My 13 year old accidentally set the kitchen on fire!

[Weegiemum]

Not quite sure how to play this one.

My dd1, oldest child, is 13. She had a friend on a sleepover last night asked to make popcorn - she's usually very reliable so I said yes. Dh was working away, I went upstairs (as there's no seperately room downstairs).

15 min later our next door neighbour rang the bell - did I know there was smoke coming from our kitchen? Dd1 had forgotten about the popcorn. There were actual flames coming from the pot! Kitchen door was shut, so smoke alarm hadn't gone off, but as soon as we opened the door the alarm went crazy.

There's no real damage - pot is black (and it's a big Le Crueset casserole pot I've had since we go married 18 years ago!) and there's a vague smokey smell. A string of chillies that were hung on the cupboard door above the hob are a bit charred.

I'm really spooked, dh is fizzing mad, dd1 seems to think its a big joke.

I feel like we have to try to show her it's not a joke and could have been very serious.

Not sure how to play this one!!

Maybe you could have a chat with the fire brigade? See if they'd mind having a chat with her? (You could take her to the station). You should get an alarm for your kitchen too - if they come to you then they'll install it for free too.

Yes that's the sort of thing we're thinking. I didn't think a smoke alarm in the kitchen was recommended - it'd go off every time I make toast!!

I need to get her to realise the severity of it. The house could have gone on fire - I'm really wobbly thinking about it all!

My response would be that if the child isn't responsible enough then they aren't allowed to do any more cooking, or other grown up stuff.

I think that's going to be it, really. She's a great baker and cooks family meals (has always been interested) but I don't thinking can leave her to do it alone for a while.

She's more apologetic this afternoon but still seems to hink it's funny. It really isn't!

I would send her on a fire safety course. I attended one when I was 15 (for D of E, not because I had set anything on fire!) and it was very good.

One of the things they show you is videos of how quickly a fire can take hold; I think this should be essential viewing for all adults & teenagers.

Give it a little while and try talking to her again.

I suspect that she is ashamed and/or embarrassed (especially if the friend was still there) and that is why she is trying to laugh it off. She's only 13 so she is bound to be immature but I think if you leave it to sink in a bit you might get her to take it a bit more seriously.

Failing that, try and find something on Youtube about how quickly things can go up in flames.

I agree though, I wouldn't be letting her do things unsupervised for a bit and make sure she knows why.

She's still at Guides (going into S2 after the summer, in Scotland soa bit later) and they're doing firefighter (?) badge after the summer. Just as well!!

Yep I'd say fire officer talk, and also restricting her freedom with cooking until she can prove that she is responsible. Anyone can make a mistake, but it's her reaction which isn't mature enough really.

I know anyone can make a mistake - see my comment about toast!

I'm wondering if she's been acting like its funny because friend was here. She's gone out this afternoon to a youth event via Church. Dh and I will talk to her together tonight.

Firefighter badge might not be a good thing - it might make her more blasé about it. It might lead her to believe she can handle it. It would be better if the fire didn't start in the first place, never mind fighting it! Maybe a fire prevention badge.

Lets hope the main focus of their badge is not to try and tackle any except the very tiniest fire, just call the fire brigade and leave the building - this was the message drilled into us at twice yearly fire training at work. The 12 storey building I worked had the whole 3rd and 4th floor destroyed in one of the worst fires the local firemen had ever dealt with. They were very hot on fire training both for commercial and domestic buildings after that - excuse the pun.

Definitely show her some videos of how quickly fire takes hold. She may actually have been very freaked out about it and just expressing it badly with humour.

By the way Weegie you can get heat alarms for the kitchen so you'll get an alert if a fire starts without the darn thing going off every 2 seconds for smoke. Well worth having.