Bedtime screamathon - bring me some sanity please!

[ChairmanWow]

Since last Friday night my previously lovely 2.4 yo has been screaming the house down for an hour at bedtime. Prior to that, and since he was just a few weeks old, he was a dream to put to bed. Bath, cup of milk, couple of stories and that was it.

He has been in a bed for about 6 weeks, which he adjusted to really well. We've gated his door as we moved a few months ago and there's a load of decorating stuff knocking about. Last Friday and each night since he has stood at the gate screaming his lungs out. Initially I was going up because I was worried he was ill. I now realise it's behavioural. He has a little sis of 4 months and she is really starting to develop a personality. I wonder if he feels threatened.

Plan of action is:

1. Lots of positive reenforcement thoughout the evening. Cuddles, praise etc.

1. Keep things relaxed and low key leading up to bedtime.

1. Normal bedtime routine, but last night explained he can only have one story the following night if he screams.

1. Just before story explain that if he screams at his door we won't come to him and he'll lose his story the following night. Then story and cuddles.

1. Close baby gate and try to ignore the screams.

Some of you may regard CIO as harsh but we've used it to good effect in the past. I'm a firm believer in not reinforcing or rewarding negative behaviours.

So, has anyone got any other tips? He screamed from 6am this morning as well and it's driving us both to distraction. By some miracle DD is sleeping through the mayhem.

I hate what has happened to my lovely little boy.

Not sure I know what you mean by, "I now realise it's behavioural" ? Could you expand?

My now 3yo developed a fear of the dark/being alone almost overnight at about that age which we are still addressing - it's slowly improving. Is there no chance it could be something like that?

I too have a toddler that creates at bedtime. I find instant action is best. So, as soon as screaming or getting out of bed happens, I stop talking to him and put him back in bed and walk out. I wait outside his room for next occurrence and them repeat back in bed. No words.

Eventually he gets it. I think he does it because he knows it will get a rise out of me and delay being on his own.

He's worse if he's had an afternoon nap, so he's not sleepy enough. What are his naps like? Move them to earlier in the day or limit them to 45 mins.

It's exhausting. Fortunately it's not every night, but has become worse since all the hot weather.

You have my sympathies. My Ds is up now, so I'll soon be back to putting him down again.

Oh and a walk after dinner before bedtime routine also helps tire him out sufficiently as well.

I live by the mantra that toddlers are like puppies!

My dd was perhaps a little older but I used to say if she didn't scream and fuss then I'd go back in and kiss her in 2 mins, then I'd do it and say again if no fuss I'd go back and kiss her in 5. No chat just a kiss and straight out. Then I'd say 7 mins, 10 mins etc. usually by then she was asleep.

Mine has started doing that too! When we put him to bed now (well, in the last few days...) we say: "Look, it's time to go to bed, so scream if you like but we are not going to go up and fetch you". He was a bit disconcerted at first, gave it a half hearted try and gave up very quickly.
DS has decided to test boundaries BIG time at the moment. It's so bloody hard to keep cool....

Thanks so much for your replies.

Not fear of the dark as his room is still light-ish when he goes to bed. Not teething. No health issues. Brilliant during the day (though of course the odd tantrum - he is 2 after all!). So I think boundaries are being pushed - what I meant by behavioural. Badly worded. Sorry!

Naps - sleeps for 90 mins or so from 12-ish and is tired at bedtime. Sometimes v tired. Might actually increase his nap tomorrow and see if being a bit less tired helps.

dialm that's pretty much exactly what we've been saying. He's normally very responsive to stuff like that. Will see what happens and might try jojo's suggestion if it doesn't start to decrease.

I wouldn't punish for screaming by removing a story the following night. Consequences for a 2yr old should be immediate in order for him to make the connection.

And also, if you don't read him his bedtime story, then surely you're risking making bedtimes worse not better?

I agree that the following night is too late a consequence. He won't understand and will become upset the following night when his behaviour may have been perfect.

This is the age imagination really kicks in so please be really, really sure he's not scared before you leave him to scream. DS found losing the cot bars very difficult to adjust too, they give a huge feeling of security.

Personally I'd go distraction, with something like this and positive reinforcement along the lines of, if you stay in bed nice and quietly I'll put a sticker on your chart when I come to tuck you in, 5 stickers= treat. Or jojo's suggestion sounds good.

I couldn't leave my DS to scream for an hour without checking on him. If you go down the CIO route it may work or it may escalate to far worse behaviour than just screaming if he really wants/needs you. I would say with a new sibling on the scene he'll need a lot of reassurance you're there for him.

For the morning waking I'd heartily recommend a groclock. Brought DS from 5am to 6.15, which suits us fine.

Good luck, hope he settles.

How did it go last night?

Got a gro clock and it was working brilliantly. He woke at 5am this morning and didn't go back to sleep despite us abandoning any idea of CIO and bringing him into bed. I've just tried to put him down for his nap and he's screaming again. This is one of the hardest days I've ever had as a parent. I'm exhausted and at the end of my teather. I feel like walking out.

I realise CIO is controversial but I the absence of Amy evidence of night fears, medical stuff etc that's what we'll continue to try.

I wonder if he's too tired? My 3yo deteriorates very rapidly from feisty to unmanageable when he gets overtired. Once he's too far gone he kind of keeps himself awake - we don't know why - perhaps to keep the stories and cuddles coming or maybe just being plain difficult because he knows the person putting him to bed wants to go and do other things.

It's hard. Hope it gets better for you soon.

Thanks missed. I agree being overtired doesn't help and I've been making sure he gets a decent nap. We've had 2 quiet bedtimes. There was one night waking last night with wailing but he went back to sleep after 15 mins. Combo of CIO and lots of daytime reassurance, cuddles etc seem to be having an effect. Now if I could just get the 4 mo down to one night feed...