Help - my sweet baby boy has turned into a 4yo nightmare!

[BooCanary]

Over the past month my 4yo DS's behaviour has gone rapidly downhill.
He was always prone to the odd tantrum/stubbornness, but was generally thoughtful, gentle and lovely. But recently he's become cheeky, rude, more stubborn, very physical (jumping off things, slamming doors, fighting DD) and generally very demanding. Things must be done immediately or he strops, DD cannot touch any of his stuff, and he has been very demanding (shrieky, boisterous and rude) when we are out.

I'm trying to be firm re. punishments (predominantly being sent to his room) but he doesn't seem particularly bothered. E.g He will say 'how long do I have to go to my room for' I'll tell him 10 minutes missed TV spent in room, and he'll just say 'that's not long', and go and sit in his room, then come down completely unrepentant.

I remember going through similar-ish with DD (who is still quite stroppy and strong willed tbh - which doesn't help with sibling fighting), and I think reward charts helped a bit IIRC.

Any recommendations? I can't help thinking he wouldn't give a shit about a reward chart! Thanks.

Lots of them seem to go through a rebellious phase around 4yo - ds1 was certainly harder work around that age. I think you need to find some consequences for bad behaviour that will actually bother him, otherwise he doesn't really have incentive to stop. Ds1 was always a bit in awe of the naughty step or being sent to his room so that helped us a lot, but I also used the "if you don't stop doing x then we will not go to y" with regard treats and going to places that he found fun - the park, local farm park, a play centre. I have told him on occasion that only children who behave nicely get to go out to fun places, and as he is always mad keen to go to these places that does usually stop the bad behaviour. Of course, you have to follow through on what you say, so that can condemn you to a dull day stuck at home with grumpy children if they don't behave! Good luck!

Thanks. Its definitely time for consistency and consequences .

DS1 is just turned 4. He's in the middle of a growth spurt, I think, as is eating and sleeping like there is no tomorrow. However I have also heard said they get a big testosterone surge around this age.
Can you harness the extra energy into activity that burns it all off without being destructive? So, off to the park (or soft play) to let him go wild in a controlled environment? DS1 also loves riding his bike. Can you get him out on a bike to somewhere like a park?? e.g. we walked to the open day this morning, but it wasn't enough for him, so coming home we had sprinting races, tried walking / running backwards, and did some hop/skip/jump in patches. Swimming is the other thing that wears him out. We have some one week learn to swim courses running round here. Do you work? Could you sign him up for something like that - ours is £15 for a swimming lesson Mon-Fri for one week, so not bank breaking, but maybe not affordable!

Hang in there! There are quite a few of us struggling I think (we need a "parent of insane four year olds" support thread ) - apparently it's quite normal for four year olds to go a bit manic the summer before they start school. Testosterone surge thing is a myth, BTW, which is probably why you noticed it with your DD as well.

I think you just need to ride it out with calm, confident consistency and try not to take it personally.

I'm encouraging mine to wait by saying I will do the thing he wants when he has waited for 2 minutes calmly/without badgering, or I give him the choice, either you can go get it yourself, or I will get it when I am next in that room. Sending to room as a consequence turns into a bigger battle, so I ban him from TV now for half an hour (this can be increased or added to!). He acts like he's not bothered but it does seem to be helping and it's reducing the amount of battles we have because I'm not engaging in the argument. Reward charts - we don't do one for every little thing but he can earn stars for big things and this is helping him to learn about budgeting and saving too because he can exchange 5 stars for a comic or 10 stars for a DS game. Occasionally if we are winding each other up that's when I'll do the forced separation thing.

Keep on top of blood sugar because crashes are disastrous. Try to spend as much time as possible in the park!

Good advice. DS and DD fighting is the thing really pushing me over the age. After 4y of being the submissive younger brother he is now not taking any crap! They are kicking the shit out of each other whenever my back is turned. He winds DD up, she pushes him, he kicks her, she throws a toy at him, he punches her, she whacks him on the head, then the crying starts. Things have been much better today as DD is out with a friend.

4yo support thread sounds good Yoni