Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

8 year old wants to wear make up!

15 replies

highlystrung · 31/08/2013 07:55

My lovely 8 year old DD has spent this summer obsessing about make-up and earrings etc and I don't know how to handle it. She desperately wants her ears pierced (we've told her she's not allowed til she's at secondary school) and yesterday had a complete melt down because I said she couldn't have foundation or wear lipstick to parties. FFS!!!! There are a couple of girls in her class who are allowed to do this sort of thing, have worn heels to parties for years etc, just bought bras and their parents put it on Facebook. I think this is revolting not cute at all and am determined to keep her a child as long as possible. It makes me so sad that she's feeling like this instead of being a little girl. Last night she was crying in bed because none of her friends like her clothes and wants to get them all from Primark because they are fashionable. Now Primark has it's place, don't get me wrong, but I don't like most of the clothes there for her age. She's very tall and they are too grown up and I tend to buy fewer but better quality things from elsewhere. How do I handle this? She's a lovely girl but wants to fit in but she is NOT wearing heels and make up and getting her ears pierced at 8. Arrrggh!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nooka · 31/08/2013 08:06

I'd just stick to your guns really. I remember my dd being very upset with me at a similar age about both make up and ear piercing. In fact I remember her yelling 'you're not the boss of me' in great rage when I removed the make up she had been given by a friend of dh's.

Also the trickiness with clothes - dd is a good two years 'older' height wise than age and it was very tricky at that age when she wanted to wear dresses but could only fit in teen type clothes which were really inappropriate.

I do think you need to look at whether there are any areas you can concede on if she is really feeling that she doesn't fit in, and perhaps give her lots of support to make some new friends too.

kelda · 31/08/2013 08:10

Agree with nooka. Stick to your guns about the make up and ears - my children have their ears pierced but I do understand if you really are against it. It's not unreasonable to say she has to wait until she is 11 before having her ears pierced.

Also as nooka says, are their areas you can concede it - is she allowed to wear nail varnish, or perhaps get a new, trendy haircut?

Fraxinus · 31/08/2013 08:25

My girls have recently got really into monster high and teenage ideas like dating have entered their imaginary play. I talked to them about why this was inappropriate, what age I started dating snogging and that It was not a good idea for them to spend so much time thinking about boys and dating at age 8, they got the point and have stopped watching teen stuff, almost without complaint, and dating is hardly mentioned without guffaws of laughter now. I know I will need to talk to them ongoing about this stuff, but they did get it and have changed. It helps that there are 2 of them. Has she got a friend with a like minded parent?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Beauty General parenting

aftermay · 31/08/2013 08:33

I've had similar conversations with DD about ear piercing, make up. She can put make up on at home but she has to take it off if we leave the house. She had done this a few times (3 or 4) but has swiftly forgotten, although she still likes to arrange her make-up on the table and play with it.

Pagwatch · 31/08/2013 08:37

I would pull back from the angst.
The tone of your post makes it sound like you are battling with her.
Just keep saying no and stop engaging about it.

If she wanted to take drugs you would just say 'no. Don't be ridiculous. It's not happening'

Because you are wringing your hands she is getting the message that she can keep digging at the issue.
Seriously. I say this nicely. Stop being a jessie. It's a non issue.

Fraxinus · 31/08/2013 08:47

Hmmm, the conversations I have had with my girls have been quite in depth, and they really got it, about using up their mental energy in inappropriate activities. Also I followed up with no teenage type programmes at all for the time being. Perhaps the message hasn't really sunk in and she is still allowed to spend time on make up. I would consider doing a Friday night manicure, and then putting it away for the rest of the week. Then she will have to play with other things or develop an interest.

nooka · 31/08/2013 08:59

Oh, and just to say that after her outbreak at my terrible meanness dd did get the message (I just reiterated that yes I was a mean mummy, but I wasn't going to be changing my mind about it). Now she is almost 13 and considers make up a complete waste of time and never wears dresses/skirts. She does have bright blue streaky hair though

Pick your battles and stick to what you think is really important if you can (but make sure that you really believe it is important - I would never have thought I'd let dd die her hair at 12, but it's really her only bit of vanity and looks fantastic!)

aftermay · 31/08/2013 08:59

I have a teenage son as well. It's difficult finding things they'll all want to watch, not inappropriate for the DDs but not boring for DS. Though the other day they were all blissfully lost in a CBeebies programme.

forevergreek · 31/08/2013 09:04

Personally I would discuss with her and make a compromise.

