Positive Parenting - dos and donts?

[bumbleweed]

DD is 8 months and has started to crawl and explore everywhere and wants to grab, eat and destroy just about everything.

We have embarked on baby-proofing, and we want to start teaching her the meaining of 'No' without having to over-use it.

So, you guys who have been here before, what are your parenting do's and dont's for this stage?

Notice and reinforce good behaviour

Main thing is play and lots of praise.
If she is going for something you dont want her to touch then say no and remove her from where she was.
I think playing with your child is important.

Baby proof the room she is in most.
Move things a foot up out the way.
Distract with things you do want her to dig in....maybe get a box with a lid with some old mobile phones etc in it, purses with credit cards. Nothing of course she can chew and choke on but bits she will be interested in, keys etc.

I adree with tortoise. When my 2.6 DD was at that stage I moved only precious or dangerous things but left everything else. When she moved towards something that was a no, I clearly said noverbally and with a hand sign, moved her and then distracted her with play and lots of gushing attention. It worked and I can now take her anywhere and she will not touch. Doing the same at the mo with my 8mth DS. Its a long hard slog though and goes on for months but the key is consistency, consistency consistency and no always means no. Even after the 100th time!!

If you use old mobiles, do make sure you take the batteries out first...

what things are 'no' things for you?

remote controls, cds, letters/documents, books, wires/cables?

agree about playing, we play lots and lots. like the idea of getting a box of 'real' stuff that she can play with

what's the hand sign for no?

I let ds pull books off the shelves (v low bookcase) at that age, but had to stop when he started ripping the covers off . It wasn't hard to stop him. I don't think many things are irreversible at that age as long as they are getting plenty of cuddles etc.

Ds is 19mo now and I'm not that fussed about him playing with remotes, but cds are a no - too easy to scratch - wires because they are potentially dangerous (e.g. if he pulls something down onto his head), the video and dvd players because they are too delicate (these also have child-proof guards on them). I don't mind him playing with my mobile if the keypad's locked, but I don't let him put it in his mouth which is hard to avoid when they are 8mo.

And lots of distraction as well when they are heading for the CD, wires etc and then loads and loads of praise when they turn to their toys or whatever it is that you do want them to play with.

thanks for the advice - I think I will stop her playing with the dvd player and the cds because they could easily become damaged - I was just wary about intervening all the time, but thinking about what has been said - if I distract and then play its not the same as saying 'no'.

same with cables - she was having great fun with the hoover cable earlier and there was no harm done, but I wouldnt want her pulling the cable of a table lamp or the hi-fi speakers, so need to send a consistent message I guess

Don't agree with box of real stuff. how does she distinguish between box of real stuff at home and someone else' remote control in their home! I use simple makaton signs to help my children understand language. Neither have special needs but found with my older child it helped her to understand language and in particular instructions very quickly. This was commented upon by other mums also. I don't think it helped her to talk quicker. You get a simple parent book with basic signs in it. I just typed Makaton into google and went to the official site. The hand sign for NO is moving right hand across your body from your left side to your right. You always use language and signing together. Signs never replace language.

I think your baby would love a \link{http://www.treasurebasket.org.uk/index.htm\treasure basket}, bumbleweed. If you don't want her to attack your friends' remote controls when she goes to their houses, take the treasure basket with you!

Agree with Frannyandzooey, treasure baskets are great. Lots of natural things too, large smooth stones, very strong shells, fir cones, wooden spoons, fake fur, ribbon (sensible lengths of course). One of the other faves was a big chicky bangle and a sort hair brush and a toothbrush. Oh and spare keys. He never fell for the old remote contol and still wanted ours....

We also moved all the forbidden stuff up and put HIS books on the bottom shelf. Have now packed away all the ornaments. They can come back out in a year or two :-)

I am trying really hard not to overuse 'no' also, and try to tell him what I WANT him to do, not what not to i.e. not 'dont throw that' but 'leave that on the table' .... prob wont work, but worth a try eh?

The treasure basket is great! What a fab link, thanks F&Z. I will defo do that, as they she seems to distinguish between toys and 'real' stuff quite well already.

I would love to put her books on the bottom shelf - another great idea - but currently she just eats books, and I dont want them to get ruined and her to ingest tons of cardboard. Maybe a bit later.

bouncyball I see your point as well, if stuff is sometimes allowed and other times not, is this confusing. Anyway, I will look for a baby-signing book, cheers.

praise praise and more praise when she does something good and trying not to raise my voice to her. I can also second baby signing its great, I attend a sing and sign class with dd and she signs for milk/water/more and is just about getting the hang of doing the sign for biscuit (she is one in two weeks)

Avoidance of a "no" situation stops it being overused, eg we just don´t go to the park with the dangerous swingy spiral thing because ds always wants to play on it (he's 19mths) and he's too little and gets upset if I have to stop him. That way, when I do have to use "no", it's more effective because he doesn't hear it that often and it's not a battle of wills with a mummy that is always thwarting him! I also use a hand signal with it, and also am careful to explain a "no". I mean, for example we were at a friend's house the other day and in the 30 secs it takes me to whip around her living room (with permission of course!) to babyproof it for the duration of our visit, he had got hold of a vase of flowers. I had to say no, but made sure I said "you haven't done anything wrong, you just didn't know you weren't meant to touch". Over time he's come to understand even if he doesn't understand each word, that if I'm explaining something then it's usually not something to be upset about. I also use "not a toy" and "yuck" when I want him to put something down, again mostly to avoid overusing "no". "Not for name" is usually a good one too, and when you use it swap the item for something they are allowed and say "name can play with this instead".