What do you DO with your 3 year old and newborn

[BowlFullofJelly]

I'm sure this has been done to death, but after having a stressful weekend with a stroppy DS I'm panicking about the arrival of DC2 in 7 weeks...

I currently work full time, and have done since DS was 17 weeks. DC2 is due at the end of September, and I plan on taking much longer off this time, 9-12 months.

Does anyone have any advice on a weekly 'schedule' to keep both me and the DC sane? I know schedule seems very uptight, but I need some structure to my days or I end up doing sod all, with a bored DS and feeling guilty. I live in London so plenty going on, money is not exactly tight, but neither are we rolling in it while on maternity leave.

I've tended to be quite full on with playing with DS and taking him out at weekends to compensate for not being around in the week, but I'm conscious this isn't realistic 7 days a week, and with a newborn.

So what does everyone actually DO all week? How much time do you spend just one on one with your toddler, how many 'outings' do you have during the week, how do you manage household chores etc?

DS is 3.2, DD 15wks.

Firstly, I've found having a newborn and toddler vastly easier than being pregnant and having a toddler, so it's about to get easier!

I go out every day and have since DD was a week old. Anywhere he can play and I can watch, so national trust properties with playgrounds, parks, dreaded soft play. Or somewhere we can walk together, feeding the ducks or trips round zoo/aquarium etc, just shopping with lunch at somewhere toddler friendly, John Lewis or m&s for us. The day is so very much easier if DS has had a trip out.

So, breakfast, tidy kitchen etc, first morning nap at 8ish, out the door with or without picnic, DD sleeps in sling, back mid afternoon, prep tea while DS plays on iPad or watches tv (bad mummy!), eat tea with kids at 530ish, bath and bed.

I had a rubbish pg so inadvertently did what I would recommend to you: play with him less while pg, let him get used to you not coming to his call straight away. I was unable to play with him and it meant he never blamed DD for lack of mummy time, we'd got used to watching DVDs together and he loved it so when DD was feeding we were still doing the same thing.

Good luck! Our two were in the bath last night giggling like mad things as dc1 was splashing for dc2. Makes my heart burst. 2 is wonderful.

I tried to have three toddler groups in the mornings (mine were Tues to thurs) so that older dd had something fun to do. Especially when your newborn is tiny and sleeps lot this works well.

The other two mornings, we would call one a "cosy toes" morning where we'd stay in our jammies a bit later, snuggle in my bed and chat while the baby slept, did quiet things. I generally did it in the morning of a day where I needed to do supermarket shopping in the afternoon, so she was appeased at the attention in the morning.

I generally tried to do housework during the afternoon, perhaps give dd some tv while dd2 was napping and do a quick fly around. I also got her to help me "mummy's big helper" in return for say stickers, baking time etc.

The last morning we always did baking/making her lunch.

And after cleaning/tidying in the afternoon we did whatever errands were needed and either went to meet friends or went to the park / free local museum if it was wet.

I'm like you, I needed a schedule or I found the time just endless. One morning plan and one afternoon one every day no matter how big or small.. That's what saw me through. And I really enjoyed it much more second time off!!

Now third time... Flip that took some energy amusing them all.. But that's for another day !

Thanks both - you have given me some ideas AND made me feel less of a weirdo for wanting a schedule while at home. I find myself wanting to be lazy and disorganised, but then being really miserable when I have days like that.

Regarding the toddler groups, any in particular that you would recommend?

Also how long do your toddlers play on their own? And what sort of things do they do?

I'm more nervous about full time parenting of DS than I am about the new arrival .

Oh and Maggie, I'll see how I do with two before even contemplating a third .

HP Sauce is right, it's so much easier with a baby and toddler than pregnant with a toddler!

I find a routine really helps, to be honest by the time you've done all the necessary stuff there isn't that much time left, so don't worry too much about 'entertaining' the toddler!

