partners parents want to take daughter away

[mumschat]

Ok so my partners parents have recently come back from a week away on holidays. While I was involved with my 21 month daughter on the otherside of the room but within clear earshot of my partner and his parents conversation I heard them sayin how much my daughter would like the place that they stayed and how they might take her the next time with their own three children 16 14 and 10. My daughter will only be 2 and a half when they are talking about taking her with them. Please tell me if I am being inreasonalble but I would feel really uncomfortable with this and I wouldn't allow it I think she is far too young to be travelling to another country without me and with all the kidnappings that go on I would be worried sick also her first time being on holiday will be with me and partner in a few weeks. I know me and my partner will fight about this because he thinks everything his parents says is right and doesn't see a problem with anything as long as its his side of the family . How would anyone else feel in this situation ?

If I didn't want my child to go I would put my foot down and say no. Simple as that, if they don't like it its their problem. Its up to you and your dp to decide and if you don't agree then that should be the end of the matter, imo.

Far too young without a parent.

You don't make it clear if your DD is your DP's child also. If yes, then I would consider allowing the trip, if no, then probably not at this stage.

It also depends on how well your DD gets on with her grandparents and how close she is to them.

Why are you so worried about what they "might" do a year from now?! Just smile, and say "yes, that would be lively when she is old enough." You don't have to let her go. Though if your DP thinks it would be good for her, perhaps you need to examine your own motivations in saying no. Two and a half is still very young, but would you be happy when she was older, maybe in a few years' time?

Lovely not lively!

Yes TryHarder she is both our child but my partner just goes along with everything his parents say if it was my parents talking about taking her it would be a different case..when I feel she is old enough yes I would allow it Jinsei and I know this is talking a year from now but it was on my mind a lot and I wanted to see how someone would feel in this situation she also isn't close at all to them she won't even go with her grandad anywhere unless I come and if she is tired or sick she won't go near them she is very clingy to me around them and also my partner lives and works abroad and only comes home for a weekend every 2 weeks so I dont think he really understands how much my daughter relys on me I have only ever left her for one night at a time

No way would I be okay with this - I have a 2.7 yr old, he is not leaving the country without me! Nor would he want to, which anyone in contact with us could see. OP, you might find they are just idly speculating about the loveliness of the possible future without really planning to take her. All the same, you could take it as a deadline to get borders and clarity working in the family relationships so that if the eventuality arises and you judge her not able to go while they want her to, you'll be listened to and respected. If all.else fails, it's worth remembering that you can't take a child out of this country without consent from both parents and you can withhold that consent should you feel you need to.

Thanks Sparklyboots im glad I am not alone with the way I feel I know there is no way in hell i will be allowing this i just wanted someone elses opinion on it i also feel that they should not be saying that they might take her away as if they can just do what they please it kind of annoyed me as they were not saying it in an asking permission kind of way they have had 4 boys and this is also their first granchild and i often feel that my partners mother thinks sometimes that she is hers as she often does things with my daughter without even asking if its ok she also does not listen to my partner when he asks her not to give her certain foods such as chocolate or fizzy drinks which irritates me she can be very bossy

This could be me! Apart from it would be staying in this country but I'm still not keen, mine is 2 and I'm sure it will be lovely in a few years right now I just worry about him running off (he is always looking for an exit!) and them not noticing. Silly but I'm a bit of a hovering mum, ultra paranoid about someone snatching) Same situation about kind of telling/asking my partner-drives me bloody mad!!

I don't think it's really that strange a request tbh they are her grandparents not some random strangers and have 4 kids so i'm sure they are able to take care of your child BUT i wouldn't let DS go not because i'd be worried about him just because i would miss him and he would miss me. I certainly wouldn't argue about it just say i know you would take fab care of her but i'd miss her to much, also point out it won't be much of a holiday with a little kid to run after.

You could always go with them it would give you a nice break having them on hand and they would still go.

I don't think it's really that strange a request tbh they are her grandparents not some random strangers and have 4 kids so i'm sure they are able to take care of your child BUT i wouldn't let DS go not because i'd be worried about him just because i would miss him and he would miss me. I certainly wouldn't argue about it just say i know you would take fab care of her but i'd miss her to much, also point out it won't be much of a holiday with a little kid to run after.

You could always go with them it would give you a nice break having them on hand and they would still go.

Mine wouldn't be going unless we were. End of.

There is not a hope that I would let anybody take my daughter away for that length of time at that age. Firstly I'd be worried sick, she would be too young to enjoy a trip like that and at that age would just be distressed to be away from you for any Length. It actually makes me feel queasy just thinking about it. I think its quite cruel and arrogant of your dp's parents to think that it is acceptable to take a 2 year old from her mother for a week without causing the child a great deal of distress, especially hearing about the relationship that they have with her. I would just say no that she's still a bit young, maybe in another couple of years...and I would not discuss it further. Other than to just say no I'm not happy with it so it won't be happening!

I think it's a reasonable request.
I expect a 2/3 yo would love the company of the older kids.

And worrying about kidnapping is neurotic, imo.

My daughter has been on holiday several times with her grandparents, has thoroughly enjoyed it, and it has contributed to her close and loving relationship with them.

Come back when they book your DD's ticket behind your back, then I'm sure you'd get a unanimous YANBU. But for now they have just possibly made a flyaway comment, so it's not worth getting het up about just yet.

If they bring it up again, just say 'I'd rather not let her leave the country without me there.' They can't take her from you forcibly. If you are sure that your OH will side with them, tell him that you have the power of veto with regards to big decisions like this- if one isn't happy, it ain't happening.

I wouldn't be comfortable with that AT ALL and would just be saying no. When it comes to my girls, no one does anything I am not comfortable with, they are too precious to me.

However, thats not really relevant to you. The only thing that's relevant is how you feel.

If you're not comfortable, speak to your DP and be firm. He could be just as uncomfortable with it as you, but even if he's not, he should back you up over his parents.