A moan about MIL

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Hey all, I am new to this so I am sorry if I go on a bit.
Ok so dp and I had our ds at the end of April, he is 15 weeks today :). Before ds was born my relationship with MIL was actually quite good, I had a lot of respect for her and thought she had for me. However since ds came along things with MIL aren't so good.
Early on in ds life MIL had too many opinions. I was nervous as ds is my first and like most mOthers I want to do thinks right, want to get into a routine. When I got home from hospital his mother was at my house!!! As if that wasn't bad enough she was interfering and going on about how ds is like his dad and their side. How I should hold him, how I should change him! I was livid.... I put it down to my hormones at that point. However every time I speak to her or see her she says about how every good point ds has is from their side of the family! As soon as she sees ds she hogs him and I don't get a look in. She goes in about how he's going to be a 'daddy's boy' I am actually so stressed when she's around and am scared ds picks up on it. She totally takes over.

I won't tell all as it would be never ending but I will tell you this!! MIL always goes on about how she gave dp and siblings baby rice at 2 wks of age?!? I just thought she was exadurating and a bit mental to be frank lol. About a month ago when ds was 2 months of age, we were out for a meal with dp mother, step dad, gran and aunt and ds. I was having my dessert and she turned round and said " go and stick his dummy in the cream and put it in his mouth and see what his face goes like" I was mortified and just ignored her and so did dp. When she then repeated it twice over I said we are following the HV guidelines and that's not happening, so she knows how i feel about it! That comment really affected me as I won't leave him alone with her. Anyway, yesterday we were out with her and she was pushing pram (as usual) she had an ice cream and she put her finger in it and said she was putting that in ds mouth so be can try ice cream, dp tried to stop her and I actually thought she was joking!!!!!! She wasn't, she did it and I was blowing my top, couldnt believe how disrespectful she was. Dp had it out with her last night and she still can't see the problem, I know ds is fine but is that not up to us if he gets things like that?!? I don't want to be near the woman now and don't was ds near her, she's clearly gonna do want she thinks right no matter what we want!!!!!

What she did wont do your son any harm. And she raised her own children presumably doing similar things? And I take it they turned out fine?

I think we (I mean all new mums, not you specifically) can be a bit PFB these days when you consider what used to be encouraged 30/40yrs ago!

But, your mil sounds an awful lot like mine! I've learn now to just let it go over my head! DS2 is 13 weeks old and is the absolute image of me yet she was banging on about how he looks like her when she was a baby. She eventually produced a photo saying 'look, see, he's just like me'

Everyone was a bit

Bloody woman!!

Why are you on two identical threads OP?

I do like a good MIL thread but I sometimes wonder if its possible that we could be missing a trick.

By definition MIL's have managed to keep their own children alive and have survived the sleepless nights, the terrible twos, the awkward years and teenagers and all the other stuff in between.

Whilst some of the practices they used may be different to what is now the done thing I think it's inconceivable that they are trying to harm anyone with their actions.

Im extremely fortunate have a superb relationship with my MIL based upon the fact that I remember this, I'm happy to tell her if she's being daft and that I know that she will absolutely do everything possible to spend time with DD and will undoubtedly do things that may raise an eyebrow. If she wants to do the something different, it's not a huge deal.

Occasionally she will pass a comment that, on the face of it, sounds a bit harsh or critical but its not, it is just how she puts it together and I filter the edges, whether I act upon it is up to me.

I'm no advocate for grandparents rights but, to be fair, she just wants to be involved and, as I say, she's got a good track record.

Its a short life, far too short to fret about a badly delivered piece of advice, especially when it's from the best babysitter you'll ever get.

I'm frankly surprised by the first replies here, the standard mn response is that you're the parents, what you say goes. I'm also not a MIL basher but having gone through a tricky period with my IL after the birth of DC1 I understand how over bearing it can feel, especially when you're being told non stop that your child is the spitting image of [in my case FIL] as if my family had nothing to do with it!

Feeding a 15 week old child against the parent's express wishes (and being physically held back by her DS if I understood right?) is absolutely not ok, whether or not you are of the opinion that the current weaning guidelines are right or not.

It sounds as if you and DH are on the same wavelength so he should be explaining to his DM that although her relationship with your DC is important, you want her to respect your decisions as the child's parents.

Everything calmed down with my DPIL after a few months, and I'm sure it will with you too. She is probably over excited (is it the first GC?) so I would try not to burn your bridges either and perhaps try to meet for shorter periods in more neutral places until things settle down a bit. Shorter visits just so there's less opportunity for you to irritate each other