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Parenting

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Original poster

Maternity leave is over.... help i feel sick at the thought of leaving DD !!!

18 replies

robyn2 · 16/08/2013 18:58

Currently feeling desperatly stressed at the thought of leaving baby to go back to work in a fortnight. Im leaving her with my mum who i trust totally but its still making me feel sick. DH would love as much as i for me to stay at home and bring up DD but his wage only just covers the rent and bills. Im desperate! How do others manage to stay at home?
Obviously many other mums have husbands earning high wages and perhaps dont have big rents and mortgages im guessing? We only rent a 2 bed house and DH works full time it seems so unfair not to be able to have longer with DD as shes still such a baby.

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delilah89 · 16/08/2013 19:09

Poor you. I'm sure she will be fine and you are very lucky having your mum to look after her. We also couldn't afford that and I know it is annoying to look at people who 'might just have 5 years off then go back part time'.

How old is your DD?

Original poster

robyn2 · 16/08/2013 19:18

8 months and it seems so wrong to go back full time now and leave her! Ive always enjoyed my job but i just feel im going to miss out on so much of dds life!

OP posts:

delilah89 · 16/08/2013 19:24

Can you go part time? If your DHs job covers rent and bills you could just be v economical?

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delilah89 · 16/08/2013 19:25

Or can you move to a cheaper place?

cleoowen · 16/08/2013 19:27

I know exactly how you feel. I am going back in 5 Weeks and leaving ds with a cm. I feel upset everytime I think about it. I too used to love my job but loved maternity leave and being with ds. Fortunately I am only going back 3 days. I am just going to suck it and do it and probably have another one quite soon whilst hoping dh wage goes up so can be a sahm.

Wishfulmakeupping · 16/08/2013 19:32

I've got to go back soon and feel the same. My mum is also looking after my dd so keep getting told how lucky I am which I know I am but would rather not have to leave her and go to work :(

MadameJosephine · 16/08/2013 19:34

I know just how you feel, I'm going back in 2 weeks. DD is 9 months and will be looked after partly by DP and partly childminder. I know she'll be fine but I'm really going to miss her :(

DrMcDreamysWife · 16/08/2013 19:47

I've just done my first week back and yup it was awful. Like I'd lost my right arm. And leaving my dd at nursery was horrid she looks terrified overwhelmed and completely aghast that I would leave her :(

I cried and cried Monday and Tuesday night and then had to tell myself to suck it up. We need me to go back to work so that we can move out of our teeny flat and get a house.

And there have been moments when I'm busy at work and I don't think about her and get on with it. It goes quick and she's so happy to see me after. I think it will get better!

Haggisfish · 16/08/2013 20:02

I went back when DD was 6 months old and my Mum looked after her. It was hard, but not as bad as I thought it was going to be - I actually quite enjoyed being able to have a whole cup of hot tea! Also, it has been really really nice to see a huge bond develop between my Mum and DD. It has actually got a lot harder since she has turned two and can vocalise her own feelings on the subject!

Suzieismyname · 16/08/2013 20:05

Give it a go and if you hate it, look into other options.

Twinklestarstwinklestars · 16/08/2013 20:07

I childmind as couldn't afford not to work but means I get to stay with my 3, it really invades your home though.

waterrat · 17/08/2013 07:16

Could you and your partner both work part time? 4 days each? I would definitely try for part time if you can ...

mummy2benji · 17/08/2013 14:45

Just sending you sympathy. All I can say is, it was awful when ds1 first went into creche - he wailed and I sat in the car and cried - but the awful settling in bit passed quickly, and once settled there ds1 really enjoyed it and got a lot out of it. How dreadful it feels to you at first, is not how it will stay for long. Once both of you adapt to it, it will be so much easier and less stressful. Sending you a hug though, I do feel for you.

Tailtwister · 17/08/2013 16:51

It IS very difficult, but she (and you) will be ok. Also, you are leaving her with your mum, which is the next best thing to yourself or your DH. She will still be getting 1:1 attention from a family member.

The anticipation is much worse than the reality. The feelings you are having are natural, but you are in a fortunate position that it's your mother who will be caring for her. My advice is to try and enjoy your last couple of weeks mat leave, expect the first week to be a bit shit but know that it will get better.

delasi · 18/08/2013 00:40

Try to focus on all of the positives. I am fortunate in that I WOTH part time, but when I am home I'm often busy (WAH, study, etc) so I'm not the one focusing solely on DS most of the time. It helped me ease into it that I had to leave him prior to the end of mat leave due to my studies and I know other people who have done a gradual return to work for that purpose. However, that may not be possible, so here are some of my positives (some lighthearted, admittedly):

you're doing so much for your DD by going to work*; you provide for the home, for her, and you're a great role model.
the anxiety can be so much worse than the reality, for the majority it's actually good all round and you adjust quickly.
you can do things so quickly now. My first day back at work I was showered, dressed, make up, lunch ready etc half an hour earlier than I needed to be. Which meant I also got half an hour of pre-work hugs
having a loved one care for your DD means you can get all sorts of updates throughout the day (I get various photos texted to me!), it's actually a nice pick-me-up instead of making me feel like I'm missing out. Plus they may be tuned in to your parenting style so you feel at ease.
you get home so eager to be with your DC that you both get lots of fun playtime! DS gets mercilessly tickled when I get home and DH is grateful as he gets a long break (DH is a SAHP). I thought I'd be too tired for it but coming home to his two-toothed smile gives me a second wind.

Try not to let it get to you - it can be hard, I wound myself up for ages even months before returning to work - enjoy every little thing you have for what it is and make the most of it. I would love to stay at home full time - I can't trade with DH for various reasons - but I now feel quite happy with our set up and will see what the future brings. If our circumstances change and I can afford to stay at home then I most certainly will, but I don't begrudge having to go to work now.

*definitely not a criticism of SAHPs

Rewindtimeplease · 18/08/2013 07:18

Really touching messages here.

I just,wanted to add another viewpoint. I am a SAHM.

I have occasionally felt that perhaps my children would get more from me if DID work.

'Quality not quantity' is a very relevant adage when it comes to parenting.

moodilicious · 19/08/2013 10:23

Not much in the way of advice Im afraid, just wanted to say you're not on your own. Im taking my LO (9 months) to play at the CM for the first time prior to him starting in Sept and I feel sick. . I know it probably doesnt help, but it will give her a lovely relationship with your mum. Im trying to take comfort from the fact that its only 3 days a week for me, but its still hard.

AliBingo · 19/08/2013 15:41

I went back two 10 hour days a week when DD was 7 months old, I was dreading it but she settled into nursery really well (we had some practice sessions) and I find I enjoy my weeks more now because I really appreciate the time I do have with her. She also seems to be quite outgoing and I think it probably does them good to spend time with someone else sometimes, especially if it's her Grandma. I know it's hard but I'm sure you'll be fine.

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