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Parenting

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Original poster

I've shout at my poor baby. I'm ahamed of myself for being a lousy mother.

14 replies

FarFromPerfect · 05/08/2013 20:08

DD is 9 months old and I love her with all my heart.
However, I sometimes find it really hard not to lose my temper with her when she refuses to nap, or screams when I put her down for five minutes so I can tidy up etc etc. She really pushes my buttons and I'm ashamed to say I have shouted at her a few times. Each time I have done it I feel dreadful and vow not to do it again. I have never ever harmed her physically but it worries me that I may harm her psychologically if I carry on like this.
I have tried leaving the room to try and calm down o rscreaming out of earshot but I'm still struggling.
Yesterday she refused to nap and I shouted at her, which upset her even more, and I spent half an hour cuddling her and feeling absolutely dreadful.
Can anyone offer me any advice?

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Cheeseatmidnight · 05/08/2013 20:20

You sound overwhelmed - is there anyone you can speak to? D you have any friends with babies of a similar age?

lola88 · 05/08/2013 20:23

If you shout at her and don't feel guilty then you have a problem, i know some people say they never shout at there kids but i've never met one in RL that can hand on heart say they never do.

It's not nice and I try not to but sometimes I feel so on edge I can't help it once DN jumped on the soft about 1cm from newborn DS's head and I screamed at her I also shouted I hate you at DS when he hadn't slept more than 30 mins at a time for weeks i'm sure i'll be slated for it on here but it's the truth i'm not a perfect mum it's hard i feel guilty but at the end of the day the kids love me and know i love them.

I've no advice but your not alone in finding it hard and losing your temper sometimes keep working on not doing it but don't let a few bad days taint the whole picture of how your daughters life is.

CitrusyOne · 05/08/2013 20:26

My dd is nine months too op and I struggle with the bedtime thing- she's always fallen asleep on the boob and now she had the milk but doesn't drop off and then lies in her cot for about 45 mins. I don't have the patience and get really agitated with her. And yes, I sometimes grit my teeth and say 'just GO TO SLEEP!'.

None of us are perfect. I try hard to keep my temper but having a baby is tough at times.

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HearMyRoar · 05/08/2013 21:27

9 months is a hellish time for sleep as the dreaded regression strikes. Dd was a terrible sleeper and I once got so wound up and exhausted by it dp found me sleeping in the hall because I couldn't bear to be in the same room as her.

As others say I will eat my hat if anyone can truthfully say they have never shouted at a baby who just won't sleep when everyone is exhausted. It is horrid but really be kind to yourself. This too will pass as they say round here :)

Mummyoftheyear · 05/08/2013 21:39

Feel better... I was user today because my son successfully goaded me into a reaction. Not his fault but I couldn't help myself but show him the door after hearing a multitude of 'I don't want to life in this house' comments - alongside a few ''I want a different mummy!'. :(

mummy2benji · 06/08/2013 20:34

We've all done that - if other mums on here haven't then I take my hat off to you. Babies are wonderful and delightful but also exhausting and demanding and wear you out. We're all been at that point where we are just desperate for a bit of peace and the little darling has other ideas and is bawling their head off and refusing to sleep / fighting with you on the nappy changer / doing their best octopus impersonation while you try to wrestle clothes onto flailing limbs - and your patience reaches snapping point. Don't beat yourself up about it. She won't remember. Her screaming might go up a decimal for a minute but then it'll be forgotten and you won't damage her in any way. Just try to recognise when you're starting to reach the end of your tether and remind yourself that it's short-lived, that she'll tire and go to sleep soon, that it doesn't really matter if the house is a tip / the laundry isn't done and dh doesn't have any clean pants. Then when she is settled don't rush about like a lunatic trying to get stuff done. Just sod it all and sit down and have a cuppa.

alicemac83 · 06/08/2013 21:40

I'm the same. I've just had two hours of hell with my nearly three year old refusing to sleep. I try my best to stay calm but after constant screaming, having read about 20 stories and taken her to the toilet 5 times I lost my temper, ran to the bottom of the garden and cried.
I work full time, commute an hour and a half to get home then have to cope with the same thing every night. I'd love to grin through it but I'm afraid I'm only human xx

Potteresque97 · 07/08/2013 00:41

Yes, this is the thing I feel most guilty about too, are you getting out to mums groups? Having some nice friends to see can take the edge off even if you are knackered. I never wanted to go out, but once I started making an effort it got easier. Is someone able to support you to have a break?

HeatherSprouse · 07/08/2013 16:48

I think you need a break your depressed sit back and have some

MiaowTheCat · 07/08/2013 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CreatureRetorts · 07/08/2013 20:18

Are you getting enough sleep? Why are you so angry? I wonder if there's PND lurking because you sound like its all too much.

I would suggest you speak to your HV about how things are going.

tazmo · 07/08/2013 20:52

Hello I did this with ds1 about the same time as he kept wriggling with his nappy changed. Dh was there and was a bit shocked. Looking back, I had a bit of PND. Nothing serious but make sure you share your feelings with dh or friends and hv if you trust them. It doesn't get any easier and something I think it is good to vent rather than keep it in. Kids need to know right from wrong when they are older. Kids need to learn also to let go. If you keep,it all in, it's not healthy. However, a 9 month old doesn't know any different. Don't feel guilty. We have al been there. Worry about it if you feel you could harm your child.

Alanna1 · 07/08/2013 21:18

Try shouting ssssshhhhuush. Makes me feel better! And still sounds shush-like.

technosausage · 07/08/2013 21:18

My little "darling" is nearly one and it has taken all my strength today not to shout at him today
Being a mum is bloody hard work and we don't get a medal and a pat on the back at the end of the day, we get tears, refusing naps, dirty nappies, screaming and occasionally bitten
We are not made of steel, we are human, we get tired, stressed and sometimes loss are cool.
You are doing a great job, please don't forget that.

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