ds2 is nearly 3 and nowhere near ready to ditch nappies. Help Please!!

[MommyD]

ds1 potty trained in a week at 2.9

ds2 is 2.10 and has no idea. I took nappies off yesterday and we have had one wee in the pot (the first after nappy off). Everything else on the floor.

He always says he wants a wee or poo AFTER he is standing in a puddle or has filled his pants. He even then heads for the toilet saying he needs a wee or poo. He isn't ready is he? Is it normal to have no idea at this age? He just doesn't seem to get it.

I ask him if he says he knows whe he wants a wee or poo, he says yes, but I am sure he doesn't.

Tempted to give up, but hubby says stick with it. I would HATE him to be wearing nappies at 3 - which is only 2 months away. What would you do?

You need the hand of Cod

IME of potty training four children, they always start off with no idea what to do. You endure about three days of what you describe and then they start to get the idea (gradually!)

Two of mine were 3 or nearly 3 when I started and I kept waiting because in books it says they will let you kow when they are ready, but none of mine ever did! I think your husband is right and you just have to bite the bullet and get on with it. Give up if you make no progress at all aftr a week, but I bet you will.

My DS1 was not remotely interested in parting with his nappy at 3. I never really "trained" him as such, just asked him if he fancied the potty from tiem to time thinking when he is ready, he will go for it. Then one day he came home from nursery at 3 years and 3 months, took his nappy off and that was it. Dry day and night and not a single accident. Don't worry. Lots of children are in nappies after 3, but parents rarely admit to it so you often feel like yours is the only one. It's not necessarily that they are not physically ready, but with mine I am sure he was just emotionally attached to his nappy and not ready to let go yet. Don't stress is my advice:)

dumbledoresgirl - ta - I think I have been spoiled by my first son who was the easiest to train. One day I said " no more nappies for you son". Pants on, one or two accidents over a week and virtually no accidents since (he's turned 4)

Oh and ta - cos hubby now grinning as he "... is always right..."

Oh I am sorry for encouraging your dh is his false views!

But do keep trying for now. I am around a lot and don't mind offering advice/encouragement as needed!

Why would you HATE him to be wearing nappies age 3? It's quite normal for a child to need nappies aged 3 or older, especially a boy.

If he was not ready to ride a trike, or tie his shoes, would you be feeling the same way and (from the sounds of it) feeling a bit cross with him?

It's perfectly normal for a child this age not to be ready. Leave him until he is ready and, like your dd, he will do it in a week. Boys are notoriously slower in this area of development but you have only allowed him 1 month to catch up with your dd's progress. Just save yourself the heartache :)

I found this MommyD, I don't know if it helps to reassure you:

"A recent article in the journal Pediatrics, Relationship Between Age at Initiation of Toilet Training and Duration of Training: A Prospective Study, provides parents some help. This study found that starting intensive toilet training early, which is defined as asking your child to use the potty more than 3 times a day, resulted in kids who were potty training at a younger age than parents who started later. However, the study also found that the earlier you started, the longer it took. And kids who began intensive training before 27 months didn't necessarily finish potty training before kids who started later.

This study doesn't mean that you should wait until after 27 months to start training, but it does offer some interesting points, including that parents in the study:

started some form of potty training at about 21 months (took out a potty chair, etc), but didn't start intense training until 29 months (asking their child to use the potty more than 3 times a day)
finished potty training at an average of 37 months
took about 5-10 months to complete potty training and this was even longer, about 14 months, for parents who started before their child was 24 months old. In general, the older the child was when they started potty training, the less time it took to complete training.
The study also found that most parents misjudged when their child was ready to begin training"

I have put the above bit in bold to show that the average age, that's boys and girls, are potty trained at over 3 years old. I hope this helps a bit.

I was a bit surprised by that last one myself actually, so I did a bit more googling and found:

"It is important to note that the average age for toilet training completion in the United States (not counting nighttime dryness) is three. That is just an average, so this means that there are a number of children trained closer to two, as well as others who reach this milestone around age four. The trick is to identify readiness and then proceed in a relaxed manner. "

which is also reassuring, but also makes me think that these figures are for the US - I think we are a little bit more uptight about it in the UK, perhaps unfortunately?

my ds was perfectly "trained" at 2.2. By this I mean he decided not to wear nappies ever again. I didn't train him, ffs, I think nappies are easier... and they should do it in their own time...yada yada...

Anyway, he's now decided not to be potty trained any more. He's decided nappies are well cool and he's going to pee on the carpet any chance he gets. Just like his best friend. (his mummy is bribing him with smarties, i think fillyboy may be holding out for them too)

And apparently this is not a hugely uncommon experience.

So don't worry. Really really don't. I have a friend whose dd wasn't potty trained til she was nearly 5. She's well on course for Oxbridge. Don't worry.

Having just moved to the US - alot of the staff at my ds's school are very suprised he's potty trained - he turned 3 in early may and has been dry during the day for about 6 months...but in the US they hardly start before they are nearly 3 esp boys - so think its right that in the UK we are a bit anxious about getting things moving earlier

I know in Scandanavia they are a lot more relaxed about potty training too. I used to know someone from there who was horrified that children under 3 were even started on potty training. However, living as she was in England at the time, she was potty training her sub 3 year old because she said she felt the pressure of opinion around her. My son was coming up to 3 too and I also started training him as I could sense (and new for certain there was) disapproval that he was still in nappies.

I am not saying this is the world's best reason for potty training - because people around you think your child should be out of nappies - but you can't discount the opinion around you easily. (well, I couldn't!)

Mine is 3 in July and still isn't keen, sadly. He will occasionally use the potty but insists on having his nappy on 9/10 of the time. Got very excited about having some Bob the Builder big boy pants but won't wear them - just keeps them in his bed so he can sleep surrounded by them!

My dd is 3 in a fortnight and is showing no inclination to coming out of nappies at all. I did post another thread asking what would happen if she was left to do it in her own time, but got no replies :( so am really glad of this thread. My other 8 children have all been out of nappies by day between the ages of 2y and 2y6m so this is something new for me. Interesting to hear other views on the subject.

Thank you so much for your replies. I will relax a bit - but stick with it for a week and see if things improve. If not, I will wait a few weeks. No, I am not cross with him at all - I just suppose (as with all other things) I cannot HELP comparing him to ds1 who did everything 'on time' or indeed early

I do know what you mean about comparing. Fillyboy walked at 11 months and 4 days. We were waiting with Fillygirl to see when she would walk...11 months....11 months 1 day....11 months 1 day 10 hours....

She walked on 11 months and 4 days. FFS!

very slightly later in the afternoon, though, it must be said...

I was frantic with DS1 who eventually got the idea a week before his third birthday.
DS2 has just more or less potty trained himself this week at nearly 2.10. I was really surpised as the last time I suggested it (during half term) he had no idea and no inclination.
I would leave it a couple of weeks