Is this the baby blues?

[Cbell]

My DS is 10 days old and I feel like I can't cope. He's my second child, I already have a DD who is 2.6 years and I feel like everything has been fucked up by having another child.

I have a loving DH and secure home. My DD has not started nursery yet but hopefully will in January for a few mornings a week. however, at the moment I feel like I can't look after these two small children.

The baby is unpredictable and while he is gaining weight his breast feeding is erratic. Sleep isn't great I'm getting about 5-6 hours a night (broken) which I can get by on now while my DH is home but what will happen once he goes back to work.

I know I will be worn out, stressed and emotional all day and that this will impact my parenting. I feel terrified of the future, certainly the next 6-8 months.

Don't panic. You're going to be fine. I found the first 6 weeks toughest after having DC2. I thought I'd ruined everything and had made a terrible
mistake. After 6 weeks things got a lot brighter and 4 years later DD2 is my sunshine and wonderful company for her big sister. Hang in there - I think it feels very scary at first but I think a lot of people feel the same and you will be ok.

That's really good to hear.

I don't think this is PND but I feel so overwhelmed by this change that I was starting to worry that my feelings are unusual.

Any advice on weathering the storm?

I think people underestimate the change that having a second baby brings, I can honestly say it nearly sent me over the edge! I had a windy screamy baby and a tantruming toddler who was pissed off about the baby, it was hellish. I just got through those early months and was terrified again about things like taking them out and getting round supermarket, it all felt so unpredictable. I think it has got easier but it's still much harder than I was prepared for. It knocked me off my feet far more than the first baby, that was a doddle.

Advice? Hm, not sure I have much concrete advice really. 'Fake it till you make it' worked for me!

Also accepting that actually there will not be a system that makes bedtimes / mealtimes work. It will be different every time, you will wing it and you will all be ok.

And a sling is essential. I put DD2 in a wrap sling most of the time, otherwise I couldn't have cooked etc.

and I also accepted that she would cry a lot more than I had ever let DD1 cry. I prioritised DD1 so she wouldn't have her nose put out of joint, and then at least their relationship was able to get off on the right foot. This worked - they get on v well - but I do sometimes feel guilty about letting DD2 cry while I did things for DD1. God knows if it made any difference.

Basically I think my advice is to muddle through because the first 6 weeks just are a muddle, but at least know that whatever you're feeling now really truly won't last for long. You have my sympathy - it is hard. But don't let anxiety be added to the other difficulties. I think it's ok to let yourself feel sad about losing the way you were with just 1 DC. Soon you will begin to see all the wonderful new dynamics emerging as the baby begins to interact adoringly with DC1.

This has been really soothing advice and is much needed.

I find my DD quite hard at the moment and not always that appealing which is horrible to admit/ feel. However, at night I struggle so much with my DS that I could happily send him back.

Just getting used to the new life we're going to be living I guess.

Cbell you are not alone I am going through the exact same thing my ds2 is 9 weeks and my ds1 is 14 months.i thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life and when the baby blues were still around at 4 weeks I knew it was pnd.i have been suffering really bad but I found talking to the hv,midwife,doctor and anybody else who would listen has helped.get as much support as u can in the day and go for a walk everyday if you are not too tired.i feel all your pain x

Forgive yourself- its a massive change that hits you in the face.
I remember having the scariest moment with DS aged 5 weeks when I thought I'd made the biggest mistake if my life - he was a hard baby! I didn't get more than 4 hrs sleep a night until he was 10mo. I was a wreck. And that was just with 1!!!

You have 2- it must be massively tough at the moment. But it will get better, so much better. Just frustrating that it will take some time.

Can you find any means of getting a little help- I know Dd is starting nursery soon but any babysitting for an afternoon possible and anyone available to walk the baby around so you can sleep sometime?

Hi Chell
Hang in there. The first few weeks are tough as you know but they will get easier. I have 2 children, DD 3 and DS 10 months and breastfed both. I did introduce a bottle(formula) with them both as things got harder, it did make it easier-I still breastfed but gave a bottle at night or sometimes during the day. I know some people say not too but it worked for me(and them) and took some of the pressure off. yes breastfeeding is great but the most important thing is to take care of yourself then you can take care of them both. Most mums put so much pressure on themselves and constantly feel guilty. It is great you have a good husband and secure home, get sleep when you can and be kind to yourself.

I've only got one but I think my strategy would be to put the new baby in a sling for the first few months and just act like it was still part of my body (as with pregnancy). Then just go about doing things for DD1 as normal. Also you can feed the baby in the sling if you practice it is very handy x

Hi cbell, my dd has just turned 6 weeks and I can honestly say I feel now in the last few days we have turned a corner...I have felt exactly the same as you up until this week, I spoke to my gp yesterday as we were in for our check and he said it sounded totally normal, deep down I know I don't have pnd, but boy the last six weeks have been the toughest I've ever had, we've had feeding issues, baby was very sick at 10 days old and we ended up in hospital so it's been a bumpy start, also I have 2 other dds to entertain so I know exactly how you feel, I was dreading dh going back to work, but we are now starting to get there, it's not exactly a picnic but it is getting a bit better and my new dd is starting to smile :-) which makes it all so worth it....def talk to someone, friends, moan, rant and have a good old cry when you can that's how I've gotten through the last few weeks....I promise you it will get easier just hang in there ;-)