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I just went absolutely ballistic at my children. WWYhaveDone?

15 replies

LaTrucha · 06/08/2013 20:16

At home today with DD 5 and DS just3. I am always very clear about what is allowed and what is not, and, if appropriate, why. At the moment all of this seems to be an open invitation to do exactly what I have told them not to do.

I know this is normal, and today they have been normally good and normally naughty until bedtime when I had gone upstairs to get their room ready, and come down to find them climbing onto the work surface right next to the cooker. They know they are not supposed to do this. DS was told off earlier in the day (sent to room for a minute or two) for reaching up for a pack of eggs on the surface so I'm sure they have recent knowledge of the rule. I'm afraid I totally lost it with them and screamed like a mad thing. It was probably really scary and horrible but also probably less so than being burnt.

I seem to ask myself more on more frequently how on earth I am supposed to keep them safe if they simply won't do as they are told. I could probably put a lock on the kitchen door, but I can't prevent every single potentially dangerous thing. The other day I found DS balancing on the back of the armchair which I have told him a million times not to. I can't lock that away.

Isn't it really the case that they just have to learn? And how do I teach them without screaming if they just won't listen.

What would you have done?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
FlappingRobyn · 06/08/2013 20:24

Never cook if you are not there to watch the children around the cooker.

Buy safety gates for the kitching doorway.

Take the kids to room and ask them to help u tidy.

Hassled · 06/08/2013 20:26

Other than the shouting (and we've all been there - obviously not great, but you're human) what are the consequences for their actions? Are there any?

It's hard at that age - I know some people do really well on the stickers/rewards for good behaviour, but that never worked for long with mine and while yes, you should absolutely make a huge fuss of the times they are doing what you say, equally there has to be a consequence of the times they aren't - especially when they're putting themselves in danger etc. If it were me - up to their bedrooms for a few minutes, which was my version of a time-out. If nothing else, it gave me time to calm down. And when they were a bit older and appreciated the value of money, I gave them pocket money and would then deduct 10p or whatever per misdemeanour.

Re the shouting - it takes more self-control than I've had at times, but talking really really quietly (with a bit of menace thrown in :o) is way more effective at getting kids to listen.

shootfromthehip · 06/08/2013 20:30

Don't feel bad- my son burnt his hand on a cooker on holiday despite him being 6 and knowing better. It was because he wanted something from the cupboard too...

I wouldn't lock the kitchen: they need to learn and at 3 and 5 they are nearly at the stage where they should be following your rules.

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LaTrucha · 06/08/2013 20:34

Thanks for your responses.

I wasn't cooking. The cooker was off but they wouldn't be able to tell the difference so in terms of what they think it makes no difference to me.

DS knocked down the screwed in gate we had between the living room and kitchen. Twice. There 's no point putting it back up as he can knock it down.

We do have a system of discipline in place, based on the 1,2,3 Magic book. Essentially if they are misbehaving they get two warnings and the third time it's a few minutes in their room. If something is really bad, straight to their room.

I'm an ex-teacher, so I know the low voice thing. It is good.

However, I am just frustrated that while they know exactly what will happen if they misbehave it doesn't stop them doing so. I don't expect them to be wonder children but arghhh bloody hell.... the cooker!

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Mabelface · 06/08/2013 20:38

Sometimes, going ballistic does reinforce the message. Not saying it's something that should be done often, but where safety is concerned, it can be a useful tool.

LaTrucha · 06/08/2013 20:49

Something has got to work!

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Loveleopardprint · 06/08/2013 20:53

We have a halogen hob and I was always shouting at mine. One day I took a grape and put it on the hob to show them how hot it was even though it didn't look hot. Also what that heat would do to their fingers.

It shocked them into thinking twice. X

Loveleopardprint · 06/08/2013 20:54

Don't know why I put a x!!! Sorry !!!

LaTrucha · 06/08/2013 20:59

That's an idea. I did think that the fact DD was burnt (while being looked after by someone else) and that Ds is afraid of fire might help (he won't go within ten feet of our barbecue) but maybe it's because it's in such a familiar place that it feels 'safe' IYSWIM.

May well try the grape thing.

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butterflyexperience · 06/08/2013 21:27

Are your 2 normally at school and preschool?

My older 2 are the same age as yours an honestly these hols its like its open house for them to behave like idiots...

I think they are missing the stimulation of school and their friends

What can you do? Just your best and ignore a lot of it (unless safety is an issue)

LaTrucha · 06/08/2013 21:37

They are missing school. They both love it. I'm a bit off my game ATM, which doesn't help. I do feel grotty if I lose it with them. First time this holidays!

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plipplops · 07/08/2013 08:37

DD2 ran out into the road once when a car was coming. I went nuts and then cried at her as I was so frightened. I decided to let them see how upset I was in the hope it might have some impact (they were younger then but did seem to remember it). I think when it's a safety issue if you over-react it's ok to say "I'm sorry I shouted but I was really scared you'd hurt yourself etc. etc." Try not to beat yourself up about it.

LaTrucha · 07/08/2013 08:52

Thanks. I did that and we sat and had a cuddle and a talk about it. We'll see if they get through the day today!

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MiaowTheCat · 07/08/2013 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaTrucha · 07/08/2013 09:40
Smile
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