Can 10 month old be 'naughty'?

[delilah89]

I am so exhausted and at the end of my tether.

10 month old DD won't settle in cot, won't fall asleep in pram, actively fights sleep. Won't have calpol - spits it all out. Literally needs to be breastfed 6 times a night.

She won't have food though previously perfect at eating own finger food - just spits it all out (after catching your eye to check you're watching).

She's whinging all the time. Won't go with daddy - only mum will do! She even tries to pull of her clothes, chucks blanket off (or pulls it over her face), immediately pulls socks/hat/bib off.

I feel like she is so naughty and don't know why. I wasn't even sure they could be naughty til about 2! I wonder if there is something really wrong with her. I've tried my hardest to do everything right. She is very active, cruising and crawling, talking a bit and has 8 teeth.

I wouldn't use the word naughty, but I think she's learning ways to get mum's attention. Are you happy breastfeeding 6 x per night? I'm not surprised she is not eating during the day, when she's getting most of her calories at night. I would sort that out first, and then work on the other stuff, which will be easy in comparison (ignoring some of the behaviour is a good place to start)

Hello - no, not happy with it. That is top of my list and I am trying to just cuddle her back to sleep without offering boob.
Just feel like no aspect of it is easy. This is the hardest stage yet by a long way.
I think you are right though, a lot of it does seem about getting my attention. Should I give her more attention? It feels like I don't do anything else.

no not naughty and i dont believe they are old enough to manipulate either,as far as i know at that age they want something so they find a way of getting it?whether thats making a small noise or crying or screaming,if thats what works they will do it.

Why does she need calpol?are you trying to give her calpol to get her to sleep???

First port of call is to stop feeding at night. By 10 months she doesn't need to eat at night anymore. Maybe reduce it to one feed and rock her to sleep for the rest?

No not trying to calpol her to sleep -- I've been very anti giving it to her, but I think she may have a molar coming through (she has the first 8 teeth).

Can you get DH to step in at night time?.Maybe pick a time when he is off.work, and he does all the attending to.at night? If she sees you, she will want milk.

I am a normal good mum, I spend a lot of time playing, rocking, singing, and fun stuff like dancing, socialising with her, carrying her in the Ergo sling etc. We're a happy pair only my energy is running out as I don't seem to be able to make her content.

I wouldnt worry about the food tbh,they all go through phases where they dont want food,and you said she has teeth coming through that affects them massively.just keep offering her food and if she doesnt want it then fine,she will get all she needs from milk,the not needing milk in the night after 6 months thing isnt always true.

Does he sleep with you or on her own/.just wondering if not then co sleeping could help as she could feed without waking you up so much and you would be less tired?I have only breastfed one of mine for a decent amount of time,and i cant imagine doing it without co sleeping it sounds too much like hard work!

Firstly, you are long termed sleep deprived, and that seriously affects anyone's levels of patience. Is there any chance that a willing GP would have her to stay for a weekend, so you can catch up on sleep.
Second, try only offering water at night. She is old enough to handle this, and it will often stop the waking because water just isn't worth waking for.

Is she being naughty? well no, because she doesn't yet know what naughty is. She is just now starting to learn those boundaries by testing out lots of different behaviour.
But she is smart, and already knows which ones push some buttons for you.

The key is likely to be in calm measured reactions or non reactions.
Babies playing quietly and being 'good' are easy to leave playing while you get on with things ....and we all need to do that .... but it is also the time when you can reward this behaviour by giving lots of interactions.
The same with food behaviours ...lots of smiles, chats and interaction 'rewards' for sitting nicely, eating finger foods etc.
Negative behaviour- give one firm 'no!' ...and then do not interact i.e. no chatting etc. (she is very little, so this is not any form of prolonged "no interaction"...just no engagement with what she has just done!!)

Dropping things on to the floor? ...totally normal learning curve about gravity which all babies engage in, and parents are driven nuts by for a while! particularly irritating when you don't notice they have done it with their favourite teddy over the side of the pushchair, in some place miles from when you need it, at bedtime
Some people play the game. Others allow dropped things to stay exactly where they are and don't engage.
Either way, they pass through the stage

Have some because being a Mum can feel like very hard work sometimes.

one thing i would say is that it might not be a bad idea to just leave rhe with you oh and just leave them to it?you never know she might be fine,at least its someone you know loves her and can deal with her,usually i dont like the idea of that but it is her dad!you might feel better after a break and she would probably settle after a while.

Thank you everyone. ringaring do you mean at night? I do leave her with DH in the day. He is very hands on actually just she is 100% mum-centric at the moment, crying mum mum mum if I walk away!

Hang on in there, delilah, and don't blame yourself! I don't think she's being naughty (actually, I would say "that's not naughty behaviour", rather than label her iyswim) - she is, as said upthread, just testing boundaries. There was an article I read a while back which said babies were like little scientists, always experimenting - what happens if I do this? It works in a good way when they learn how to sit/stand/roll/eat, but there's also the downside!

With eating, no baby has ever starved themself to make a point. When she's hungry, she'll eat, and you really don't want to make mealtimes a battle - they can be hard enough! If you give her food you know she likes and is able to eat, and you sit with her eating your own food, you're doing enough. If she spits it out, you can just say, "oh dear, aren't you feeling hungry? that's okay. We can eat again later", big smile, remove her from high chair, end of meal. She'll soon get the picture that you aren't going to give extra attention for the behaviour.

As for sleep, she doesn't need feeding through the night. She loves you and she likes hanging out with you. But she needs to learn how to go to sleep! I think there's a lot to be said for nice bedtime routine, story, song, into cot, "night-night" and walk away. She'll cry. Probably for about three hours the first night (obvs you go back in from time to time to shush her in a slightly distracted way) but after a couple of nights it settles. And when you get a better night's sleep, you'll feel a bit stronger about things too.

This passes. It sounds like you a have a bright, engaged daughter and you're doing your best for her. It's all good. You'll get there.

no i wouldnt do it at night personally, i think there ar ebetter ways without upsetting her but you should do wht you feel ok with.

Its good you get a break from her in the day then thats not too bad.

also i think going from feeding 6 times a night to crying for 3 hours and no feed,just a song and night night is going to upset her and be hard for you,i would never do that,just follow her lead,shes not going to be like it forever!

Ok, thanks everyone. This is all helping. It's so easy to get sucked into baby world and just lose perspective over analysing their actions.

I understand, my 10 month old is like this too.... She lets out the wildest squeal at times. I don't know how to handle the situation!! It can be so frustrating!!

Ive question this a lot this week about my son. Besides the night feeding It could be separation anxiety which peaks at 10 months. He’s happy but will not go in the car seat, pram or have his nappy changed whatsoever! Everyday is a battle!!

It's often the case that everything starts with sleep. Sort the night waking and feeding out and hopefully the rest will follow. I'd also send her out with daddy for a few hours

Sorry, didnt see this is ancient