Before I start this, I just want to say I realise that most kids refuse to accept blame for things that go wrong, and the common default is to say 'it wasn't me' when faced with getting into trouble over stuff. My issue is how to teach my 8 yr old DD to better understand that a actions/words/deeds have consequences and that it's better to take responsibility than lie about it/blame some one/thing else. I suspect I've been dealing with this all wrong and need some other ideas/suggestions on how to improve this situation.
My DD is 8 and has more recently become prone to lying about things she's said/done than admit when she's in the wrong. She prefers to enter the realms of fantasy than help with practical solutions to problems she creates. Mainly, I suspect because her ability to concentrate/focus on the present/job at hand is so poor. It's an issue we are having with school work i.e. she disappears into her own world instead of listening to her teacher, misses the point of the lesson, and then day dreams some more because she doesn't know what to do.
She moves things, leaves things where they aren't supposed to and then can't remember what she's done with them. She then lies about what has happened to it i.e. a ghost took it, an monster ate it, a spell was cast etc. do trying to get her to trace back to when she last had it is impossible.
She recently lost 2 expensive items I cannot replace. She took them out of home, despite being repeatedly told she wasn't allowed, and left them behind at an activity weeks ago. She only told me this 3 days ago so I had no chance to contact the person in charge to see if they had been found etc. We were invited to a friends house yesterday and all the kids played together. The hosts child has several of the same expensive items and was told not to bring them out for all to play with. This was ignored and all were playing with the items. The one DD was playing with has gone missing. To be clear, it's not been stolen, but I suspect this is what host is thinking, given the text I received earlier. DD suggested yesterday that a bird had taken it to make a nest, I've been asked to find out what DD did with it/ where she put it as the boy is 'devastated'. I've said ill speak to DD but knowing her, I have zero chance of getting anything like a coherent explanation of what she did with it. I'm fur to collect her tomorrow and will speak to her but I already know how the conversation will go.
My question is how do I get DD to not get defensive and give me some idea on how to try and find this bloody thing? I suspect that she's simply put it down somewhere and will not remember where. I just don't know how to get past that to get some possibly useful information that might result in the item being found. I also suspect that we won't get another invitation to this home again, given the tone of the text I got earlier so while I don't want to suggest DD is responsible for us being 'shunned' I want to explain in a round about way that upsetting someone by being careless with their things is her responsibility IYSWIM.
Sorry for typos etc. but on iPhone.
Any help/suggestions?