How little sleep is manageable when you have a reflux-y newborn?

[chocolatesolveseverything]

DS is three weeks old and appears to have silent reflux. He struggles to sleep anywhere not upright. I've had some success in getting him down in his moses basket (tilted) when he's really, really tired but generally he sleeps best when in his wrap or on the move in the pram. When I do get him to nap in his basket during the day, it always seems to be when I have visitors or need to be awake for some other reason and therefore I've barely ever managed a daytime nap myself!

For the last few nights, with DH's help I've got about 4-5 hours sleep per night and I feel tired, but am still functioning. But I'm suffering from PND and have not yet managed to establish a loving bond with DS. I can sense myself becoming obsessed with getting him in his basket so I can nap, and tbh I'm feeling resentful towards him because he won't settle when I want him to. It's crazy because he's just a little baby with a poorly tummy! I did co-sleep for a week or so which got me an hour or so more sleep but have stopped now because he started writhing in discomfort when lying flat with me.

So I need to rethink this and ask myself, can I exist on 4-5 hours sleep a night? Why obsess about getting more? It's not healthy for me to be so anxious about it.

Please tell me that the world won't cave in if I don't get daytime naps or manage to settle him for longer over the next few months. I need reassurance (and possibly a good shake)! Tell me about your experiences. Thank you...

(If anyone's wondering, I have been referred for pnd counselling and have been prescribed gaviscon, but know the latter is unlikely to work miracles and DS will still need to be upright most of the time.)

You are still very early days and things will change on a pretty much weekly basis. In a couple of weeks he may very well be sleeping completely differently.

My dd was an awful sleeper. Is still pretty crap by many people's standards, and the thing I learnt was that the only way to manage was to take one day at a time. Stop worrying about how you will cope in a few months because everything will be differant then. Just concentrate on what you need to cope now.

Have you got treatment from the gp for the reflux? If it isn't helping go back until they find something that does. Also I found a wedge pillow worked better then tilting for dd when she had reflux. Also I could put it next to me in bed so I could co-sleep.

Have you got friends or family who could take her for an hour or so to allow you to nap. Even just a one off can help.

You can survive but I think you have to follow the rule of self preservation which is sleep above all other things. When sleep is bad you absolutely must not put anything else first - if you have guests you need to ask them to leave o just get them to wait while you rest - really it is not more important to be polite.

Sleep is a bank - if you can get it whenever you can it will help when you can't get it .... Don't let yourself run down of even short bits of extra sleep!

It is torture - but as the poster above says you will find your baby changes all the time - are you bf?

I used to bf baby to sleep an then doze cuddled up with him ... But best is to have someone take baby for a walk in the buggy or leave the baby sleeping downstairs with someone else while you get rest - even 30 mins

A guest could do that - put yourself first especially as you have pnd

Also can your partner take te baby out for a walk in a sling so is upright and you can rest

The world won't cave in. DS is now 4.5 months, and I'm writing this sitting on a bouncy ball with him in a sling because he still won't fecking sleep. DH works long hours in the kind of job where exhaustion is dangerous, and we have no family nearby, so I've averaged under 5 hours since DS was born (and under 3-4 for the last 2 weeks since he had a major reflux flare up!).

However, much as I love DS, my life is manageable but also a bit shit.

If you don't sort out the sleep thing soon - ideally for him, but if not, then for you - you will gradually feel worse over time.

It's absolutely the right thing that for now you need to try to enjoy or at least accept the moment for what it is, and not to try to force a very tiny baby to sleep in a way that will be impossible or painful. At this point if he doesn't sleep and it's been a long time trying, it's okay to take a deep breath, do something else (even something fun, like watching an episode of something you love) and try again later. But I really urge you to keep investigating other short- and long-term fixes, whether that means getting a medical check, investing in some wedge pillows, roping in friends and family to do some of the pram sleeps, or getting to sleep propped up on pillows with him in the moby wrap (my daytime nap saviour at your stage, suggested by my paediatrician when I got desperate). Once you can express I also found that this could be helpful, as it means that when you have someone else in charge, they always have the option of trying a feed without needing to wake you (you'll still have to pump every 4 hours to maintain supply, but a 4 hour sleep chunk will probably feel like a luxury to you right now!)

Forget about the laundry folding and the dishes, get help from friends and family when possible or if not, then invest in whatever help you can afford, be kind to yourself, and as annoying as it is to hear all the time - SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS! Good luck

I write as someone who existed on that amount of sleep for a long time (and my writing is hopefully mostly coherent) due to dh sitting major career exams which started a week after dd2 was born. Ds1 also suffered with silent reflux and was hospitalised a number of times as he refused to drink milk due to the pain. Gaviscon is very mild and only works for mild cases, so do go back to your GP and ask for ranitidine (the next step in treatment) and / or a paediatric referral if things don't get easier and he remains uncomfortable. Having a grumpy baby and not sleeping well won't help PND, so anything that can be done to make your life easier is important. (I also had PND with ds1). But yes, in answer to your Q - I wondered for a while how I was actually still functioning on hardly any sleep! It's amazing what your body can cope with. But I do agree with the others, try to nap when baby naps if you can and screw the housework. Hope things get easier for you soon x

I was OBSESSED with getting DS to sleep because i was so bloody tired, I just stopped confirming plans was really up front with people and said it will depend on what DS is doing i cancelled a lot for about 6 months. We used to sleep together on his rocking chair at night and in the morning he had a nap cuddled up propped on cushions on the sofa it was a life saver. A friend of mine used to put her baby in a sling and sleep sitting upright on the sofa. DS loved his swing and would sleep ages in it because it wasn't flat and moved I would just sit it next to the sofa and sleep

And above all if someone offers help take it the min anyone asks you if they can do anything say 'yes watch the baby while I grab a nap heres the remote i'm in bed if you need me' same goes for offers to walk wave them off and enjoy.

