What makes you feel like a good/bad mother?

[icepole]

I feel like a bad mum a lot of the time. Things that make me feel crappy are:

Too much TV
Not enough patience, shout at them too quickly
Not focussing enough on them/having the time to be with them
When I don't cook properly for them
That I don't like going to the park with them (I do take them but it is like a torture to me and this makes me feel rubbish)

Times I feel good:

Usually when I am just being daft with them, silly voices/dancing/tickling them etc
Reading to them
When I cook something good that they actually eat

umm that is about it!

Do other people feel like they are a good mum? Is it just me who spends a lot of their day feeling like I am kind of crap at this.

I feel like a bad mum most of the time

they dont eat great food
they drink squash all the time
we go to macdonalds
they go to bed late in the holidays
they have a video before bed on non school nights
they dont have an enclosure on the trampoline
we have a 3 second rule for dropped food, 5 if it really yummy
we eat too much chocolate and ice cream
I shout
they whine

but we also laugh, tickle, play stupid
snuggle in bed together
make lego things and read books together
eat together
ride bikes together
walk the dog together
and they know they are loved
and they are smiling again so I'm good with it

:)

That is a nice post.

Today I gave my kids ice cream before their tea. Rubbish.

I do think my kids know they are loved. I tell them all the time anyway.

I'm quite a laid back parent and often feel bad that i'm not more hands on especially when the toddler falls while i'm sitting chatting having a cuppa but a friend who is very hands on does everything by the book and monitors her toddler constantly (bit helicopter for my liking) suddenly told me she wishes she could be a more relaxed and confident mum like me so now when i feel like i should be doing it all by the book i just remember what she said.

It's funny to think we were looking at each other thinking the other is doing better

So true! I always think if only you really knew!

See, ice cream before tea makes you a hero to your kids

I'm crap at imaginary play and visibly struggle to care/join in, that makes me feel crap. Too much time on my phone while they want my attention - the less I do this, the happier I feel, but it's boring being a SAHM sometimes and I like the virtual adult company of MN.

BUT we do play lots of games, read lots of books, talk all the time, I make them laugh by being silly. We go out and do stuff, have friends over etc. We all give each other lots of love.

When I look in on them sleeping, all clean and warm and cuddled up in their beds with their soft toys, I feel like I'm doing a good job. They're pretty happy kids :)

feeling particularly bad at the moment. I don't deal well with muggy heat and if i'm in the playroom with them all 3 kids want to climb all over me and I hate it! so i'm hiding else where on MN cleaning and leaving them to play by themselves a lot at the moment

I find I have days where everything works and I feel quite good about it all and then others when I really really just want to sit down and not do anything...which in turn makes the kids grouchy and bored and then I get annoyed with them....so its my own fault so I feel even worse!!

but I really love cooking/baking time with my DS (3yo) and when he's out at pre-school I love the quiet time building towers and singing with my DTs (1yo)

they are all so happy and smiley when I get them up in the morning and so snuggly and cuddly last thing at night so we always start and end in a good place!

OP - 25 years ago, I could have written your post.
The intervening years have let me into a little secret: given that the whole mothering package is wrapped up in love (good bit, bad bits et al) ..... your children will grow up to tell you they had great childhoods! Because its about the whole package!
They will forget that you had to yell before they picked their toys up ......but will remember the ice-cream before tea as a highlight, by a mum who understood that the weather was cripplingly hot ...and sometimes you have to go with the flow.
They will say "my mum hated parks" ...but remember that you spent hours with them in the garden/library/wherever
The list is endless ....
but the end result is that one day, you get an email from one of your DCs, that tells you how much they respect you for the brilliant job you did...because they have DCs of their own, and ...guess what .........they wonder if they have it in them to be as good as you were.

A health visitor once told me that, if you are worrying about getting it wrong, then you are very likely to be getting it right
And getting it right 'more often than not' is the best any of us can manage!!

lovely post ipsissima will save that to remind myself on the bad days!

That is a great quote from your health visitor! Reassuring.

Exasperated - I hear you on the imaginary play. I can do it but only handle it for about ten minutes. I too spend too much time on line. And like you it is adult company and interaction I am craving. Then I feel crappy for ignoring them. And I can not wait for my youngest to start pre school for a couple of hours. That will be heaven!

Shit: being hungover/tired. Messy/dirty flat, not persevering with potty use enough. The afternoons she's in nursery.

Good: cooking good healthy meals from scratch, having lots of clean clothes for dc, giving dd a bath & hair wash, going to the park/aquarium/beach/walks just any nice day trips out really.

Ipsissima that really brought a tear to my eye! I never feel like I'm giving DS everything
I think he has potential to be very clever, if only I got off MN and read him another book it's me being responsible for any wasted potential that worries me.

NB he is very clever, but you know what I mean!

What I think makes me a good mother though is that I'm fair and consistent and I don't care how messy DS gets as long as he's having fun!

Exasperatedsigh- I really agreed with your post, that sounds like me.

I'm really enjoying this thread!

Hmmm...I didn't feel like a great mother at 1am when I just wanted to shout at dd to go the f**k to sleep (I didn't). Neither did I feel great this morning when dd wanted to be picked up and I had to put her down to get ready for work.
But the feeling passes, especially when I see the pictures of dd on the nursery noticeboard giggling and covered in paint/glitter/jelly/flour etc.

I've a huge amount of respect for SAHMs, I know I couldn't do it.

Shit - not enough patience, expect too much from dd, don't do arts/read stories often, rarely cook 'good' food.

No bad - tell the brats I love them daily, squish them, allow them free reign most of the time take them out for trips at random - nowhere exciting, park/cafe usually. Always have plenty of clean clothes, they look decent and respectable, dd has amazing manners and is really friendly which I hope is from df and I

I could do a lot more but just can't be arsed I'm hoping once dd2 arrives I pick up the slack - df can't do everything I suppose

Crap- Rushing ds to get ready when he wants to play
Feeding him junk food
Too many sweets!
Going to work and leaving him

Good- singing lullabys at bed time
reading books
kisses and cuddles
weekend family time