how much do 18 month olds need to play with children their own age?

[CarolinaMoose]

ds and I go to various different groups during the week, but I've realised that we've dropped some of the more general socialising (e.g. NCT groups) in favour of structured things like music groups and swimming with one small, fairly calm toddler group a week.

Tbh I find this is pretty much enough sociable activity for me as there's plenty of chatting to other mums at these things, and I have been a bit crap about trying to do more playdates etc esp as a couple of mums we used to see have recently moved away from the area.

so, am I scuppering ds's chances of developing adequate social skills?

he is a v happy, energetic boy generally, not clingy and happy to play with whatever toys are available and will interact with other toddlers, but he tends to give up toys very easily if another child wants them and will just look baffled if a child snatches something from him.

Obviously this is better than being aggressive, but I wonder if he's leading too sheltered a life atm - he is my first and I am a SAHM.

What do you think?

I personally wouldnt worry. Your DS is still young and as far as I know (although I am only a first time mum - ds is 22 months!) kids dont start playing with each at maybe 2 or 3. DS isnt really doing it properly yet.

He sounds fine and he will be learning lots of useful social skills from what he is doing. The music and the swimming will deal with taking turns, respecting equipment, working as a group, saying hello and goodbye etc.

Playdates at this age should be because mum likes the other mum and wants a coffee and a chat while the children happily parallel play. I only met 2 people who fulfilled that criteria and so I only saw 2 people.

Learning to say hello to the lady in the supermarket and post office is much more important that being forced to "play" when you don't know the rules. IMO

carolina - sounds like your DS is doing fine as my 20 months DD sounds exactly like yours - its too early to be worrying about this.

they dont

i think your ds sounds very lovely and you should not worry. Enjoy!

Thanks very much for all your messages, that's very reassuring .

I suppose I began to wonder about it earlier this week - a girl who's a couple of months younger than ds snatched a toy from him and the girl's mum said "oh he gave that up easily didn't he?" and didn't say a word to her little girl, so I did start wondering if my view of what's appropriate behaviour for a toddler had become slightly skewed or if I was mollycoddling him, because the other mum presumably expected ds to snatch it back or lash out.

not that I want him to do that, obv.

sounds like the other child had the problem snatching! Her mum should have been dealing with her and getting her to give it back and say sorry, not commenting on your child’s submission to her!!
I think you can over schedule tiny tots, rushing them around doing all sorts every morning and afternoon. I think you have got a reasonable balance there - some varied activities with different children and grown ups but not all the time.
When they are 3yr+ they seem to need more occupying but you will know when as they start to ask you in a whiny voice "what are we doing now mummy?" and when can their friend come to play?!!
Enjoy the relatvie calm now :)

I think if you are happy with the things you've got going on and he is happy then that is fine!

Toddlers don't actually learn great social skills from other toddlers, as the snatching incidents proves, so don't think you are failing him - far from it :)

When my ds1 was little I had a next door neighbour with a baby a couple of months older. They did really play with each other when they were one, but probably because they saw each other for a couple of hours absolutely every day. My ds1 and 2 now play with each other, though ds2 is only 1.5 yo. Familiarity probably makes them interact more.

But all that aside, babies just need mummy and to have interesting things to look at - feeding the ducks is just as good as playgroup. Some people say group situations make them more aggressive, which seems logical, though a shame as my ds2 and 3 have to go to nursery (and home is a pretty raucous group anyway now

I think they don'tneed to socialise in any way we understand at this age and I'm sure he's doing absolutely brilliantly on the stuff you're doing! They don't learn sharing for a while, it'll be fine.

Other mother was making small talk I think!

Snatching or not is inbuilt. Ds1 (we 'socialised" every day) had everything snatched off him (still does- he's 7 now). DS2 was generally the same although we went out a lot less. DS3- we hardly go anywhere- is a nightmare snatcher- but he was born stroppy.