12 week old won't fall asleep/nap without help

[11cas]

Hi,

I'm new to the site, and would love some advice. I have a 12 week old who just won't nod off by himself. He usually get restless an hour or so after a feed and I can tell he wants to have a nap, but he just won't fall asleep without either being rocked, having womb music played to him, the extractor fan, going for a walk etc.

Has anyone got any advice, will this get easier as he gets older and develops? I just can't see him ever just falling asleep!

I've found the last 12 weeks really difficult as he hasn't been the most content baby. I think things are improving but he simply wont fall asleep in the day unaided.

Any advice or experience anyone has had will be much appreciated. Thanks :-)

DS is 11 months now, and was exactly the same at that age. My friends babies all seemed to just nod off in their arms or in their bouncy seat, but I used to walk for miles with him in the buggy, or rock him to sleep with the white noise app playing, or go for a drive. He was better at night, but day times were hard work & some days it seemed like he did nothing but cry, and when he wasn't crying he was asleep on me, so I couldn't get anything done.

I can't speak for all babies, but what I did was to keep rocking/walking him to sleep, but to work on putting him down just as his eyes started to go, before he was fully asleep. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, but I kept trying. I also tried very hard to watch him for sleepy cues (yawning/grizzling/eye rubbing etc), and put him down before he got over tired - at that age it was usually only about 90 mins after waking. He also went for naps upstairs in his crib (against SIDS advice I know, but he was so sensitive to noise he would never sleep downstairs). And at around 4.5 months it just suddenly clicked, and I started being able to give him a quick cuddle & put him down sleepy but awake. From their, his naps started to get longer & more regular too. He's now 11 months and a good sleeper, and all I do at nap time is draw his curtains and put him in his sleeping bag, and he usually goes straight to sleep.

It feels like forever when you're in that stage, but it will pass, I promise. A good stretchy sling is an investment as well - DS would always nod off in the sling if all else failed, and it allowed me to get things done.

Oh, and we kept the white noise going until he was about 7 months. You can get a great iPhone app, and it really helped him to settle.

As, congratulations on your baby!

12 weeks is v little yet.

Can you get a good sling and let him nap in that? Connecta's are good.

Hi both, thanks for the advice. I think I may have that iPhone app... I think it definitely helps at night.

We've got a carrier and I used to use it around the house in the very early days when he didn't seem to stop crying but to be honest I hadn't thought about using it to get him to sleep. I'll give that a go.

I'll be honest, when I've got him to sleep, it's usually in his bouncy chair and I tend to leave him in it because I know as soon as I try and put him in his cot he'll just cry. I think because we've had a lot of crying in the past (it has seemed to have reduced since he reached 12weeks) I try to go for the easy options to avoid going back to the constant crying.

I'll keep working on it and I'll work on putting him down for naps half asleep in his cot.

I guess I just wanted to hear that it does get better :-) the last 12 weeks seem to have been the longest and hardest 12 weeks ever.

Thanks for the advice :-)

So normal for babies to not be able to self settle, especially newborns. Some grow out of it faster than others. My 15 month old still needs me to lie by gis cit and hold his hand. Babies need to feel safe and secure to go to sleep, they don't know it is 2013 and there are no tigers to eat them! That is why they often like to sleep on a person when tiny. It does get better. Going for a walk is a great plan. I do it every day after lunch. When hefalls asleep i get back in, park buggy in hallway and enjoy a peaceful cuppa. A drive is a good plan, take abook with you and go to drive through for a coffee.

Yes, yes to easy options! The less crying the better, it's so stressful.

There are no rods for backs .

The first 12 weeks with a first baby is the longest hardest 12 weeks ever, you are right. It will get easier and it will not be like this forever. I will not lie to you, your baby may to sleep through the night consistently for many months, nor settle to sleep alone for years a while, but they all do grow out of it, and there's a big difference between hours of rocking and carrying, and holding a 3 year old's hand for 5 mins (in our case it's that or a whole evening of up and down the stairs!). Even those who settle well as babies, often turn into toddlers who come through in the night for a cuddle once they can climb out of their cot/bed. Little ones are very good at getting what they need .

