How do you handle getting upset at the crying of babies/toddlers?

[Elwyn]

I have a 12 month old DS who is very cheerful and smiley most of the time but now and again he gets very upset and cries over e.g. bath taps running, being changed, food not being spooned into his mouth quickly enough, etc. Everyone else sees this as normal and I know it is but I react irrationally to it - I feel so anxious and absolutely distraught. So out of proportion! DH says I have always been intense people pleaser and so cannot handle that my little man is occasionally in situations he does not like but that are unavoidable. The worst is probably when I spend a few minutes preparing his food, he wails and wraps his arms round my legs. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle these feelings? I want to just be sanguine and calm about it all but feel that the only way I could do that is if I had some Valium!

just look at it as a way of communicating
in fact, it is his only way until he learns words
he is not really upset as he hasn't learnt how to be yet

I find it hard too, OP. Since DD was born, I have tried to articulate what I think is wrong. Initially, when it was trapped wind, I would chant, 'Oh, mum. Help me. My tummy hurts.' Now it is a range of chants such as:

I'm hungry Mummy. Where's my food?

I'm sleepy Mummy. Put me down.

I'm teething Mummy. Distract me.

I'm grumpy Mummy. Play with me.

It helps me get things done, i.e. make the lunch, while DD screeches at me.

I really do find it very hard. It makes me feel like a failure as a Mum - which I know is an irrational thought/feeling. Far more stressful than I could ever have imagined.

I often wonder why I feel like this.

I'm going to sound a bit harsh, but you will need to harded to his cries. otherwise everytime something isn't going his way, he'll cry and get what he wants. that is no way to teach him about life.
I'm afraid there will be plenty more tears as he grows up.

(then lock yourself in the loo when he's gone to bed and let it all out!)

I remember when my dd was a toddler and ds was a baby there were often times when they would both be wailing and I couldn't fix whatever it was for them at the same time. So one would have to be left crying while I sorted the other. It was so stressful at times and my mantra to myself would be "it's OK no one is dying!". It can make you feel so stressed to hear your own child crying, but trying to put it in to perspective helped me. It might sound like the end of the world from the noise they make, but it's usually something that can be fixed easily given time (to prepare a meal, give a cuddle, get child to bed etc). I would just try to keep my breathing calm and remind myself that everything would be fine in a few minutes. Good luck!

In the nicest possible way I agree with KatyN. That isn't to say that my children crying doesn't do the same thing to me, most of the time I deal with it rationally but everyone so often it gets to me.

Try to distract / avoid triggers that set him off, so re dinner give him something to munch as a pp suggested, have it ready a bit earlier so that he isn't already over the edge by the time you get it ready. Planning ahead may help at bit.

I also rationalised the crying, parents are ingrained to respond to their children crying so that they survive and can then grow up to reproduce. Their crying is designed to get right at you so that you respond right away. Other children's crying doesn't bother me in the same way, I'm mainly relieved that it isn't mine for once.