I had an ELCS just over a week ago (breech baby) and having problems bonding with baby. I had wanted a vaginal birth, did a hypnobirthing course but due to breech position that all went out the window. I thought I was happy enough with the birth but it's feeling weird now. One minute he was in me, then I was numbed and then he was out. It feels like it could have been any baby they gave me. I didn't get to hold him until recovery.
Was in hospital 4 days and tried breast feeding with lots of help from staff. But he wouldn't latch on. Tried at home with help from midwife but no success. He was drinking formula from a small cup but decided to go to bottles as the cup wasn't a long term solution. I gave up on breastfeeding because he got so distressed when we tried.
We have had lots of visitors which has been fine as I liked having people over. I have healed very quickly from the op. But last night a female family member gave baby his bottle and did his burping etc and it struck me that I'm not even needed anymore. There's nothing that only mummy can do. Nothing special we can do together which is just ours.
I look at him and he doesn't feel like mine. He looks like my husband, nothing like me. I know his looks will change but I feel like I'm looking down at a nephew or a friend's baby.
I miss my baby bump. For 9 months it was me giving him everything he needed and now he's left and everyone else can look after him. My emotions are awful right now. Some days I'm ok but recently all I do is cry.
I've had depression and anxiety in the past, I really hope this isn't postnatal depression as I don't want to go on meds. Tried loads and don't like the way I feel on them. Had multiple counsellors but I don't feel able to open up to them fully. DH is the only one I trust and he does help loads. I just hate being a burden on him.