the 'nanny effect' was still noticeable. My DS was with them yesterday and said DD was very naughty. Will address the situ today I think, will take your advice SmileAndPeopleSmileWithYou and make no accusations that its their fault, just try and guide in the right direction.

Thank you for all your advice

The holidays have less structure etc, my dc are similar ages to yours and have started to go a bit wild now. I would not chastise your parents as they are doing you a favour. It's nearly term time so I would forget about this for now.