You're completely normal in my book. DS was a sr baby, undiagnosed until 7mo. It got worse during weaning because lots of food caused acid flares for him, and how do you know? His sleep , always bad, got way worse. We averaged 4-5 hours for 3 months. It was honestly the lowest point of my life. I'm terribly emotional when tired and this sent me plummeting- partly because of the frustrations trying to workout what was wrong, with unhelpful GP and cynical relatives.
Tbh - I don't think you can happily survive on this much sleep under SR conditions, which are bad at the best of times. However, and forgive me if I've not read your post properly, you lo is 3 weeks? It might be SR... But you're still in that newborn phase when many of them are like that, have immature digestive systems, and it may just improve?

If you don't have a GP you can trust to help you, find one. Don't be fobbed off and stick to your guns if its been a long time and there's no improvement, get your hv advice.

But essentially I think your attitude to it is healthy. If you CAN reconcile yourself to getting few hours that's great- I couldn't (mind you, I didn't know he had SR then... So it seemed even more frustrating)... And the fact I was so resentful of my exhaustion didn't help.

Yes you can survive on it. With DS I counted 4 hours as function able and 5 as a good night. He woke every 45 mins for 4-5 months and would then be up for long feed plus wait holding upright before attempting to resettle.

My big tip would be to stop looking at the clock. Stop counting the hours. Get up in the morning and just see how you feel, tired or fecking exhausted. Counting the hours will just make you stressed and make it harder to sleep.

Dd on the other hand is 4m now and only wakes every 2-3 hours which I think is bloody marvellous!

Get a wedge, try naps in a good bouncy chair like a babysitter balance, be kind to yourself. Cake and friendship got me through those hard months.

I know it's hard to see an end but it will get better. And your bond will grow, just look at previous threads to see how many of us struggle to bond immediately, it's actually more normal than love at first sight. It doesn't make you any less of a good mummy. DS I fell in love with on sight. DD, in all honesty, I cared about and wanted to protect, but she could have been anyone's for the first 6-8 weeks. I adore the pants of her now and love her just as much as DS.

Good luck OP.

My ds is now a year old but for the first 6 months he never slept for longer than 45mins, he had silent reflux and I had a long battle to get him the right medication. He fine now and on no meds.
My point is I'm still here! Everyone says it but just sleep while baby sleeps, I know its frowned upon but I used to prop us up on the sofa (big corner sofa) right in the corner with my feet up and lots of pillows under my arms with him in the sling. It worked for us.
It does get better!

Thanks for your responses. I know I'll get through it somehow or other but it's so very, very hard and right now I can't see the wood for the trees. DS couldn't settle properly for more than 10-15 mins at a time last night. By morning he was so tired he could hardly suckle and I was in tears. The doctor wants us to continue with the Gaviscon a few more days before considering anything else. The Health Visitor is advocating dh try a formula feed late this evening just to allow me a bit more sleep. Will probably give it a try, though last time we tried that it seemed to cause him even more discomfort so nervous about the idea.

Yes, you will cope but it can be pretty miserable! I found I got used to the broken sleep by about 8 weeks and after that I functioned pretty normally, however I've never been a person who loves sleep anyway and always wake up in the night regardless of grouchy babies.....

I also found it much easier when I lowered my standards on parenting - I had DS1 who was 20 months and was rather PFB about however watching cbeebies and sometimes eating fish fingers and beans for tea did him no harm! I also got a cleaner and DH used to cook dinner when he came home from work. I just did the bare minimum really. And took each day as it came.

Be mindful of your emotional state though, I got very low around 10 months in which everyone put down to stress (DS2 was very poorly) but looking back I can see the sleep deprivation really affected me.

Good luck - and if the formula does turn out to be the answer, don't feel guilty at all, at this point you need to do whatever works for you.

That said, formula was no help at all for us, and I'm really glad that I kept pumping while we tried it, as losing supply would have been a pain. One thing that was helpful from about 8 weeks was expressing milk so that I could at least get the 4 hours rest between pumps occasionally while DH took over for a whole feed and sleep cycle - 2 hours of sleep, and a trip out of the house alone for a couple of hours was so good for my sanity! 8 weeks may feel a long way away right now, but it'll come soon, as will 12 weeks, with usually a lot of improvement at that point.

We tried formula a few times but it was a bit of a disaster as it turned out dd is cows milk intolerant. I would certainly second having a go though and trying expressing. It allowed dp to do a feed at 3 am when I completely lost the plot and saved my sanity a number of times. I used to fill a bottle up slowly throughout the day and then dp would have it for night time.

If formula does work best for you for an emergency night time feed certainly don't feel bad about it. You can always stop if things settle down.

Did GP check ears? Don't get me wrong, he may have SR too, but 10-15 mins settling time smacks of an ear infection to me...