DS (5) says he is fat....

[Hope4thebest]

First a bit of background: I am overweight, much more so than usual as just had DD. I was a chubby child (despite exercising a lot for a sport) who then turned to compulsive overeating - something that is generally done in private - in my teens to cope with low self-esteem thanks in the main to an emotionally unavailable Dad. Over the years I have tried to find a solution to my overeating, still not there, but trying. DH is like Jack Spratt - tall & lean - and struggles to put any weight on.

DS loves his food. Parenting him in regards to eating has been difficult for me as I don't really know what is 'normal' when it comes to food. I am aware of the importance of him being a healthy weight, so this has involved saying no to him (if he wants 2nds or too much of something) or wait and see if you are actually hungry but I am concerned about creating a desire for things by restricting them (which is in part what happened to me).

At his Reception class weigh-in a few months ago he was 92thcentile which is overweight. I know BMI charts aren't always the best way to measure things, but that is what the NHS use so I feel we should take note.

We had already started weighing and measuring him (every other month) at the start of the year to monitor it. Doing out best not to involve him in the figures. We also made a proactive decision once the baby was born a couple of months ago (and I wasn't feeling ill anymore) to become more active and have done really well leaving the car at home, ensuring that we plan a family physical activity each weekend etc.

We weighed/measured him last weekend he is now 86thcentile. Which in part is probably due to a growth spurt in his height. I don't feel he is fat, you can see his ribs/backbone. He tummy does inflate post food, but goes back down afterwards. He wears the right sized clothes for his age etc.

The issue. Recently he has started talking about "fat" and he also said he is fat. He also said to me yesterday that I am fat, which I am, I didn't really know what to say back to him. I am not completely convinced he understands the full context of what he is saying. I have gently asked if somebody has called him fat and he said no. He did have a friend around for a playdate (who is skinny) who talked about fat and used it in a negative sense.

So I wondered what others do in regards to discussions about fat if it comes up? We try to focus on "being healthy" and that everything in moderation etc. Obviously all of this would be easier if I wasn't overweight myself but that is going to take time to change.

I am so desperate not to pass on my terrible ways to him. I am normally level headed when it comes to behaviour etc but because this is such an issue for me it has really knocked me for 6 and I am left not knowing how best to deal with it.

DH feels we should say no to him, restrict, control portion sizes etc. DH only eats when hungry, however I do feel he is helped with a very good metabolism, he comes from a line of very tall and thin people.

Thanks if you have got this far! Any non-flaming advice?

TIA

I think you'd do well to talk to a health professional. Being strict with his food I'm sure is not best way to go.
For that matter, without brushing it under carpet in own mind, I would not make an issue out of it. More like "Oh yeah, why do you think that?" and talk about body size without making judgements about it except as a matter of personal preference like flavours of ice cream.

Thanks. Do you think a Doctor or Health Visitor? Have tried a nurtionalist for myself before. Trouble is my issue is in my head, I know what is healthy food etc.

Yes, making it a non-issue sounds like a good idea. Will think about how to respond if it comes up again.

Maybe ask your gp to refer you to a childrens dietician.

And it may be worth reading some books about children and eating such as my child won't eat, the title is obv not apt but it explains about how eating disorders start and how to have a healthy attitude to eating. In brief, basically you choose the type of food they eat and they choose whether to eat and how much, no encouragement, no disapproval.

Could he get involved in some sort of weekly sport to give him confidence as well as exercise?

Centiles of course mean nothing without height comparison. If you can see his ribs I'd be very surprised if he's overweight. I really think you should get some professional help, as you say you're unsure what is normal and from your OP it does sound like you're perhaps over thinking things a bit.

Being on a high centile for weight is not an indicator of being overweight, it is all relative to height and general build.

I think you should relax, make sure he eats a normal diet and does exercise, as you do when you're five

If he is in the right age clothes and doesn't look fat, stop worrying, and try to set a good example with no food issues....

He's five, be honest about your being overweight but tell him that he is not and that because he's five it's also not his job to worry about things like that. He'll most likely accept that quite happily. You can also explain at this point all the things you do as a family to keep healthy, like exercise and eating healthily. If I were you, I would probably chat to a dietician (without my child) about what size portions are ok for a child and what they should be eating. It's really easy to give them adult amounts without thinking about it, plus snacks, plus... It all adds up. I'm sure you're doing a brilliant job - don't feel bad.