I think if she's at a party there's no harm in some nail varnish and lip gloss. But wouldn't really want the while foundation etc

Maybe ask what she wants to wear and try and compromise also. Some fashionable vests instead of bra if not needed, nice shoes/ boots don't have to have heels etc

Heifer · 31/08/2013 09:36

I've been in the same boat. I was totally against the idea of such a young child being into these things, but tbh I saw just how happy it made her wearing nail varnish (toes only at 1st) and decided if I made some rules we could both be happy.

I think she was probably 7 when I allowed nv on toes, then at 8 I allowed lip gloss and body glitter for parties only

She is now 9 and I allow her to wear nv on fingers and toes when not at school and lip gloss when she fancies (if appropriate, and if applied nicely)

She can play for ages with all her makeup (mostly given by others, but I have let her chose her own nv).

No idea where she gets this from as I don't take long to put my makeup on and not really into the whole thing...

We are both happy with this arrangement now, she is still ask occasionally about ears pierced but knows she can't until secondary school, it helps that they are not allowed at primary (not even with plaster covering them).

lola88 · 31/08/2013 13:14

I think bra's and founation is too much but it's a shame to make her feel like she's the odd one out with her clothes there are plenty of things she can wear to fit in without it being inappropriate and at the end of the day it's her clothes not yours as long as she's covered she should have a choice.

I would allow light lip gloss and nail varnish to a party I don't see a problem with it.

Fraxinus · 31/08/2013 14:08

Light lip gloss and nail varnish to a party is not a problem, I agree, it's the spending hours practising at home, and being obsessed with it that is really the problem. Also believing you have to do what everyone else does to fit in will eventually lead to problems too when everyone else starts smoking etc.

Original poster

highlystrung · 31/08/2013 18:19

Thanks for all the replies! I'm not a total prude - she's been wearing nail varnish occasionally since she was a toddler and has lip glosses etc etc. And her clothes are lovely - she's very girly and I try to buy things that would be a compromise between what she likes and what I want her to wear - and we are not talking me trying to dress her up like a mini royal circa 1950. I let her have a bikini this summer and she buys her own clothes with birthday money etc. It's just she seems to want to be a teenager and wear all those things and it's hard to negotiate. Guess we just have to stick with the line that she's not getting her ears pierced etc and she'll accept it. She is VERY head strong. I am dreading her being a teenager ;-)

OP posts:

wigglesrock · 31/08/2013 18:36

I have an 8 year old, the oldest of my 3 daughters (oh how my mother laughs)

She gets all her clothes from the big 3 supermarkets, H&M & Primark. She also has her ears pierced, has done for a few years, she's never asked me about make up. She has said when can I wear it and has been told 13, but it's never bothered her.

She's allowed to paint her nails at the weekend but again she's not that fussed. The only thing she asked was to wear a crop top vest instead of a vest vest . I don't have a problem with them at all. They're not moulded/ shaped like a bra and they're comfier for her.

She watches CBBC, she likes stuff like Wolfblood and Merlin and Blue Peter.

lade · 31/08/2013 21:55

I have a 9 and a 6 year old. Our rules are:

They both have high heeled shoes for parties and discos. I choose their sensible school shoes. I allow these shoes, because they wear them on average once a month, and usually take them off as soon as they get to the venue (often soft play). At the moment, their heels are wedges, they don't really care so long as it is heels.
Both girls own bras. In reality, they are crop tops, but they feel grown up in them, and really it is no problem to me.
Both girls wear nail polish as and when they feel like it.
DD1 has make up which she wears on special occasions. Foundation is an absolute no no, but I allow mascara, a very light (ie can't be seen) eye shadow and lip gloss for parties / discos / going out somewhere special. DD2 is allowed lip gloss for such events.

Day to day, they dress like children. Ear rings are a big no no. When they go out, I also make a big fuss of doing their hair (have curlers) and spraying glitter into it.

I don't mind what they do for parties / discos / special occasions so long as they dress like children every day.

Flip