Will this damage my relationship with ds?

[louloutheshamed]

I am 34+ weeks pg with dc2, ds is 2y6m. I have a low lying placenta and my consultant wants to rescan me at 36 weeks and if still low then they will admit me and aim to deliver by cs at 38 weeks, earlier if I show any signs of labour.

Obviously I am worried about this as I really don't like the idea of a cs and am not looking forward to being in hospital for 2 weeks.

The week that I am 36 weeks pg we were booked to go away with pils and bil and sil to a holiday cottage about 1.5 hrs away. The dr has basically said that I shouldn't go as I need to be close to the hospital as there is a risk of huge blood loss if I show any signs of labour.

So the hol is booked Fri to Fri and my scan is the Tues in the middle. We are debating what we should do. I feel terrible for ruining the holiday for ds and dh so they could go down for the first weekend and then dh could come back up on the Turs for the scan, and either leave ds down with pils or bring him back. if that is the case my dsis has offered to come up and keep me company as my mum is away that weekend. (I will be fine on my own but obv it would be nice to have company) Or, ds and dh could wait until after the Tues scan and then go down for the last few days of the holiday, which would give us one last weekend as a family of 3...

I am just worried about the impact on ds of me disappearing into hospital and not seeing him for a week and then when I come out having a new baby, and having to recover from a cs which means no lifting/carrying him. I've been getting so teary about it thinking he will forget who I am and it will all be too much for him.

Dh says he doesn't want to leave me but in a way I feel like I would rather dh was with ds than with me as at least that is some continuity for ds.

This has been a big time of change for ds lately. He has just moved into a 'big boy' room and bed, he is potty training (almost done I think) and, v worryingly, he had bitten me twice in the last week which I am horrified by. But I worry that he senses a bout change is afoot.

Wwyd in this situation, ESP regarding the holiday and the time ds should be away?

It won't damage your relationship with him. He is too young to be seriously apportioning blame and bearing grudges - he might have a tantrum and kick up a fuss in the short term if he expected to go on holiday and is then told he isn't going, but that is the worst that will happen. My ds1 is 4.5yo and I find that he can be fairly easily appeased when it comes to disappointments like that - could you and dh and your ds just go somewhere near to where you live for the weekend? Then he still gets to go away and stay somewhere different, which is really the most exciting thing anyway. It doesn't matter where you stay, a local hotel would be fine, maybe you could travel on a train just for the sake of going on a train. Have breakfast in the hotel, find a nearby playground, and have a picnic in the park. I bet he'd be excited about that still. Personally I wouldn't send dh and ds away and you stay at home. You don't want to be miles from a hospital, but equally neither do you want your dh miles away from you, should you go into labour. I speak from experience as I'm a GP but with a special interest in obstetrics. It is a funny time for your ds with another sibling arriving, and it is natural for you to worry, but while he might play up a bit to begin with he will adapt and get used to the new situation quickly.

Thanks, I know ds will handle the disappointment of not going on holiday as I suppose he doesn't really know what was supposed to happen anyway...but, I am worried about he impact of the time away from me while i am in hospital before the baby comes. I worry it will trigger some kind of terrible separation anxiety or psychological trauma...

do they really want to keep you in hospital for 2 weeks? I only ask as a friend had placenta praevia and was booked in for c-section at 38 weeks but just told to come straight in if she went into labour naturally (which, as it happened she did!!)

clearly her case may have been different than yours and you may have other associated risks, but I'd want to be more certain that you actually NEED to be in hospital to be honest

is the holiday place near to another hospital? I think I'd be tempted to go anyway, because if anything did happen you could just get an ambulance to the nearest hospital, just as you would if you were at home?
is that very irresponsible of me?

also, is there any possibility of them altering the scan date so that it doesn't fall right in your holiday? would that help at all?

Yeah I know it sounds extreme but they said some consultants would want me in now at 34 weeks! The said the only reason I can wait another 2 is because I haven't had any bleeding or previous pre term labour.

But they were quite firm that I shouldn't go away and any bleeding is a 999 situation....reassuring!

I asked that about the scan but they said it would have to be on the Tues as I am actually 36+3 then and so getting too near 'term'....

well then i would stay home and go for the scan tues, and maybe get dh to come back up to go with you and then make your decision after that?

i think i would still be tempted to go for that last weekend with just the 3 of you, but only if you can get to a hospital quickly if something did happen

Wow 16 weeks of bed rest! That makes me feel like I've got off lightly! Thanks for the reassurance