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Original poster

3.5 year old calling out at night

28 replies

lemontop · 08/08/2013 07:54

I posted about this a few months ago but posting again because it's still happening and has been for well over a year and I am so tired.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to help my ds stop calling out at night and waking us up. He sleeps ok for the first half of the night but then wakes at say 2,4,5,5.30,6..on an average night and sometimes earlier too. Each time he calls out for different things but it's mostly 'tuck me in' after he has kicked his duvet off on purpose. He sleeps in a single bed in his own room and has been in there since he was 2 years old.

I have tried all sorts of things like reward charts with extra special stickers, gro clock, giving him more attention during the day, blackout curtains and blinds...He says there is nothing worrying him. I have taught him how to pick up his duvet and put it back on himself but he won't do it at night. We tried ignoring him but he just screams and wakes all of us including his 1 year old sister and our neighbours.

He has a bedtime routine and falls asleep straight away just after 7pm. He is very active during the day as I don't drive so gets lots of exercise. He doesn't nap any more except for maybe once a week to catch up if he has had a busy week.

My 1 year old still wakes once a night for a feed but this doesn't wake my son.

Any advice?

OP posts:
ZolaBuddleia · 08/08/2013 08:03

We were zero tolerance on this one. We could tell if she had woken up distressed through a nightmare, or if she was ill, and of course comforted her for those wakings, but general waking to call out was met with a sharp telling off.

We just kept repeating "no noise until the sun is here" (Gro Clock), and before bed we'd go through a routine of "What do you do if you wake up? Go back to sleep", "What don't you do? Shout", "At night time we are quiet as a? Mouse".

We talked about it a few times each day too, until she got the message. She's now fine.

mummy2benji · 08/08/2013 08:15

Ds1 (now 4.5yo) was always waking during the night and calling out for things too - the only thing that has worked was to be strict about it and tell him off unless it is a legitimate reason for calling me (nightmare, needing toilet, lost special teddy). I had to be firm and clear "no, it is naughty to shout out" and told him that Mummy will be too tired to take him anywhere fun the next day. It gradually worked!

Original poster
lemontop · 08/08/2013 08:52

We have been telling him off, I also tried just not saying anything at all and putting his duvet back on and leaving the room but it just goes on and on. We are all shattered. Will try discussing it with him again but don't want to dwell on it too much as it's already become 'a thing'.

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HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm · 08/08/2013 09:16

You could try something to distract him such as this that he can turn in himself when he wakes.

Or try the ticket idea - give 3 tickets when he goes to bed that he's allowed to use to get up. Any unspent tickets get swapped for a treat in the morning (e.g. 3 chocolate buttons). It's a more immediate reward than a sticker chart.

Is he cold? Or too hot?

Or is he just lonely? Would you consider setting up a camp bed in your room that he can creep quietly into if he wakes and wants to be near you? With the caveat that he mustn't wake you?

Alternatively, could he stay at GP, if close, without you for a couple of nights? He may not call out to them and this may break the cycle?

Just a few thoughts. Good luck!

Original poster
lemontop · 08/08/2013 11:47

Those are great ideas thank you. Why didn't I think of bribing him with chocolate! It worked almost instantly when I potty trained so I definitely think that's worth a try. He's staying at grandparents on Saturday but they share a bed so often wants us to stay with him when he comes home. I think he is just a bit lonely and wants attention but just wish it wasn't in the middle of the night!

OP posts:
HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm · 08/08/2013 12:00

I love bribery [bad parent!) Grin
Hope it settles soon, sleep deprivation is a killer.

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm · 08/08/2013 12:03

The other option if he's lonely is for him to try sleeping in with your DD if there's room for another bed. Some kids sleep much better room sharing I think. Though you'll have to be brave to try it and risk waking your DD!

orangeandemons · 08/08/2013 12:08

Get some duvet clips from Jojo, then his duvet can't fall off

Original poster
lemontop · 08/08/2013 12:18

I think eventually he will share a room with dd but didn't think it fair on him while she was still waking for a feed but it could work.

I have never heard of duvet clips. I wonder if clothes pegs could work? I also thought about putting a double duvet on his bed. Lots of ideas anyway and a just managed to have an hours nap so feeling much more positive. Thanks.

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dairymoo · 08/08/2013 12:24

We had a bit of this with my DTs, especially through the 3s. I used to tuck their duvets horizontally across their beds so the chance of it falling off was pretty slim. One DT (now 5!) still wakes a bit if it falls off, but it tends to be once every few nights, rather than a few times every night!

Original poster
lemontop · 09/08/2013 09:20

We tried pegging the duvet and the chocolate reward and had a much better night. Only one call out just before his sun was due to come up! Thanks again for the advice.

