DD2 12weeks ALWAYS crying, just need to moan really

[furryfriends57]

Poor DD2 started crying the day after she was born and doesn't seem to have stopped since. After trying different formulas, colief, cranial sacral therapy, reflux treatments etc I can now see the pattern. I'm not even sure its silent reflux anymore as she cries unless she's in my arms and I'm walking around (if I sit down she starts again), and she's ok in a moving car or a moving buggy. If she isn't picked up as soon as she starts to cry she screams the house down and goes bright red. I feel so gulity about DD1 20 months as I can't give her the attention she deserves. On ocassion I have to leave DD2 cry for a few minutes if DD1 needs a nappy change or I am in the shower. I know it will pass I just hoped it would have started to lift by now. I've put on so much weight because I'm sitting under her and my free hand is used for coffee and biscuits / chocolate. If I had a supply of wine I'd be an alcaholic at this stage. I wanted these babies so much and worked so so hard to get them but boy is it hard work and very frustrating. Thanks for reading and heres hoping for a miracle change soon.

Has she had medication for possible reflux?

Cow's milk intolerance is a possibility too - has that been looked at?

Does she like a sling? Then at least you would have two hands free and can play with DD1. My DS was exactly like this until about 5 months .

The sling saved my sanity. He also used to sleep for ages in there so it was lovely.

Sling? She could also be overtired if awake too much.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Maja she is on zantac for reflux as she has many of the symptoms, I have wondered about an intolerance but the fact that she is content when in my arms / car / buggy I am beginning to think its company she wants.

Mycatistoosexy (love your name but at the thought of 5 months) and Creatureretorts I have tried 2 slings and was certain she would love them bu she didn't. I think maybe they were too restricting. I was so looking forward to getting them as I was 100% certain it was going to buy me freedom and can't believe they dodn't.

What's her day sleep like? Does she have a dummy? Dd used to kick off if I put her in the sling at the wrong time or if she had wind after a feed.

I do have a sexy cat though

My DS only liked the baby bjorn (though it's an awful sling) and the Ergo that we still use to this day. Maybe if you can get to a sling library you can have a look at some more.

Failing that, god knows. DS used to like being walked around facing out (not facing in, would go mental)

If she likes moving cars/pushchairs maybe she would like a rocker chair thingy. DS hated his but he HATED his pushchair too and cars.

Sorry keep offering advice but really I know it just is proper shit when your LO just screams all the time. It's so upsetting and confining. You feel so useless.

Dd was much the same and very little worked for her. We tried infant gaviscon in the milk, early weaning (which didn't work and we abandoned), carrying her around, pushing her in a pushchair... nothing seemed to soothe her. It was awful; there were times I really, really felt like chucking her out the window and I had to put her down and leave the room . The only saving grace was that she slept a solid 12 hrs a night from 4 weeks. Those evenings and the good sleep kept me sane.

I'd have loved to have been able to sit and nurse her all day but, with a toddler and a house to run it just wasn't practical.

In the end she improved around 6months when she was ready for solid food. Her reflux improved, she got into a routine and she stopped throwing up everywhere. She became better still when she learned to crawl and move around by herself so that she wasn't crying in frustration at not being able to get anywhere.

I also felt I'd forgotten ds and that he was more or less completely ignored as I was struggling to keep dd on an even keel. I felt so guilty, like I'd made a massive mistake and ruined all our lives.

I'm not sure if these suggestions would be of any use to you but these things helped dd settle for longer than 5 mins at a time and have scream free windows during the day:
Swing chair
Bumbo seat
Swizzley seat thing with toys around
Door bouncer
Going out for a drive or a long walk in the buggy
Basically anything that kept her upright. As soon as she laid down, she cried (apart from bedtime, weirdly).

It might not seem like it now but it will get better, there will come a time when your dd's happy side will come out. In the meantime do whatever you can to get through. Give your ds the time he needs with you when your Dh/p is at home, if possible, and try to focus just on him for perhaps ten mins. It is heartbreaking to hear them cry but your dd won't remember if you leave her to cry whilst you attend to your other child: it's important to make him feel he matters too.

Sorry if it sounds all garbled and senseless, I'm just trying to get across that you're not alone and that this stage will pass.

Another thing was that a dummy helped her, we tried loads of styles until she accepted one. It helped soothe her at times and also helped keep some of the milk down.

I second trying a Baby Bjorn. Though they are often looked upon with disproval by professional sling-wearers many babies love them, possibly because they are held upright and can wave their arms and legs about. My DD refused to go in pram/pushchair until she was 8 months but loved her Baby Bjorn.

