Do I really want 3?

[doireallywant3]

I have 2 fab kids, wonderful dd4, ds2, DH wants another at some point in the next 2 years. I'm not so sure - it's a struggle having 2, we both have demanding full time jobs and no family around to help, we will get an au pair soon though. Physically no reason not to. Marriage-wise, we can cope. Financially, we could make it work at a stretch. Is it worth it? I could be happy as we are but I would alway have In the back of my mind that we could/should have had another. I can live with that though. We are both one of 3 kids and love that dynamic. But I am so tired of the baby stuff... Just reached the other side after 4 years of tough times with sleep etc. I am very lucky to have choice, I know that but do I really want 3?

nearly killed me.

I love having 3. Had exactly the same worries as you about going back to the baby thing BUT they are out of it so much quicker than the first and even the second, firstly because you're much more relaxed third time around so you cut them a bit more slack and secondly cause they're so anxious to do what the others are that they make themselves more able. My youngest is 18 months but more like 2.5 in a lot of ways. Only you can make the decision that is best for you as a family but I haven't found 3 much more work at all. DH would disagree mind.

hmmm thanks both... i'll keep on thinking about it and not write it off

I have 3 but a slightly different dynamic in that Nos 1&2 are twins. Number 3 was 4 years later (mine are now 8, 8 and 4). Honestly? In the early days, I actually enjoyed going back to the baby days. Sleep was an issue but I was just thrilled to have 3. Now they're a bit older, I find its massively harder than 2, the sheer logistics of spending quality time with all 3, ferrying about, doing homework, reading, sports spectating etc with 3 is chaos! Means we have to be ultra-organised. I work PT so its manageable (just), I think as you've said, with 2 x FT parents, it would be extremely hard without help (whether that be family / friends / au pair / cleaner etc). Financially its meant the "skint due to young children" years are prolonged, and even now when No. 3 is about to start school, 3 x after school (even though its only for a couple of days/ week) 3 x school lunches, 3 x gifts for the 100s of parties they're invited to, more expensive holidays as you can't fit 5 in most standard hotel rooms, slightly bigger car etc it all adds up. We'd have been much better off financially sticking to 2.

BUT, I just didn't feel done and I would have regretted not going for a 3rd. I really did long for another baby and much as my head said No (as did my H's), my heart said yes. She has brought so many things to the family, hearing her giggle with the other 2 is magic. They've gained from having her around and although there are days when I think she has wrecked the family rather than completed it , I'm so glad we have her.

Nah, 2 is fine. My DH (1 of 4) thought he wanted another one but our DC were lousy sleepers and I wasn't keen, so we didn't, and he has subsequently professed his gratitude (on numerous occasions) that we stopped when we did!

I'm finding 3 (7, 5 and 2) really hard going and echo what Mandy21 said above about all the extra work/cost. Obviously I love DS3 to bits, but had I known 3 years ago (when my womb was screaming at me to have another) what I know now, I think I might have cut my losses! And my heart was really in it, you sound unsure that yours is, so I'd say quit whilst you're ahead. It's hard work.

I also think it depends on the two you already have. All 3 of mine sleep brilliantly and always have. My eldest, who is 6, is happy go lucky and never complains. Middle one is almost 4 and whilst she can be hard work she is happy if she is kept amused, and youngest, who is 18 months is happy to plod along, he just likes to have company and to investigate everything he shouldn't!

It's hard work, but it is so worth it. I love the dynamic of three. Head said absolute 'no' to a third, but head said an absolute 'yes'. Glad heart won.

If I worked full-time I'd be wanting more help than we get (which is currently none).

I keep thinking this even though dc2 is only 4 months. Part of me thinks I could happily stay as we are wouldn't have to move house, I can get back on track with my carreer etc. Though there is always this little niggle will I/we regret it. I suppose it is still very early to think of a third but I can't seem to budge it. Sorry I'm no help what so ever!

I absolutely love having 3. I feel complete. It's manic at times, but wonderful too. The hard work is worth it.

Sorry, mean to say 'heart' said an absolute 'yes'!

How committed are you to your career? I reckon it can be a bit dangerous to compare your family dynamic to the one you grew up in is that women in particular are in a completely different boat these days, for better or for worse!

The reason I wouldn't have three is that I really love my job and wonder how much time I'd have for my children alongside it, and how much strain it would put on that over a very long period of time.