6 week old: dealing with routine (or lack of)

[lockie1983]

Hiya. My son is 6 weeks old and generally a laid back little thing, but every couple of days he has a complete meltdown all day and a night or two of not sleeping.

We don't really have a routine. He is Formula fed on demand, so he takes what he wants and whilst I do try to get him to take the lions share of a bottle if he hasn't fed for 4 hours, if he wants food in between I just let him have what he wants.

Some days he will wake, play, feed and sleep. Repeat all day on a pretty strict 3-4 hours. Other days he will cry all day, feed every two hours, refuse to sleep or even be out down.

Each day I wash his face and dress him and do a "morning routine" on his first feed. This is always between 6 and 7 am. He is a generally good nighttime sleeper and wakes pretty much like clockwork at 3 am (but won't always go back to sleep).

We don't have a bedtime routine as such, apart from pyjamas, bottle, cuddle, down. This by no means works each night.

I was wondering how people cope with not having a routine? Do you think our lack or daytime structure the thing that is causing him to crash and meltdown? (Right now he is sleeping after a 2oz snack - he fell asleep on the bottle).

I appreciate that each day will have ups and downs, that babies are constantly changing.

Should I try to implement more structure to his day? Would this cause him to be more continually settled?

Sorry it's so long, didn't want to drip feed and routines and newborns is such a complex subject for me (PFB).

Just feed on demand, watch for the first signs of tiredness and put him to sleep and let him play/watch/rest in between. Ime a routine will develop in time, you'll notice that by about 12 weeks, ish, he'll start to do the same things at roughly the same time every day. Then base your own activities on that.

I wasted so much time when ds was tiny trying to establish a routine and just when I thought I'd cracked it he would change everything! Eventually I learnt to relax and go with the flow and gradually a natural routine developed. I was so worried about what we 'should' be doing rather than accepting that everyone including babies are different and some days better than others. If my ds doesn't want to nap one day or have his bedtime milk one evening there is no forcing him!

okay - here is what I recommend (totally personal though..just see if it suits you) - forget 'times' etc and the whole idea of routine - but stick as much as you cn to to the idea that after 2 hours of being awake your baby will be tired...and get them to sleep if you can. If they dont sleep for very long then just carry on as normal and they can go bck to sleep again 2 hours later! that was the only routine I had.....I fed on demand more or less (although at about 12 weeks I started trying to only feed more ore less every 3 hours unless baby was upset etc...just needed bit of routine with feeds by then) ...

so, up from sleep, feed - play....then when they get tired do whatever it tkes to get them to sleep - feed/ rocking /walk in the sling or buggy...

that way they wont get overtired .....

going against the posters above (and like waterrat a totally personal opinion based on my DD, also FF) I got a routine in place pretty early, from 2w, found it a sanity saver for all of us and I think doing the same thing at the same time every day does make babies feel secure.

We took the structure (from a well-know book.. ahem ) and followed it - sometimes DD went with it, sometimes she didn't, but we kept the 'big rocks' in place and that allowed us to plan our days' activities, down-time etc. Since she was born she's been going to bed at 7pm with the same bedtime routine, and has been a good sleeper. I'm not saying this will be 100% the same with your DS, I do think you have to have a co-operative baby . There were also times that DD went totally off-routine, teething, growth-spurts etc.

He's still very little so don't expect too much from him, but I do think you can gently steer the natural routine that he'd go into if that's what you want to do. You'll get to learn the signs of hunger, tiredness, boredom etc. and pre-empt them. Congratulations on your new little baby enjoy him!

A strict routine is hard with such a tiny one, but I found eat-play-sleep on a repeating cycle was a good place to start. I also did a bath before nighttime feed each day. a routine of sorts fell into place from here, but tbh dont fixate on it- as soon as you think youve cracked it they drop a nap, or weaning starts, or they get poorly and it is all change!

We had a 'routine' from about 3w which worked for us, but every baby is different.

I'd keep a note for a week or so of roughly what time he eats, sleeps etc and see if a natural routine seems to show itself.

We roughly followed the Baby Whisperer's EASY routine (though without the 'you' ) on about a 3 hour cycle and that suited DD and made her happy. But obviously if they are tired or hungry at a different point in the cycle from usual than you feed them or help them sleep. But I found that once I had a vague idea what she liked to do in terms of eating, sleeping, 'playing' then I found it easier to understand her cues.

We started a bedtime routine from the same age, though of course they are far too young to really understand it. But a bath or a wash before bed, maybe the last bottle somewhere dim and quite is always nice, and hopefully your baby will slowly learn those clues and learn to start winding down before bedtime.

