I'm that parent - pre-school dd tantrums in public.

[SummerHoliDidi]

I took my dds swimming earlier today, so far so good, we had a lovely time. We got out and got dressed but then the trouble started.

Dd2 is 3.5 (dd1 is 13 and no problem atm) and she did not want her hair brushed. She then refused to get her sandals on and started screaming, then she refused to get up and walk so we could go to the car to go home. Normally I would tell her off but probably pick her up and carry her to the car, today I couldn't do that because I have hurt my back. I ended up screaming at her, I tried to pull her by her arm to get her up and walking but she picked her feet up and just swung by one arm. I shouted at her that if she didn't get up and walk then she could just stay there but I was going to the car. Dd1 tried to go and get her but I shouted at her too, saying that if I've told dd2 she has to walk then she has to walk .

She did eventually follow us but not until I had properly made a scene and shocked everyone in the changing room, and embarrassed dd1. We talked about it in the car and she does now understand that when I tell her to walk then she has to do it, but I also apologised for shouting at them. Dd2 is now my friend again, dd1 less so because I embarrassed her and shouted at her when she was only trying to help.

I know the way I handled it was wrong, and it's not something I do often, I think this is about the 3rd time I've ever screamed and shouted like that and each time it has been because I've been in pain or particularly stressed about something else. How do you handle tantrums in public places when you actually have to get them to do what you want them to do?

I suspect she would have been tired and hungry after swimming - I know I am! So I would have given her a snack and got her dressed quickly then sit her down while you get dressed. Hopefully minimise risk of tantrum.

Basically try and anticipate tantrums - they happen with ds when he's tired, hungry or when I am tired and have no patience.

If he has a tantrum I just stand near him and stay very very calm and wait for him to finish. Or pick him up and get out of there!

She was tired and hungry, so was I. I'd taken a cheese dipper and a biscuit as snacks which she'd already eaten.

I would have loved to just pick her up and get out of there but I physically can't do that right now. I should have let dd1 pick her up and get out of there but by that time I was too worked up and angry about it all to back down .

Perhaps take a pushchair for things like that especially if you can't pick her up? I still use a pushchair for ds who's nearly 4 - he walks mostly but occasionally I need to rush or he needs a rest/mini nap (I have a double pushchair as also have a younger one).

Thanks for replying. It never even occurred to me to take the buggy. We were in the car, so she really didn't need to walk far to get to the car park. We take the buggy when we're walking longer distances but maybe I need to think of these things while I'm not particularly well, although I'm already feeling better than I was this morning so maybe I'll be ok to pick her up by tomorrow.

My DD has only had a few of these mainly if she's poorly or wanting a hello kitty scooter or something . Anyway yesterday when she bawling in Tesco I just bent down next to her and whispered for her to stop it. She shut up to hear what I was saying as I was speaking quietly and it did seem to work.

When ds1 was younger I do recall actually having to knee him into the car seat to get him in (he was doing that stiff as a board thing, and screaming). One time he had a tantrum like that in Tesco carpark and I couldn't get him in the seat, so I walked home carrying him - thankfully not far - and had to go back to get the car later. It's not fun! Count to ten, repeat to yourself "she'll soon be in bed, she'll soon be in bed", grit your teeth and drag / carry as needed to your required destination...