seeking advice on toddler discipline:

[lunarx]

ds is nearly 2 and until now, he has listened fairly well to 'no' etc. but i can see the defiance starting and the intentional doing things (like drawing on the fridge when i've asked him to drawer on the paper), etc.

what i am hoping to pick you mumnetters minds about is the different forms of discipline for this age...

naughty corner (or naughty step)
how long can it take them to 'catch on' to this?

time-out (where though? what room?) i was warned using the bedroom as a time-out place was not a good idea.??

so yet another time when i'm feeling clueless as a parent. but me and dh need to come up with something and agree on it before this carries on!!

thanks in advance:)

firstly, choose your battles. If you constantly "get at him" for every little thing, it won't have much effect!

My DS is told a firm NO which is usually ignored so as a last resort i use naughy corner, he stands there, head bowed, without coming out but I think that is because he has seen DD (6) do it and copies her.

I wouldn't use his bedroom as a time out room, if you decide to go down that route. I'd use our dinign room as it is boring for him. I think the rule is 1 minute for each year of their life?

HTH

naughty corner / step / time out are all the same thing .. it just depends what you want to call it

I use the bottom stair because invariably wherever we are there tend to be stairs to plonk them down on

it is the act of ignoring them that does it I think

DD took about 3 times to stay on the step until allowed to leave (she's 2.1 now .. tbh have only used it about 3 times with her)

try not to look at it as defiance (because that will really drive you mad) look at it as a developmental stage .. they are testing boundaries and using their imagination

I don't use a naughty step or similar - I distract DS1. But he's a naturally "good" child - and easily distracted. He also doesn't have massive tantrums. I'm not much help, am I?!

The bedroom is fine for time out - ds goes in his cot when he's really going into one as it is (currently) the only place he is completely safe and can't hurt himself when he's really thrashing about. He hates being taken into a different room from everyone else so I think any room would work but you'd have to be careful to go for one without much stuff in as ds would wreck it in our case - hence why we use the cot. We tried the naughty step for a while but he just learnt that if he said sorry he could get off and he didn't seem to be thinking about what he'd just done! We have started doing a lot more positive stuff (stickers, sweets etc) for good behaviour as well as it was getting to the stage where we were disciplining him more than we were praising him. The advice about picking your battles is definitely good as ignoring minor things works better sometimes as otherwise they learn to get your attention by doing something annoying......end of essay!

I'm with hunker. At this age, distraction, distraction, distraction. And dd was a "defiant" child as a young age with stereophonic howling. Also agree about picking battles. Lunarx, your ds' sense of identity is beginning to develop - defiance and deliberate naughtiness along with testing limits is very normal . Be consistent and firm on the things that matter (eg aggression, safety) but I would tend to cut some slack - eg distraction, offering a compromise) - for those that don't, even if toddler was being defiant.

Hi tend to agree with blueshoes about distraction if crayon is the problem then try puzzles etc. Crayoning on the fridge gets your attention so give it in a different way. A new activity brings new attention time from the child and lots of praise from mummy for playing so nicely with it. Praise always works better for me than negatives (easier said than done when stressed I know).

Don't really agree with step, room etc except for perhaps aggressive or violent behaviour. I find removal of the toy for a period of time works and definately always being consistent with NO. it always means no but I do choose how often I use it.

I don't think dd3 (22 months) would "get" the naughty step idea tbh. With us it tends to be "NO" in Mummy's cross voice plus removal of the offending item, followed by some shouting and stamping from dd3 then a "solly mummy" and a cuddle - I'm such a softy

def pick your battles...i let alot go...and got into a 'prevention better than cure' mode ...so no tempting piles of important post to file in the loo..whatever....and lots of distraction....redivert his energies if you can.

cant give advice on naugthy step stuff cos i am far far far too inconsistent for that sort of approach!

The title made me laugh, Toddler discipline HA!

I ignore lots, distract as much as possible, try and involve ds2 in whatever I'm doing as my helper.

I only use the naughty corner if he's getting physical. I warn him once to stop and tell him if he does it again he'll go in the naughty corner. After a couple of visits there I only have to warn him now