With f-feeding, it is easier I think to try to dreamfeed. I don't think DD got what was going on with the dreamfeed until about 10w and it took a good week for her to understand what was going on, but after that it completely transformed our lives! If you haven't heard before, it's offering a bottle at 10-11pm, so about 3 hours after their bedtime feed, and the baby generally drinks it either asleep or only half awake, and settles back down to sleep. (Though I know not all babies appreciate it) For us this moved the 2am feed to a far more manageable 4-5am feed, meaning we started to get some decent sleep.

I've been using EASY the same as Thurlow. What I like about it is that at the beginning its not a routine or schedule as such, but a predictable order of things. The baby eats (E) then there's some activity, playing or a walk or just even then nappy change in the early days (A), then there's getting her to sleep (S) and once she is asleep there's the time for you (Y).
Been trying to stick to this since about 3/4 week's. Now she's 8 week's it's falling naturally into more of a routine, it repeats 3 hourly and we have bedtime (sleepsuit change and no more (A)ctivities till morning at about 7pm) and morning routine (face and bum wash then daytime clothes) at about 7am.
For my little girl (and me) this approach has worked well and she seems to be content most of the time. That probably reflects my personality and my need to have some predictability in the day, but we are flexible for example if there's visitors or a baby group to go to we try to stick to the pattern but don't get stressed if I can't. There's no 'rules' on whether a routine is necessary, but there may be no harm to try something and see if it works for the both ofyou. If it doesn't help after a week or so then you can revert back away from routine.

Yes, EASY doesn't really require any times. I found DD did settle into times herself with a predictable daily routine i.e. it settled down to a 8-8 daytime, so feeds were at 8, 11, 2 etc. But it's completely flexible while still providing a rough structure to your day.

Thanks for the replies everyone! Dream feeding has been a massive hit and he is so much happier for a good stretch of sleep.

With EASY - what do you do if the S bit is only 10 minutes or so? I am finding he is a napper in the day so we don't get many long stretches. Activity? Or will he get over-stimulated?

Seems the 2 hour rule is like a magical cure for his fussiness, he is a tired little thing and fights sleep if I don't help him ... The two hour thing works wonders (when it works iyswim).

Hi lockie, sometimes I do see or hear on the monitor that daisy has woken straight back up. If it's less than 30 mins I tend to assume she hadn't really fallen asleep properly so i try to get her back to sleep, lately she can be left to do this herself but at first I would shush and pat her back to sleep. I may be lucky but that daisy does usually go back to sleep eventually and gets more rest.
If she has had at least 30 mins sleep but is awake and it's not that long since previous food then I wouldn't rush into feeding her though and try quiet cuddles for as long as I could. This was from a different part of the book, but I recognised that Daisy was snacking on very frequent small amounts of milk and I had to slowly try to extend the times between food so that she moved towards more of a longer 'meal'/feed, so that now it's 7 or 8 feeds a day instead of about 12-15.
I swore when pg I wouldn't be beholden to a book or a routine, but in practice I found that I needed some structure for my sanity, and I think my little girl may take after that part of me, because now about 5 weeks on from starting the ideas in the book the structure works most days and she is definitely a happier and more content little girl. Hope m

10 minutes I'd also assume that the baby hadn't actually fallen asleep properly, and would try to resettle. Are you putting him down in his cot for naps? At that age DD would only sleep on me or in a moving pushchair, and while she quickly fell into have 3 or 4 naps a day, none of them were in her cot. Whenever she was, I'd think she'd fallen asleep but she'd wake up 10 minutes later.

Sleep begets sleep, I was told, and it is true. DD would probably only have 30 mins a nap, but just being in a vague routine/structure and me 'suggesting' naps to her at regular intervals started gradually making her napping better.

Glad the dreamfeed is working out. That saved us!

Six weeks is pretty early for your baby to willingly go along with a routine. We kept everything pretty free-form and by about ten weeks she started settling into her own routine. I certainly wouldn't be stressing about it yet. You're both still getting to know each other and working out what works for each of you.

What might help is to learn his very early sleepy cues and act on them - this can help avoid the meltdowns. I find if we get to the third yawn and haven't withdrawn stimulation or put DD down she'll have a bit of a meltdown before she'll sleep.

I think there is AT LEAST a 12 week period of turmoil where you and baby are learning all about each other and during this time you just go with the flow until you both find your rhythm together. I think it emerges. No two babies are the same - they will go their own way - why try to fit a round peg in a square hole just because whatever ' theory /book ' that is flavour of the month says so?!?!? YOU are baby's mum - cherry pick advice and info and use your gut to lead the way x