Tips to help with anxious/perfectionist five year old.

[Itsaburrdiee]

My daughter started primary one this week. It had been going well until today when she was asked to write the number two. She did it, the teacher was satisfied but dd was not and has been in floods of tears all day. I've done lots of cuddling, reassuring, offered to help her practice, discussed all the good things about school but she is distraught and does not want to return next week.

It is within her nature to expect to do things easily and she wants to quit rather than try when she can't.

I hadn't thought of her as a perfectionist until today.

So, how do I tackle this? She is obviously returning next week but I fear this may be the tip of the iceberg and even though we will get over this hurdle there will always be something new to deal with. Any ideas or suggested reading welcome.

DS (5) is like this. Not sure if it is perfectionism (although when I first noticed I thought it was and was really worried) more that he hasn't really been challenged before.

I just try to reassure him "well done for trying", tell him that trying is just as important and that he needs to practice. It is distressing, but the reality is that they need to practice if they want to improve. He has got to the stage now where he can be coaxed to carry on.

I think you are doing the right things, just persevere.

Good luck.

Make mistakes. Spill some milk, drop things, lose your keys and tell her it doesn't matter. Draw a picture and do the sky green. Make a cake that sinks. Wear odd socks. Play with cornflour and water and make a mess.

Thank you. You may be right MrsMargo, perfectionist doesn't sit well with me and I wonder if it is the challenge. She does give up at anything that is a challenge to her - riding her bike, swimming whereas I watch other children persevere until they get it. She also sits next to a very bright boy who has been assessed as being over two years ahead academically and she may see him manage this level of work easily and think she should be doing the same.

On a more positive note she has been happy and confident to write the letters she has learned this week (her suggestion, not ours).

Glad it's the weekend now and we'll see what next week brings.

Glad to hear there has been some postitive progress.

I also remembered that I point out to DS when he is practicing eg playing computer games. He of course doesn't see it as practice as they are so fun unlike writing. And yes as poster suggests point out when you aren't getting it right etc.

Good luck.

try youngminds.org
they were v helpful with dd

My ds can be like this. I told him the story of Robert the Bruce and the spider (ie try, try and try again). He really liked it because I made the point that grown ups fail and that it's normal to feel discouraged but there are lots of points in life when you need to try things more than once to achieve a result. He loves soldiers and spiders (eek!) so the story worked well for him and I have noticed a difference. He will even say 'I'm trying it again like the spider story'.