Am I a bad parent??

[Newmum85]

Can someone please give me some advice....
I am a new mam to a 22week old little girl (born 10 weeks prem). I had to have an emergency C section and i was very poorly for a week after. She spent 5 weeks in neonatal. I haven't had this rush of love everyone keeps talking about and I'm finding it hard to think of ideas to keep her entertained. I am a educated woman with a good job but I am finding it a challenge to motivate myself into doing fun things with my baby. She is an absolute angel, sleeps right through, hardly cries and very loving so why is it so hard for me? I am back to work in a few weeks and feel a huge amount of guilt at wasting the little time we have left. Some days we play none stop and others I just feel like I have no energy and want to vegetate. Is this normal?

Just to add there wasn't a bond at the start but I do feel a lot more attached to her now although its not this ridiculous love most people seem to experience.

Sorry for the grammar I have just tried to cram in as many facts as possible. Any advice would be really grateful !!

I didn't have the rush of love to my daughter after an EmCS. Having an EmCS is incredibly stressful and I didn't love her straight away. I felt like shit for it. Everyone tells you that you should have that rushing feeling of affection, it doesn't always happen. It has no reflection of you as a woman and mother. You now how you feel for her now. And that's what is important. If this is a real issue for you 22 weeks later speak to your HV because you can go through what happened during your labour so you can come to term with it. You can even have councilling if you need it.

Yes sometimes I am really good and play with my little monkey and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I really haven't got a clue what I am doing.

Having a baby is a huge change and yes it does take a while to come to term with it all. And no it doesn't make you a bad mother

It is totally ok not to feel overjoyed every waking minute with a newborn or small baby. You probably would not even think of it if you had not had a rough start to it. Lots of new mums feel disappointed by the fact that sometimes it feels hard work and no fun. Loving a firstborn I found very different from loving next kids. It took lots of time to lose my feeling of hesitation and uncomfortable worry that I am doing things wrong. I think I only got this unconditional and instant love feeling with my second one. And, babies need time to themselves as well, so allow your dear child to enjoy the toys She can unassisted as much as you both feel comfortable with it - just looking at things hanging close is entertaining to them when they are so little, they even start "talking" to them and that is so lovely to see and listen. Do not waste time worrying, that is really the waste, not the fact that you are not playing with her all the time She is awake. Enjoy the long walks with pram you can only do until they are about 1 and half etc.

I was the same. I didn't feel that rush of love for a good few weeks. I'm a teacher and went back to work full time when dd was 3 and a half months old. I did feel guilty and constantly tried to reassure myself I wasn't a bad mother. To be honest I did find the baby stage a but dull but tried my best and I felt as she got older I came into my own. My dd is now 2, my absolute world and I find it much easier now she's into drawing, reading etc...

I didn't feel the rush either and found it quite hard work playing with DS until he was bigger and could play back he's 18mo now and i do have the rush of love several times a day his new thing is to say 'see ya' to people and every time he says it it is so damn cute i feel a big rush.

It will come i didn't like the baby bit with my niece who lived with us either and found it hard to connect until she was bigger every one said it would be different with a baby i gave birth to but i still found DS a bit boring. It's prob selfish but once they could show love back and their personality's started to really shine through i couldn't get enough of them even now my neice is on holiday and when she calls me saying she's been in the sea and chatters on about it i just could burst with love for her.

as my mat leave was finishing I felt that I had to 'cherish' every moment at home with my son. I think I was just finding other things to make my life hard. Not every day has to be an amazing experience. It's just life.

Have a day vegetating.. It's called playing at home. and you don'thave to play with her all the time.. it's called independent play!!!

x

Op, I agree one more voice of support. I put dd in nursery 2 days a week when on mat leave as I needed some days where I got a break, it's ok not to want to be caring 24/7 and have time for yourself. Dd loved her nursery and slept better after. It doesn't sound to me like you are getting a break. I remember having good days and bad days where I had no energy. Are you getting to mums groups? It helps to see other mums if supportive, I thought I was the only one that looked like I was struggling, not so. It might be an idea to try and go back pt but have one extra day to yourself if you can afford it?