New(ish) parent suddenly feeling very low & alone

[Babygreys]

Am a regular but have NC because I am really ashamed of feeling like this. Sorry for the word vomit and waffling, just trying to make sense.

I'm 23 and DD is 14 weeks old. I was at uni training to be a Mental Health Nurse when I fell pregnant with her, so took 10 months off and am due to return in October.

I'm naturally quite an anxious person due to a very toxic upbringing, therefore I never really enjoyed being pregnant as I always feared MC, I also suffered with SPD. So when DD was born via a very traumatic EMCS I was just relieved the whole pregnancy ordeal was over, happy to get out of hospital 5 days later etc. I kept waiting for the baby blues but they never happened! BF came naturally, DD & I muddled along as DP is SE so no paternity leave. I remember looking at her all the time and thinking how she was the greatest thing in the entire universe.

For the last few weeks I've been so utterly miserable. DD just won't sleep for longer than a couple of hours anymore and I can't cope. My limbs ache when I try to walk or pick her up. I feel so isolated. My friends try and feign interest in seeing me, but then either leave me waiting for hours in the boiling hot sun because they're too hungover or got distracted sorting out their holidays. Yesterday my best friend made it so obvious it was a chore to see me, I told her not to worry about it.

DD has just discovered her limbs and spends all day kicking, grabbing and pulling me. She squirms and shouts when I pick her up & cries when I put her down. I don't know what she wants anymore. I'm ashamed to say I put her in her cot earlier and just walked away and cried. For the first time in her life I felt resentment looking at her, not love. But I do love her and then the guilt comes because I know how lucky I am to have her. I dread leaving her when I have to go back to uni and worry about this all the time too.

I don't know what to do.

I'm so sorry things are so tough for you at the moment babygreys

I think people who don't have kids just don't get it. I found it really hard to see my friends who don't have kids until DD was about six months old, then they started to be a bit more interested in her and I could think of something else to say that wasn't just about when she last fed or pooed!

Lots of your feelings sound really normal to me, it is tough but it gets much easier . This What Mothers Do book helped me immeasurably with my feelings about being a mother.

Practically, have you got a sling? That was a lifesaver for me for first 6 months.

Btw I don't think there is anything wrong with putting your baby in their cot and having a cry if you feel overwhelmed! It sounds like you are amazing with her.

I'm 35 with my first very wanted baby and I feel the same most of the time. I think you have to accept that you will go through rough spots like this and you will get through them. I would really recommend going to a local mum and kids group and being around people in the same position. Just being able to talk things out helps me, I have gotten lots of useful tips from other mums and realised that while some peoples kids sleep loads, some are worse off than me. Sleep deprivation is another issue. Its easy to get depressed and overwhelmed when you are exhausted, can anybody mind your little one for a couple of hours to let you get sleep? My baby is at the same stage of kicking and pulling and not wanting to be put down but I tell myself that this stage will pass soon too and in a while a new set of things will be baffling me...i had a sleep deprived meltdown at the weekend and am lonely a lot, but I have made a couple of new friends and am looking forward to any chance to get out of the house. I an going to a coffee morning tomorrow!

baby I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Have you spoken to your dp about how you're feeling? Or your GP?

I found the bet way to enjoy may leave was to keep busy, i made a schedule of activities and tried t do at least one activity a day (rhyme time at the library, soft play, baby classes, massage).

I hope you start feeling better....keep talking to us here.

Poor you - never feel bad about putting baby in the cot if you need a little time to yourself. Having a baby is tough in the society we Live in - where women are often left alone, sleep deprived, to do the care without proper community and support.

You need a plan of action -firstly sleep - can you try to go to bed really early and your partner deal with all wakinga before midnight? I wish I had introduced a dream feed bottle earlier - I bf for 8 months exclusively it nearly killed me with tiredness

Secondly - I get the friends thing, I promise you are probably over thinking their thoughtlessness because you are tired / - they don't get it and are in a different place - it's not that they don't care.

You need to meet people who are going through what you are - do the nct do a coffee morning near you? If you are bf is there a drop in group? Baby sensory at this age is a nice way to meet people - remember however people look, they are all feeling similar

It really does get easier - this feeling goes in waves - try to reach out and build local relationships with other mums ....

Does your partner know how you feel? Could he take a day off so you can sleep?

Also - do you have a good sling? So so vital - I used a cloth wrap and you could find out if there is a sling meet near you ... Then when she wants to e carried you just put her in sling and go for a walk