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Parenting

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Original poster

terrified my DD will get caught shoplifting

16 replies

mrspicklepants · 23/07/2013 08:56

I know this sounds terrible and believe me no one is more horrified than me but my DD is shoplifting on a regular basis it seams and I'm terrified she will get caught! I've suspected for a long time as I find new things, clothes and jewellery in her bedroom, things she couldn't possibly afford to buy. Of course she denies stealing and makes excuses from it belongs to a friend of hers or it was on sale..... I know there is more to it. I feel so ashamed of her behaviour we brought her up to know right from wrong, and also good friends of mine are police officers and if she gets caught it will be even more embarrassing for us, and what if they already know? I know it sounds ridiculous but I keep worrying they have already been alerted to the fact my daughter is a thief and just waiting for chance to catch her red handed as it were! What can I do? Please don't tell me to shop her myself as that wont be happening I need her to see the error of her ways before its too late though....

OP posts:

chickensaladagain · 23/07/2013 08:58

What does she want to do with her life?

Does she know what impact a criminal record will have?

ItsQuiteHardtocomeupwithaname · 23/07/2013 09:00

Well, maybe she needs to get caught to stop her stealing more.

phantomhairpuller · 23/07/2013 09:01

Getting caught might be the best thing to happen to her. Learning from own mistakes and all that.

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burberryqueen · 23/07/2013 09:06

my son was such a 'derp' he got caught first time (bottle of vodka with the security tag still on and hasn't done it again since
and that was over 2 years ago...
that was a bad time....
the police station experience really scared him, actually they did him a favour
no criminal record btw, but if it happened again there would be.
so perhaps it would be good for her to be caught?

Donki · 23/07/2013 09:06

My Step MiL took daughter and goods back to the shop and made her apologise. Fortunately the shop were willing to let it go at that so SSiL doesn't have a record. And it worked. Stroppy teenager (at the time - now respectable adult) never did it again.

I'm not recommending this. But it is A possible course of action.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 23/07/2013 09:15

Perhaps she needs to get caught in order to get the shock and wake up call that she so desperately needs. To see the error of her ways she may need a painful shock and to face some consequences for her actions!

Protecting someone from the consequences of their actions is not always the best thing to do. Sometimes you have to do the more painful thing because it's the right thing and the more helpful thing to them in the long term.

An alternative to involving the police might be to remove everything that she can't produce a receipt for and contact the parents of any friend she claims something belongs to, to check with them. anything that she cannot prove where it came from - charity shop.

However, this will probably mean that she will end up hiding stuff.

Who do you want your daughter to grow up to be, that's the question.

burberryqueen · 23/07/2013 09:20

also no offence OP but i get the impression from your post that you are more worried about losing face with your friends than anything else.
just let her get caught....will be a good thing.

happystory · 23/07/2013 09:25

She will probably get a warning the first time but it will most likely be enough to scare her off. My ds was caught aged 14. Got a ticking off....but 7 years later when he needed a CRB he was petrified it would show up on that. Luckily it didn't but others are right, it can haunt you...

balia · 23/07/2013 09:29

Take the stuff off her, ground her, don't let her go shopping by herself? There are other things you can do between nothing (apart from worry) and having her arrested!

How old is she? Does she have a job/allowance so she could buy some of the things she is stealing?

YoniMitchell · 23/07/2013 09:36

Tbh (going to be blunt), I think she deserves to be caught. What she's doing is illegal and she knows this (or she wouldn't be making up cover stories). How old is she? Hopefully old enough to be taught a lesson any rumbling by the authorities would bring.

PumpkinPie2013 · 23/07/2013 10:13

I agree that getting caught might give her the wake up call she needs! You don't say how old she is but I'm assuming she is in her teens?

She's fully aware that what she is doing is wrong but the longer she gets away with it the worse it will be.

I agree that it will come back to haunt her in later years if it doesn't stop - whatvis she like at school? What does she want to do?

Do you have a partner? What do they think?

I think I may be tempted to phone the parents of any friends she says she has 'borrowed' something from and enquire whether the items belong to them so they can be returned. Also no more shopping trips alone and either charity shop or take her with the items back to the relevant store to be returned.

Sounds harsh but for her own sake you need to come down hard on her!

Good luck

Jinty64 · 23/07/2013 11:29

How old is she? Does she steal the items because she wants them and can't afford to buy them or is this a cry for help! You need to sit down and talk to her. You need to find out if their is a real problem behind her stealing. Perhaps you could confide in your "police officer" friends and get them to speak to her.

You can't just let it continue.

fackinell · 23/07/2013 12:05

I'd look out a very clear photo of her and tell her that you're planning to take it all round the stores in town to show security and make sure she isn't left unattended whilst walking around. Then make it clear you give her one week to change her ways and provide coping strategies to avoid the peer pressure she will face.

Please don't turn a blind eye. This can lead to so many problems and associations with bad sorts. It's your duty as a mother to protect her from herself too.

MortifiedAdams · 23/07/2013 12:08

How old is she?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/07/2013 12:40

If you contact your local police station, they may send round an officer to have a stern chat with your dd - basically, put the fear of god into her.

My ds1 shoplifted - once. He was caught the very first time he did it, and it really taught him a lesson.

matana · 23/07/2013 16:45

Firstly op, don't panic. It's far from ideal, but it's also far from uncommon. I had a group of friends when I was at school - mostly good kids from good homes - who also did this. Most of them grew up to be
Perfectly normal members of society. It was enough for a friend of mine to be discovered by her parents. Kids don't tend to get a criminal record in these cases where it's a first offence etc and police officers use great deal of discretion and judgement when dealing with them as its generally not in the child's best interests to take it further. I agree that it might not be a bad thing for her to get caught.

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