We've got a smaller age gap than you but normally do: 7am wake up, milk for both in bed to give me a bit of a lie in, then both dressed and downstairs. 8ish breakfast, then back upstairs around 9 for baby's nap, toddler quiet time and I get dressed. Out around 10 for morning activity (park, toddler group, meeting friends), back by 12 for lunch. Nap at 1 for both (sometimes me too!). Wake up around 3 and bit of playing/ pottering then teatime/ bath time/ bedtime. Maybe a bit of cbeebies.

Activities wise, I find smaller groups with some kind of structured activity (eg singing) to be the best, it's easier to keep an eye on the toddler and the baby is entertained. Larger groups are more challenging unless you have backup!

I hide in the utility room, eating chocolates.

Sorry, that's not helpful.

We do an activity per day. Sometimes activity at home (painting, playdoh, cooking, gardening, walks with bike and baby in pram/sling), as DH uses the car for work and we live in the middle of nowhere, sometimes we have friends over and sometimes we meet people / go for coffees in town.

But mostly, the hiding in the utility room thing.

Lol Marcheline having just tried to make dinner with my 5 and 3 year old dds fighting and my 11mth old ds crawling/climbing/trying to get at the oven I feel very much like going to hide in the utility room room and eat chocolates... But the 5 year old can open doors and find me these days .

OP re toddler groups I'm different part of the country to you so no specifics but most of the ones in my area are attached to local churches and welcome all. Check mumsnet local or (ahem sorry mumsnet) netmums local as in my area it has more listings.

I looked for a bit of variety in my toddler groups so one of them is a small group where I now know them all really well and it's a sofas and a chat kind of one. Another is a big church hall, totally bedlam but brilliant for older toddlers/preschoolers because of the activities and space to run! And my last is in the hall attached to dd1's school so I've met some parents. Online is definitely the place to start and look now for dates starting back in September.

Re the playing on your own the best tip I can give you is whilst still pregnant maybe have a go at making up some "busy bags" (search online, pinterest has fab ones). They are ideas for little bags of activities you can make up that are easy for a toddler to complete alone and should take c15-20 mins. Idea being they keep them busy while you are busy .

Over this summer I have found them a lifesaver to occupy dds when I've needed to try and do something on to occupy dd2 when day dd1 wants to do reading etc. Check them out definitely. Our favourites were magnetic dolls and lego towers. I'll try and find the link.

Mine won't play independently for more than 15 mins if I'm off doing over things but if I'm in the room and they can see me (feeding time etc) they will happily play away.

Here's a link (I hope, I'm on the mobile!) to some Busy Bags

Maggie I love the idea of busy bags! DD1 (3yo) just loves little packages of things and she's just starting to get really involved in crafts.

OP, having a three yet old and a baby is really great once the baby gets big enough to interact a bit. DD2 is nearly 6 months now and DD1 just loves performing for her, making her laugh etc.

However, it's totally shit when the baby wakes 7 times in one night oh yes, that was my night last night and you can't do 'sleep when they sleep' because the 3yo doesn't nap.

You'll be fine. YSMH is right about the fact that once you've done the necessary day to day stuff, there isn't much time left over - our day is sort of like this:

Wake up - breastfeed DD2, breakfast for DD1
Some sort of craft / watering the garden for DD2 while I load washing machine / Hoover / tidy etc
Prepare lunch with help from toddler
Lunch for all
Bf and put baby diwn for nap while toddler draws or watches ceebeebies
Activity with toddler
Prepare /eat supper
Bathtime
Bed for baby, bedtime hour telly for toddler
Bed for toddler

Honestly, the days just disappear away from me. The girls are growing faster than I can keep up with and are more wonderful and fun every day.

Marcheline they're fab and kind of addictive, we have loads now and my husband laughs at the organisation of them all. I'll not admit to having purchased my own laminator to make them all wipeable, but it's soon worth it

Haha, thanks all, taking lots of tips here. The busy bags will fulfill my need for order I think - I may get a spreadsheet going tomorrow.

Weird to say, but thankfully I didn't get the sleep when they sleep the first time around as DS was a terrible napped, so am fully geared up to be permanently knckered.

Ooooh a spreadsheet.... My kinda lady !
Good luck & enjoy!