Am I being silly to be scared about co-sleeping with a newborn?

[chesterberry]

My DD will be one week old tomorrow. Currently I am sleeping in my bed and she is sleeping in a small crib which is positioned right next to my bed, her mattress is touching mine with the bar down and I can reach her easily without getting out of bed and give her cuddles and put her gently down to sleep. I am BF and this also works well for night feeds.

However, I am now worried I should have my baby in bed with me, especially as she spent her first night in an incubator. I have a friend who asked me if I was co-sleeping with my daughter and when I said no she said that as my daughter had to spend her first night in hospital in an incubator she has already been deprived of my touch and I should be allowing her as much contact with me as possible so that she develops healthily and that spending their first nights in an incubator has long-term effects which can be helped by co-sleeping.

I am not against the idea of co-sleeping, before I had my baby I thought we would co-sleep, but with her so tiny I just feel terrified I might roll onto her if I have her in my bed. I have seen lots of people on here say that they have co-slept with their babies so I know I must be being a bit ridiculous in being scared of this but I just cannot get over the idea that I could hurt her in my sleep. Can I ask how you co-sleep/slept safely without rolling onto your baby?

If you're not confident I wouldn't do it, you'll never sleep for the worry. I cannot comfortably co-sleep after I passed out from exhaustion with ds in my arms and dh managed to roll on top of him. Luckily I heard ds squeak and pushed dh offin time. My blood runs cold thinking about what could've happened if I'd not woken in time, so if ds comes into our bed I am wide awake. As this is of course not suitable in the long run he's had to get by in his own cot.
Co-sleeping can be perfectly safe, but I'm terrified so will not attempt it again. Make sure you get plenty of skin to skin at other times and you'll be fine without having him in your bed.

The WHO have a leaflet with diagrams about how to co sleep safely, but you really need to be bf and have the baby on your side of the bed with your body curled around them to ensure maximum safety. Pillows need to be well away from baby as do fathers, and he/she should only have a sheet on top, not a duvet. Another option when they are tiny is to doze with them on your chest in bed, but you probably won't get much rest yourself that way, even if they do.

I was amazed to wake up at 6am once having slept through when DS3 was tiny. Boobs were soft, indicating that he had apparently latched on and fed all by himself in the night without waking me.

We coslept because we wanted to. DD wouldn't sleep except on my chest for the first few weeks. However it is very optional and not wanting to do it seems very reasonable.

Did your friend give any evidence to support her ideas about spending a night in an incubator and long term consequences? If there is any evidence of consequences for spending a single night in an incubator (which I doubt), then it would be impossible to tell whether the consequences are actually related to being in an incubator or the reason that the baby was put into an incubator in the first place.

Is this your first baby? You will find that people spout all sorts of guff about what you should and shouldn't do with babies in order to validate their own decisions. Unless it suits you to take their advice, or the advice seems to be backed by unequivocal research then you are right to doubt it an make up your own mind.

What you're doing sounds great don't be pressured into co sleeping if you do not feel comfortable with it. One night away from you in a hospital isn't going to affect your bond. Some babies are on nicu moths their mothers manage to breastfeed and if put money on the fact they have exactly the same bond as someone who had a homebirth.

I think youve just got a bit of a know it all friend who thinks her way is best. Be prepared to meet a lot more friends like this. The first few weeks are hard as you're not confident and 'friends' like this seem to want to shatter the confidence of new mums by showing you just how awesome they are.

Your baby, you know your baby better than anyone and you do what you feel safe with

I would second the thing about unwarranted advice. It took me 4 DCs until all the eejits shut up with their opinions and old wives tales. Do what you feel is best and you won't go too far wrong.

I have to say that your baby seems perfectly happy and safe as things are. I know it is popular to have baby as close as possible but it didn't work for me. I would wake at the slightest sound from my DD and in order to stop myself going insane through lack or sleep, she moved into her own room at six weeks. I could easily hear if she woke but snufles and grunts were out of earshot and we all slept incredibly well from then on. The bonus was that she never regarded our bed as her own during the following years and we never had the bedhopping problems that can to blight family life.

I don't think you'll both be able to bond properly if you as mother are worn out. Do whatever means you get the most sleep.