What do I do about 2.9 yr old's behaviour?

[TribbleWithoutACause]

His behaviour is vile at the moment. He is driving me up the wall and my paitence is at an all time low.

He's constantly hitting other children, screaming if something upsets him and just constantly whines. Taking him out is a nightmare. He just seems to loose it at the slightest thing.

Does anyone have any suggestions, any clues as to what is going on in his head or just send me gin?

If this was mine, it would be because he was tired or hungry (or constipated) - the weather means he's been tired an awful lot recently.

Does he need more snacks? his bedtime changed? Daytime naps? prunes?

Sorry, not particularly helpful :S

tiredness, hunger, heat. due a developmental leap? all.these things make my toddler a nightmate.

distraction is key. and a firm no and removal from the situation for hitting and trying to intercept before it hapoens.

What else is going on with him? Any changes in your/his life? Is this behaviour a recent thing?

I found with DS (5 now) he seemed to go through a phase every now and then of pushing boundaries and I had to come down hard about it.

Your DS seems to have a lot of anger. There are solutions such as giving him a pillow/cushion to hit. The whining is also a sign of him needing to express something. He is looking for something to make him feel better but he doesn't know what that is so he just keeps whining - that is the theory anyway!

DS seems a lot happier now as I have been giving him a lot of attention and establishing firm boundaries.

Have you tried any dietary modifications? How well does he eat?

We moved about a month ago, but we moved out of our in laws house and so we haven't seen them as much as we were doing.

So now he just has me most of the time, I must admit I do struggle with depression and this move has had an impact on me (I am getting treatment). But, I just suppose it never occurred to me that he would react as I have.

Apile seriously it was like a little lightbulb went on, thank you.

Thumb lately we've had to sort of convince him to eat, he will eat but I feel like it's a slight battle. His diet has changed as I don't eat a lot of meat and at the in laws it was mainly meat and two veg. I tend to cook a lot of veggie meals, he ate this before but his meal time dynamic has changed so I suppose that is him expressing that a little bit.

We also have a five month old that's come into the scene.

Well bugger, I'd be angry as well. How the hell do I fix this? He is such a sweet little thing, this anger isn't him at all.

www.peaceful-parent.com/

I've found some of the articles on this site really useful. It's kind of helped me mange my own emotions too, tbh. Basically, unmet needs result in anger and hurt in all of us. Hunger, tiredness, lack of attention, lack of affection, lack of security...

Trying to figure out what your little DS needs is quite hard as he is so small. He might be missing his old home and his grandparents. I would talk to him a lot about that, and reassure him he will see his GPs a lot and that everyone still loves each other and everybody misses one another - but the new house is good too because xyz or whatever.

Tell him it's ok to be angry and ok to be sad and do give him something to hit or whatever. Hold his hands back if he hits and remove him from the situation (we don't hit people). Ask him why he is angry/talk to him about it (so and so is having their turn with that toy now and you want it don't you, but you can't so you are angry and sad... poor DS, Mummy loves you. I'm sad for you and I wish you could have that toy too but you can't because it's so and so's turn). Give him lots of sympathy and if he cries that's great. If you can get him to have lots of big cries he will feel a lot better. Being there for him while he expresses his emotions will make him feel secure, even sitting near him while he has his tantrums. His emotions are probably overwhelming him at the moment.

You yourself are probably knackered with a house move and a 5 month old. When I'm stressed I don't respond well to whinging, it makes me more stressed and cross, leading to a cycle of more whinging because DS isn't getting the emotional support he needs I suppose. Parenting is hard work!

So - a new baby, change of house, loss of ILs on a daily basis, change of meals and your own mood issues - yes, I'm not surprised he's reacting. :(

I expect he WILL get over it soon enough but in the meantime you need to find a way through.
It's a lot of change for a little child to process though!
? How is he with the baby? Can he be more involved there? Are you making sure that you have time with him alone as well?
? How often do your ILs come around - is there any chance of him having the occasional "sleepover" at theirs?
? You're getting treatment for your own depression, so that's that bit
? Meals. Well, if he's a reluctant eater you might consider supplementing him, especially as you've gone primarily vegetarian. Iron supplementation is a good idea (but I'd not do this on its own, get a multi, and/or use Floradix for children) as low iron (but not necessarily to the level of anaemia) can adversely affect mood. In fact, I think I'd try this before worrying too much about the other things - low iron could be the problem (despite dark green leafy veg etc., which I'm sure you give him - non-haem iron is harder to absorb, and absorbed in lower quantities, than haem iron from meat). You could get his iron levels checked by the GP first if you want to; but so long as you use a multi rather than just an iron supplement, it won't hurt him to do that without checking first.

Hope that helps a bit!