It is draining, it is tiring, it can be frustrating and all you want is a few minutes peace. I repeat,it will get better and you are doing such a rest job for him.

Have you read "what mothers do" by Naomi Stadlen?

Rest = great. Bloody autocorrect!

DS is 7m and we're still going with the white noise - got the app on the iPad so haven't seen my iPad for 7m
I think we could probably wean him off it for nights now but certainly not for naps yet. I work on the idea that if that's what he needs right now then go with it.

Thanks again for the advice.

I've not read that book - I'll look it up. Did you find it helpful?

We really struggle to make him take his full bottles and I was wondering whether this could be part of he reason he struggles to go to sleep. I can tell when he is getting sleepy but I'm finding it more and more difficult to help him sleep in the house-it really isn't a simple rock and white music etc. it turns into a painful experience but eventually he gives in. I hate not being able to just give him a nice cuddle or rock these things just don't seem to work.

We're finding the early hours of the morning a real struggle too, we'll feed him at about 1-2am and then from about 4am he'll wake every hour or so and there seems to be no pleasing him - not even sleeping on us. His early hours antics also throws his feeds out, cos we end up feeding him bits of milk...

It all seems really tough at the m

Opps, sorry posted it too early !

...moment and I'm sure things will get easier (I'm constantly asking everyone for this reassurance!). I keep searching for that perfect solution but maybe it is just time and persistence. It's just so sad that we seem to be just managing each day (going out cos I know he'll sleep on the go, dreading an hr or so after he's had a feed cos I know the whole grumpy cycle starts again, using parents to help etc) rather than enjoying the early weeks if his life.

Thanks again for the advice and for reading

Probably not what you want to hear but my eldest son never self-settled when he was a baby - he always needed rocked/nursed to sleep.

However, it's not the end of the world, it was hard work when he got heavier and needed rocking to sleep (but good exercise for us!), when it was just milk feeds to sleep that was easy enough, and during the day he'd fall asleep in the pram so I'd either push the pram indoors (with some quiet music on as 'background') or take him for a walk.

We did this until he was a toddler and he would then fall asleep in bed by himself after story time. We did nothing magical for this to happen, just the same routine night after night and eventually (when he was about 18 months) he'd sleep after stories (we would sit with him until he fell asleep and some nights it was an hour other nights longer...)

During the day when he was a toddler and got tired we'd either push him in buggy or he would fall asleep on sofa watching telly (particularly if I put on Hercules Poirot for some reason - think he liked the french accent).

Anyway, I know it's hard but I just wanted to let you know that needing help as a baby to sleep doesn't mean he'll need help as a toddler, that my son got there in his own time, and that it does get easier, I found that once he started moving, sleep came much much easier to him (e.g. about 8 months) Can you hand on that long?? :-)

Ah thanks, I had been hoping that things might improve when he gets a bit more mobile. But at the moment that feels like a long way off!

We'll keep at it and hopefully things will get easier, and if they don't I now have a few more things to try. Thanks for all your advice

Have you considered a dummy? Babies do find sucking very soothing, and breastfed babies often suck themselves to sleep, so for bottlefed babies a dummy can be an alternative.

The Naomi Stadlen book is the only parenting book I ever found reassuring .

What you are describing is the classic young baby quandry. You want so desperately to ebjoy it, but it is so bloody hard. there are fleeting moments of bliss when they sleep, or when they grin a toothless grin at you. a lot of it, however, is fairly relentless. The quandry is that before you know it you find yourself looking back and wondering where the time wen, and missing those joyful special bits you'll never have again. It's why grannies in the street tell you to treasure it because it goes so fast. the thing is, knowing that, and trying to treasure the good bits doesn't alter the relentless and hard nature of the rest of it...

We do try and use a dummy and sometimes he does take it well but other times he just keeps popping it out - we've tried a few different types. He's a real fighter with his sleep and I dread each nap time. At the moment he needs a nap about an hr to an hour and a half after each feed, will he need less naps the older he gets?