4mo and nearly 3yo. Help me organise my time and move beyond pure survival mode please.

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Just that really. Generally speaking if the first couple of hours of the day go well, the rest if the day goes well. But other days feel like a car crash. Average day starts between 5-6, but today my 2.11 yo woke at 4.45, clearly still tired but unable to settle. He woke the baby. Pouring rain and me in semi-zombified state (4m sleep regression has hit this week) meant a pretty abysmal day featuring more shouting and telly than I'm happy with.

Generally I try and live by these rules - get out of the house, stimulate toddler and try not to care that nothing ever gets done around the house, but as DS2 is getting bigger now I'd really like to move beyond day to day survival to something that looks a bit more like a life. I am EBF which I'm finding difficult to devote enough proper time to with a VERY full on and physically active older boy on the scene.

I feel like a need some more basic ground rules for organising and prioritising my time. Help???

I was still in pure survival mode for quite a few months after that tbh (thanks, non-sleeping velcro DD) so well done for even thinking ahead - that's progress!

Toddler groups reopen in a few weeks' time, they were my lifeline at this point - DS could run riot play, DD could cling to my boobs all she liked while I sat and stared into space, at some point there would be tea. Beyond that, I can't advise but didn't want to read and run :)

Ds is 3.2 and DD is almost 4m so i feel your pain! Like you i can't survive if we don't go out. We get up with a game or a bit of tv to start the day happy. Usually leisurely start with dd napping at 8ish then up and out for day regardless of my tiredness.

Usually gte home mid afternoon and yes i then use tv or more often the ipad so i get a break and can get on with washing or cooking.

Things i couldn't manage without are my lab cleaner once a week so the house isn't a total pigsty and the ipad, which will keep Ds quiet for as long as i let him have it. I downloaded number and phonis apps and he's leaning apace!

Still feel I'm just surviving though. Would be nice if dd slept for more than 2 hours...

Yes, DS watched tons of telly in the early months and while it wasn't my ideal way of parenting, I have to say it hasn't done him any harm that I can see (my DC are now 2 and nearly 5). He also watched lots of things on Youtube, model train clips and the like, and played on the Cbeebies website (with me sitting next to him bfing DD) which worked surprisingly well and made me feel like I was doing something with him. Board games were another thing that he loved and that I could do with him while endlessly bfing - Orchard games like Tummy Ache and Shopping List, Gruffalo snakes and ladders etc.

hpsauce interesting you say your DS is learning fast. Mine really wanted my attention on the one hand but then suddenly learned all his letters and sounds in a matter of weeks, pretty much without input from me, just playing with his Vtech laptop and watching phonics videos on Youtube. He seemed to gain a sense of independence and differentiating himself from 'the baby', even though he was still very much a tiny child who needed his mum.

Thanks for your responses. I think I need to be better at having things prepared for him to do when we can't get out, but by the time he's in bed and ds2 is settled (usually between 7-8) I just want to sit in silence for half an hour, catch up with dp, eat something and attempt to clean up before going to bed myself ready to be woken by ds2 very shortly! thinking up creative distractions comes sadly low on the list. I know I sound like a whiner and I'm really not, I just struggle to see the wood for the trees on days like today. More than anything I hate the thought that ds1 us bored and frustrated because u can't devote so much time to Parliamenthim, which I know is what he wants.
Ah well, onwards.

You don't sound like a whiner at all, you sound like a normal mum of two young children who is trying to move things forward :) If it makes you feel any better (probably not ) my DC are nearly 5 and 2 now and while life is SO much easier, I still spend every day making plans and every evening once they're asleep staring into space before going to bed early.

DC2 at 4mo is such an incredibly hard time: the crazy birth hormones have worn off, DC1 has realised the new arrival is here to stay and you are just tired, tired, tired. With both my DC, 4mo was the time I felt shittest about myself - my skin suddenly went bad, my hair fell out, the sleep regression kicks in... Be kind to yourself and know that what you are doing is fine right now. If you're making it out of the house each day, if you're all having lots of cuddles, if DS1 is going to sleep fed and happy and knowing he's loved, that's all that really matters.

Like I said, age-appropriate board games were a lifesaver on days we couldn't get out, books too. I also made it a rule that no one went to sleep on an argument and that we always 'made friends' again before bedtime.

You talk a lot of sense exasperatedsigh! Today is already looking more positive. The day started at the marginally more civilised 5.45 and we are all dressed, breakfasted and almost ready to go to the park. My hair has been washed and my trousers are (vaguely) clean. In my former life such things would not have taken on the status of major achievements, but hey ho.

I've had a look at the Orchard games website and am definitely going to invest in a few of those. Don't have an iPad but I know lots of people who use these with their toddlers so it might be an idea for the future.

I know it'll get easier, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds it hard to keep things in perspective on shouty mother days from hell.

HP - I have also just hired a cleaner! Had to admit I just couldn't keep on top of things on my own. Hope you have a good day with your two.

Cleaners are great. Take yourself off and come back to a nice clean house, fab.

Orchard toys are brilliant. DS now has 3 little pigs as his favourite but at 2.11 it was still dotty dinosaurs (which was how he learned shape names) and the ladybird game.

Glad you're looking on the bright side. Will your DS turn 3 in time for free nursery hours this term? It does help to have a day "off".

Sometimes life is mysterious - I walked into a toy shop in a part of town I don't know very well this morning and there was a whole wall of pre-school games and puzzles, many of them Orchard! I bought a great jigsaw in the shape of a road that can be put together in lots of different ways and then used to push cars around! I'll be going back for a proper look when I'm next sans-boy.

He will be 3 in sept so the nursery grant will kick in in January. He's going to start going to a great pre-school nearby which will help enormously ( providing he likes it, fingers crossed...)

My 4mo DS has started belly laughing today so nothing can bring me down!

Hate to put a dampner on it but I still feel like I'm in survival mode and mine are 6 and 19 months!!! Although readin this has reminded me of how far we've come. DS2 sleeps through now which makes all the difference and means I have more time for DS1 after DS2 is in bed.

Do they both go to bed at the same time?

I find if I can spend some one on one time with DS1 then it helps me feel less guilty about the amount of time (especially during the school holidays) that he spends in front of the TV or on the ipad.

Orchard games are fab. My DS1 had quite a few at that age and I always felt like they were fairly educational and I felt good about playing then with him when I was knackered and pregnant with DS2.

It'll all come right in the end. Just keep going. Sounds like you're doing just fine x

Mine are 5months,nearly 4 & 2.5.Some of our best days are when we meet up with friends,especially if they have just one child.So my advice is to arrange trips out with friends,parks if nice,even the dreaded soft play.One adult can easily keep an eye on 2 3 year olds so your DS gets the exercise/stimulation he needs and you can sit down with the baby.

We always try and do one activity/trip out/play date per day.Even a supermarket trip just for a change of scene..

I live by a slightly different timetable,later bedtimes & later mornings as I find it hard getting up really early.I would try and discourage such early starts but that is easier said than done.However,if DS1 wakes up at 6.30 & DH is around he takes him downstairs for breakfast & iPad but if he's not I certainly don't,I just tell him it's too early and to lie down and go to sleep again & often he falls back to sleep in my bed..so you might have more influence than you think.

At home,quite a lot of cbeebies,DVDs,trains & play doh.

Most days are fun but some do feel like survival!