ex boyfriends

[margot1962]

I feel really sorry for my daughter's ex, who has no parents. We were supportive to him for a while but since they split up he lives with different friends as his ex home is uninhabitable. Is it wrong to be in occasional contact?

Tough one. My mum is in contact with one of my exes and I hate it. But it was a very bad split in which he attempted to make my life as difficult as possible despite me doing no wrong.

Had the split been amicable, I'd find it weird but I'd be ok with it.

What terms are him and your daughter on? I feel it should be a no brainer to prioritise her feelings higher, regardless of your feelings towards her ex.

Yes, you are right. Thank you for replying! I can't quite work out this netmums thing yet. She is our priority. She is at uni now, he is doing god knows what. Just a nice kid who had a very tough start and really appreciated what we did and saw us as family for a while. I don't think he made things v hard for her but tried to stay in contact after she made the break. She was right of course and we supported that, but I worry about him, independently of her as she is v well supported. :(

Would she be offended if you just asked her outright if she minds? I know I'd have appreciated that step from my mum. She could be completely happy with it?

It's a good point. She is much more mature now, having lived away and had so many different experiences, that she might not take it as personally. However, I suspect she would still be horrified. Maybe a long time in the future, she might think 'poor guy' (not that she should have stayed with him, but just out of sympathy). His mum died about 6 months after the break up so I felt I should go and see him, but she still wouldn't respond to anything from him.

Was your situation different? I think it might be different if the ex is older and is able to support himself/herself etc and has parents/family. I think that was the crux of the matter here, really. He was young and vulnerable. I just wanted her to send a message of sympathy to him, but she thinks he would have taken that as a green light! Oh dear. I'm probably too much of a soft touch! Can't save everyone! :(

Your daughter might be right with the green light if it comes from her...however surely nobody would begrudge you sending your sympathies.

My ex was younger than me and his parents although alive were abroad and had left him to fend for himself quite young.

Although just 17, at the time, she was and is pretty astute about what she wants to do and where she wants to be! Which is a good thing at that age. She did try to help him with his cv etc all the time. Thank you for responding and giving a different perspective. xx