"I want to hurt my friends at nursery" 2.5 year old constantly threatening

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful]

Starting to get a bit worried about my dd (2 1/2 years), she is fairly well behaved. Pretty average for a two year old, has tantrums etc but nothing out of the ordinary.

But she is constantly threatening to be bad.

"I don't want to be good, I want to be bad"
"I want to throw the baby across the room when it comes out" (I am due a ds in Oct)
"I want to hit daddy/mummy/nana/baby Timmy (cousins baby)"
"I want to shout at / push over / hurt my friends at nursery"

She doesn't actually carry out the threats except she has hit light tap really dh and I on the odd occasion (she ended up on the naughty step for it).

Is this normal for a two year old? When she speaks 50% of what she says consists of violent threats. When I told her key worker at nursery, key worker just looked surprised and said "but she plays so well with the children"

Has anyone else been through this? Any advice on how to stop it?

Does she get attention from you for saying this sort of thing? What do you do when she says it? She probably doesn't really understand what she is saying but if you make a big deal out of it she is getting a result.

My DC2 once got told he couldn't have something in a shop and then kicked off, started hitting chairs etc. So I ignored. Then the little horror pulled his trousers and pants down and looked at me hopefully.

Now I could have made a big deal out of it and agonised about whether he was a future flasher etc. Instead I looked away from him and said something like 'there's a silly little boy pretending he didn't get dressed in this shop'. He was gutted that I hadn't freaked out and shamefacedly pulled his pants back up.

There is a lot to be said for a bit of old-fashioned brisk 'don't be silly dear' then change the subject imo.

Agree with Noteveryday, understandably her saying these things will upset you so she is probably saying it for a reaction. I think being dismissive, as Not says and changing the subject is worth a try.

Without wanting to sound too cheesy - if you focus on your child's feelings the behaviour will sort itself out. Little children do have feelings of frustration and aggression and they are just learning how they are allowed to express it. Keep your reaction low key so that she doesn't feed off a big response and don't punish her unless she actually does hit out at someone. Don't see her words as threats - see them as your daughter's way of communicating her feelings. When she says she wants to hit someone at nursery ask her "did so and so make you feel angry today?" - when she wants to harm the new baby ask her "are you upset about the baby coming?" - she may be feeling threatened by the impending change to her little world and the arrival of a rival in your affections. When she says she wants to hurt you she may just be wanting more time with you. If you can understand the emotion behind her behaviour you can give her the reassurance she needs and guide her into better ways of expressing herself saying "x made me feel cross" rather than "I want to hurt x". She will move out of this phase with a bit of help from mummy and daddy I've no doubt x

Remember she's saying "I want to.." rather than "I'm going to..." - it's not a threat she's expressing it's an emotion.

I think she is actually quite clever.
She has worked out at a very young age that children get more attention for negative behaviour than they do for being good.
This is a concept that a lot of grown ups struggle with. You just have to watch any parents when they are out with their children. You see loads of good kids, all being ignored but the minute they misbehave they get 100% of the adult's attention.
It is something that I see a lot, working with pre-schoolers.
It is something really easy to change- ignore the bad and praise the good. Which is why you will hear many early years practitioners saying things like 'good listening' 'good sitting still' ' good sharing' etc

All of the above.

I tend to say something like, oh? You must feel very angry with x. Then wait. At some point I inject a 'it's fine to feel angry, we all feel angry sometimes' and now with ds1 who is nearly 4, 'but it's not okay tonhit. We just need to let our angry sprite pass through and keep our hands and feet to ourselves.' I say all this like I might be talking about the weather.

if it's done for shock value as it sometimes is, I say: oh dear or mmm.

Thanks for all the advice. It's much appreciated.

She has always been very chatty (crap motor skills but I'm clumsy so that's no surprise). I do always try and praise the positive behaviour but I have to admit I try and reason with her when she is talking about being bad. Time for a change of tactics.

From now on the response will be "I don't want to talk to about naughty things" followed by silence.

I think you are right she loves nothing more than a conversation and this seems to be the best way for her to get me involved in an indepth discussion with her. I will definately talk more about her feelings, why she is angry or frustrated.

Thanks for the advice.

Remember also that she is verbalising her emotions at an age where many children are still expressing them physically. "I want to push my friend" is a great advance on actually pushing the friend.