OP posts:
TVTonight · 09/08/2013 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oscarwilde · 09/08/2013 11:18

Have you got a sleeping bag or a gro bag that goes up to 4? We stopped using one around 2.5 but our 3 yr old went through a similar phase for the past 6 months.
We put her back in a travel cot in a gro bag if she wouldn't settle telling her that big girls don't get up in the middle of the night and make a fuss. Weirdly there were nights when it all kicked off and she settled back in her own bed, shut up and went back to sleep; and then others when she got into the cot, seemed much happier and went off.

Unfortunately at 3.5 it's probably time just to get cross, and continuously the next day tell her that you are grumpy because someone keeps waking you up in the middle of the night. It eventually clicks. Ours wants a pet v badly at the moment and sleeping through has been made a pre-condition. We're a week in with no midnight walk abouts or meltdowns.

KatoPotato · 09/08/2013 11:23

We get the odd night like this, and when he wakes through the night that's him until morning! Minimal contact, but he shouts 'MAKE IT YELLOW!' (gro-clock) 'HEY BOY! WHERE ARE YOU?'

orangeandemons · 09/08/2013 11:24

The clips are great. They are on really thick elastic that goes under the mattress and clip onto either side of the duvet. Dd age 7 still has one now

Eletheomel · 09/08/2013 13:03

This is a harsh suggestion (apologies!) but if you know he can pull his duvet on by himself but is deliberately kicking it off, have you considered goign through and making him get out of his bed and pull his duvet on?

I'd imagine he'd be crying and shouting and it may take some time for him to do it, but maybe if he realises that every time he calls you through that he'll need to do it, that it will become a less attractive option? I also realise this will require you to be calm and insistent when you're absolutely knackered, so might not be a goer!

Our 3.5 year old occassionally calls out at night about his duvet, but it is only occassionally (and not deliberate) so we just put it back on, but was just thinking what I'd do if I thought he was deliberately throwing it off.

We also bought duvet clips (but never used them) but at the moment we tuck one side of his duvet under his mattress (just to help stop him falling out of bed!)

I sympathise with the sleep deprivation!

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm · 09/08/2013 16:19

Well done lemontop, success indeed! Hope it keeps getting better.

Original poster
lemontop · 10/08/2013 20:06

Unfortunately the no calling out only lasted for one night. Last night wasShock horrendous. Ds was shouting at 2am, which woke dd, who was then awake from 2-4am, then ds woke up at 6am for the day, waking dd of course! Back to the drawing board Sad

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BeesGoBuzzzzzz · 10/08/2013 20:14

Why not just accept it for now and buy a small roll mat or similar and tell him he can come into your room when he wakes and sleep there if he wants? We have friends whose daughter is similar age and she comes through about half the nights but they don't even notice as she just goes to sleep.

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm · 10/08/2013 20:19

You've got lots more things to try lemon, it was just the first option. I agree with bees for the next option, if you can't face him room sharing with your DD (don't think I'd want to risk it!).

Original poster
lemontop · 10/08/2013 20:40

The problem is that he is so noisy that he wakes us, dd and our neighbours. There's no way he would just creep quietly into our room. He doesn't do quiet. It's been going on for more than a year now so really want to find a solution soon. I guess the next would be putting the two kids in a room together.

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IWillOnlyEatBeans · 10/08/2013 21:06

My 3.6 yr old also went through a long phase of crying out a lot during the night (and still does sometimes). Coupled with a 7mo old who wakes every 90 mins for a feed I am zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. So I feel your pain!

Things which have had some success:

Buying a special prize which sits on his bedside table. If he goes all night without making a fuss, he gets a star on his chart. Ten stars and he gets the prize. This only works for DS if the prize is clearly visible during the night.
As others have said - making it clear during the day that Mummy would have more energy to play Transformers/do painting/run around like a loon pretending to be Lightening McQueen if I had had more than 45 mins of uninterrupted sleep. As it is, Mummy needs to sit quietly with a cup of tea and a biscuit.
Putting a double duvet on his bed, so it can't be kicked off as easily.

It's really tough, you have my sympathies.

BrianTheMole · 10/08/2013 21:10

My ds went through a phase of this, although he hasn't done it for a couple of weeks. He said he was lonely and was having bad dreams. I leave his door and my door wide open now and leave the hall light on so his room isn't in darkness. It seems to help.

Original poster
lemontop · 23/10/2013 07:07

Bump. This is still going on Sad Sad My 15m dd mostly sleeps through the night now but my ds, who is now 4 is still calling out! Don't know what else to try.

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Thesimplethings · 23/10/2013 07:14

You say he screams when you ignore him? Is that angry screams or upset?

If angry if ignore that too. Might be a long night but he will get the message.

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