Oh you have my sympathy because I've had a baby like this and it was frustrating and damn hard work and I spent a lot of time crying along with him. Nothing I did settled him apart from him being in my arms, he even cried in his pram, slightly better in the car (which was not much help for me because I do not drive!!). A lot of his crying seemed to be based around tummy ache, if it was not constipation, it was wind. He became so much better when he went on solids, he just seemed to not like milk.
It was all a shock for me and my OH because my first had been such a content baby and I did not even realise this is how some babies were. I'd say he was very clingy and demanding up to age 2 but now (3) he is a happy, confident, loving little boy, so hang on in there it does get better, sometimes you just have to ride the storm. I received lots of advice and tried lots of methods but he was just an unhappy soul.On many occasions I just had to leave him crying and walk into another room because I was becoming too distressed. Lack of sleep and constant crying nearly broke me but it did pass.

Furryfriends, I feel your pain. DS was exactly like this....I felt I was going mad. His constant crying has put so much pressure on the family. I confess i've had times when i haven't liked him. He's 8 months now and it's getting better. It started to improve from about 6 months.
I've come to the conclusion that it's just him and his personality. Yes there can be a medical reason for constant crying (and these should always be explored) but sometimes it's just what some babies do. DS has a few issues...eczema, milk allergy which i thought were the cause of his constant crying but each issue was tackled and eased and he still cried all the time!!
He's still not an "easy" baby but he's cute as a button and we get as much giggling as crying these days.
Hang in there, it will get better, you're not alone (I felt shitty as all my friends' babies seemed to be angels who never cried) Sending you a hug because I know how hard it is. X

Oh thank you all so much for replying and for your understanding, the stupid comments like "sure all babies cry" leave me feeling very isolated sometimes, I really appreciate it as today was particluarly tough as DD1 is teething and is tetchy. DH is great and really feels it as well but just isn't into finding solutions like I am so no help with this. I've decided to have a me day later this week and he'll have them both so that should be interesting
I tried the ergo sling and was hopeful she'd like it as being face down on my chest is her favourite place to be, can't believe she didn't like it but wonder is it because she is long for her age so the infant insert is constricting but she hasn't good enough head control to go without it. I'm wary of trying the Baby Bjorn as she had hip issues when born and has to have an x ray soon to make sure they are ok. At least she is happy in the car seat and the buggy, I've resigned myself to going for loads of walks but sometimes the damn weather has been too hot or too wet but least when we do I'm away from the coffee and biscuits /chocolate. I've tried so many remedies for intolerance, reflux, wind etc and none have lessened the crying so like you say Tedder I think it could be a personality thing. DD1 has always been very independent, she has silent reflux but never wanted to be up in arms or in our bed so DD2 has been a shock as she wants both. I have a feeling that weaning would help her and interested to see it helped some of your LOs but thats a few weeks away yet. I hate wishing the time away as these are such precious weeks and feel sad that I just look forward to when she goes to bed at night so I can have some time to myself as I feel claustrophobic having both DD1 and DD2 hanging off me so much. Never happy eh. Thanks again for your kind comments and suggestions, I'll look in to some more of them tomorrow.

Sympathy for you though no answers, you are doing an amazing job to manage this alongside another DC! Our 4 month old was like this,and still is, though he is getting better at last.

He also had medication for reflux but it made him so constipated and windy that it felt a bit like swings and roundabouts and we had to tail it off. In the end it was time and the sling that helped the most. Which ones have you tried? DS hates ring slings but loves his ergo. Or alternatively do you have a moving swing for him, so you don't always need to be doing the pushing? I know that this may not fix the problem but when things get this bad even a sticking plaster is a good thing.

Have you tried a hip carry in the ergo? Ours likes that more than the front carry...

No advice, but I wanted to say I feel for you. Your baby sounds just like dd1, it is so hard! It will get better, I promise.

I second the white noise, once you've settled LO try it to keep her calm. A dummy worked wonders for us even thought I was dead set against using one, I don't know what I'd do without it now! I'm sorry you're having a tough time, I hope things improve for you soon.

So many great suggestions, thanks again. My first post really made me think about how she is each day and I am more convinced that she cries because she just won't let herself fall asleep. I know from DD1 that all these problems are phases so fingers crossed it will pass soon and I am going to try some of the things you had suggested. Many of you had recommended the ergo sling so I tried it again today without the infant insert and it worked really well and she fell asleep without any crying session. I suppose it isn't ideal as she is not even 3 months so "should" be using the insert but I had my hand outside her head just in case it fell back but it was stable so happy with that. I'll try it again tomorrow and hopefully if she gets used to it we could get out with the dogs for a proper cross country walk - bliss!

I have a battery operated swing but think DD1 may have broken it in her enthusiasm to work out how things work, must check it again seeing as it has worked for some of your LOs as well. And yes I am using a dummy but she has very strong ideas on whats ok and its a battle to get her to keep it in as she has a very strong tongue action to push it back out again.
Anyhow, talking about it here has made it seem less bleak so thanks so much for replying .