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Original poster

controlled crying

17 replies

riley2 · 26/08/2013 15:21

Hi im new to this so you'll have to bear with me. I have currently been doing controlled crying with my 3 month old which started off accidentally and have continued as we could not get her to sleep at all during the day and it has been going fine but now after 7 days she seems to be back to crying for 20 mins. Im not sure if im letting her get too cozy at the boob before laying her down or if i may need to do a bit of scene setting/quiet time before i lay her down. If anyone has any advice this would be great.

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Rooners · 26/08/2013 15:54

Hi there, welcome

I think it's a bit young to be doing CC yet. It's really so normal for babies of this age to sleep at all the wrong times, and never when you want them to

It was invented by someone who recommended it wasn't used as a method till they are 12 months, probably because they just don't understand till then - and they really need you to respond to them.

If you leave them to cry, they will become more clingy and sleep less easily away from you.

I know it is bloody difficult but it's not for very long.

I'm sure others will have better advice about how to get her to nap etc.

I just roll with it (mine are 10, 6 and 8 months - big gaps) and they seem to get the hang of sleeping by themselves - I think sleep training is just another way of people to get stressed, and babies to get stressed! xxx

ExBrightonBell · 26/08/2013 20:26

My advice would be to not do controlled crying. Nearly all advocates of this kind of method would not suggest using it for babies under 6 months. At 3 months your baby has needs that should be met, and crying is the only way she has to alert you to this. Wanting to be held is a perfectly reasonable need for a young baby.

When you say she won't nap during the day, do you mean she won't nap at all anywhere, or that she won't nap in her cot/Moses basket? Will she sleep on you, or in her pram?

In my opinion, the more you can respond to your baby when they are under 6 months, the more secure they are when they are older. I spent a long time being trapped under a sleeping baby when my ds was 6 months and under. All his naps were either on me or in his pram. Now at 13 months, he has transitioned to being completely happy to be put into his cot for naps and bedtime. I just put him down and he goes off to sleep on his own. I have not done anything to achieve this, he has done it in his own time and is happy to do so.

It's only been 3 months since your dd was warm, secure and snug inside you. It's not surprising to me that small babies don't want to be put down to sleep on their own.

TVTonight · 27/08/2013 20:20

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stargirl1701 · 27/08/2013 20:26

DD wouldn't sleep during the day from 8 weeks until 25 weeks. It was silent reflux. Could there be a medical issue?

lambinapram · 27/08/2013 20:31

Please don't do CC, there are gentler alternatives:
babycalm.wordpress.com/2011/09/12/controlled-crying-miracle-cure-tough-love-or-dangerous-misunderstanding/

Writerwannabe83 · 27/08/2013 23:25

I agree, hearing CC being used at such a young age makes me feel uncomfortable. She is just a little baby who wants her mum x

Callmedreckly · 27/08/2013 23:31

My DD is 4 months old OP,

I wouldn't even consider it. She sleeps roughy 2 hours a day on my shoulder. Its hard, but its just what she wants.

Sorry not much help.

ChimneyDeep · 27/08/2013 23:38

What the others said.

I am more on the baby-led, sling wearing, attachment side of things and fairly dubious about the whole theory behind cc (learn that you can cry all you like but no one is coming) in any event, but I think even those who found cc worked for tgem/their baby would say 3 months is too young.

20 mins is a vvv long time to cry, especially when so small, and must be stressful for you. If it were me -and it isn't - I'd feed to sleep/rock in pram/wear in sling if it meant no tears and sleeping baby.

TheSecondComing · 27/08/2013 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jackanory1978 · 28/08/2013 19:42

My ds is 4.5 months & sleeps on me or maybe his swing during the day; I've never managed to get him to nap in his cot, although he'll happily sleep in his cot at night.

I love holding him whilst he's sleeping, and being all snuggled together on the sofa. Sometimes we've stayed like that for 2-3 hrs whilst he naps (have a book at hand & totally ignore the housework). It won't last & this time next year neither my ds or your dc will want to sleep on mummy.

I could never leave my baby to cry, no matter want age. Imagining him lying there scared and bewildered that mummy has left him breaks my heart. Please don't leave your baby crying; pick them up & give them a big hug, and just let them sleep on you. Making your baby feel safe is far more important than anything else.

onlysettleforbutterflies · 28/08/2013 19:52

I would keep with just cuddles and rocking until she is older and understands more. May be leave cc until 12 months or so. Lots don't agree with it at all, it worked for our ds as he was much older and wasn't getting distressed, but it was a last resort and done in a very controlled way. I am not sure sleep training can work at this stage as there are so many disruptions to come, like teething, so you'd keep going back to square one.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 28/08/2013 20:12

CC isn't recommended for under six months. I couldn't let my baby cry for 20 minutes, at that age they cry because it's their only way of communicating with you. I wouldn't do it.

Have you tried a slumber bear? My DS liked the noise and it got him to sleep in his crib.

Lala29 · 29/08/2013 08:34

Just to balance things out a bit, we did controlled crying pretty much from the beginning. (Going in after a minute, then 2, never more than 5 at this age). Worked great. Of course there were set backs, but if that's the path you have chosen and you know there is nothing medically wrong, baby is fed, dry, etc, I would just stick with it. It's not a magic solution and takes a bit of time. Good luck.

DfanjoUnchained · 29/08/2013 08:40

Far too young. Wait until at least 6 months

Writerwannabe83 · 29/08/2013 09:31

There may not be physically anything wrong with the baby, but by leaving it to cry you can be doing more harm than good. There is extensive research done on the early development of the brain in the first 6 months of its life and how being ignored can affect their ability to form attachments through their life. To leave such a young one crying during those very important months can affect them emotionally in the long run, even if you don't think you are doing any harm. I cant understand why anybody would want to teach a 3 month old baby that nobody is coming if they cry? They are just little babies who get scared and need that reassurance that they have someone who cares for them - to ignore that basic need just isn't right in my opinion.

Callmedreckly · 29/08/2013 13:28

Maybe wait a couple of years OP, & cuddle lots between now & then. Time goes to quick.

waterrat · 29/08/2013 13:39

I think you might be expceting to much if you think your baby will behave the same way day after day at 3 months old - they change so much, go through growth spurts, learn different skills and have stuff going through their amazing little minds - just because she falls asleep easily one day really doesnt mean she will do the next...

as they get older they become more predictable..but even at 16 months, my son who sleeps through the night mostly will wake up if he is teething or has had a busy day and is over stimulated.....

lots of people don't feel comfortable with CC at this age - but, you are the mum and if you go with your instinct and make sure you aren't setting unrealistic expectations, then Im sure a little bit of crying while settling is no bad thing. Personally I did a lot of sling based naps / walking in the buggy - and then at about 3 months used a dummy/ pick up put down to get ds to sleep in a cot...I didnt actually leave him to cry at all until about 7 months when I did sit with him patting/ singing next to the cot to teach him to fall asleep - but he was a really really bad sleeper, waking many many times a night and my sanity was nearly gone!

it worked very well .....I think - personally (and everyone will feel different) - that babies cry while falling asleep because they are tired, and if you can get them used to the cot or crib without letting them cry too much, then it will be all the better for their sleep

I really disagree with the poster who says 'wait a couple of years' - an older baby will be absolutely fine having a bit of a shout / roll about while falling asleep ....I can't imagine feeding or cuddling a baby to sleep for 2 years - but , its personal and if you dont mind doing it, then obviously its a lovely thing to do!

so just try to roll with it a little...good luck!

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