is this unreasonable? (slightly trivial)

[Lostinspace1]

Fingers crossed, I will be a first time mum in the new year. Would it be unreasonable of me to ask my partner to spend only every other saturday playing sport? I've got visions of him spending all week at work, followed by most of saturday away, leaving only sunday as our only 'family day'. He tends to be back by supper on saturdays and isn't a big drinker.

I don't want to be a dumped on mum and stuck on my own 6 days a week in the depths of winter (no family and few friends nearby)...but I guess for a Dad theres not much interaction you can have with a newborn?? or is there? or maybe I will be too knackered to care.

Yanbu. Family should come first in the first few years. It is important to stay fit but a whole day every weekend is too much IMO. He may change this without you needing to ask though as I imagine he wants to spend time with you guys. That said every other week sounds good as you don't want him to feel fed up. You should get some time off too (at least after first few months).

No not unreasonable. It's definitely a good conversation to have before the birth if at all possible :)

Time off for both parents is important and should be of equal time/value -the baby/child is both of your responsibilities and it's good to get that in from the start. It will be tough and it's so much easier if you can support each other emotionally and practically.

There is loads a dad can do with a newborn even if you are breastfeeding, cuddling, dressing/undressing, nappies, baths, singing/rocking to sleep, talking to them, reading to them if you want to, taking a million photos to put on facebook, carrying them in a sling, bouncing them in one of those bouncy chairs, going for walks etc. Plus there will be lots to do, washing, washing up, tidying, cooking, supporting you if you are finding breastfeeding (and/or general parenthood) tough. Just sitting staring at the baby thinking how amazing they are (you will do a lot of this )

It's hard in the early months if you are BFing and your partner works because their life tends to carry on much as it did before with a baby happening to be at home and yours changes utterly and completely, you may find that by 5pm you are desperate to pass the baby into his arms and just go and have a wee without taking the baby with you or worrying about them, and you get the added thing that you can't, don't want to, or don't feel you can leave the baby for long so it's not like you can get away for an evening or day at the weekend either.

The relentless period does pass and you will feel more able to get away in time but if you haven't had the conversation with your DH you might find that you easily slip into the pattern where he has loads of leisure time but you have hardly any and it can breed resentment. Best to make a plan now, even if it turns out to be unrealistic later, but to plan a system about either how you arrange nights out, have set nights/days that you each do something whether it's on a scale of monthly/fortnightly/weekly etc. Just having the discussion now brings it into your joint consciousness later so if you start to feel that the balance isn't right you can bring it up in the context of this discussion.

Hopefully this will all be obvious to him and he might already have thought about cutting down or dropping the sport, but in our society I don't know if the message gets through to men as much as it does women that your life will have to change when you have children. It doesn't mean he won't be open to the idea and it's better to discuss it before you're both sleep deprived and convinced the other is getting an easier ride!

wow thanks, I'm really grateful for all your lengthy replies! I feel a lot better about my expectations. We havent had the discussion yet - I'm going to wait for the 20 week scan in 2 weeks. Its so good to get the opinions of others - not something I'm in a position to ask people in RL. I tend to get depressed easily so I'm apprehensive about going through the newborn phase when its cold and dark. To be able to get a free day, even afternoon off will do me the world of good.

My husband is an amatuer radio nerd who spent all his free time down at the radio club. He was stressing all the way through the pregnancy that he wouldn't get so much air time. In the 4 months since little one's arrival he hasn't been once. I've tried to make him go, but he won't. He wants to be with his son more.

What I'm trying to say is don't worry too much now. Babies have a way of messing up the best laid plans.

YY definitely to the NCT class for the ready-made support group. Or look to see if any other companies offer a similar service in your area (my brilliant NCT teacher broke off and started her own!)

I don't see any of my NCT group except one of them any more, but it was absolutely brilliant as a support group in the first year, I don't know what I'd have done without them. I didn't have any friends with children and it's hard trying to get to know new people when really you need to be in the "friend you can call at midnight in tears" level pretty much straight away. (Okay, we didn't call each other in tears, but we did have a little text ring for night feeds! With a pact to keep phones on silent )