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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I right to be annoyed.

12 replies

Karen4007 · 21/07/2013 23:13

I am the first to admit that my 2.5 year old daughter can be a bit if a bully. She has been through a hitting stage and touch wood has come out the other side. But the other day she was hit by a little boy that she has been good friends with. She has hit him in the past but not for months. Rather than tell the boy off, his mother turned to my 2 year old and says "I hate to say it, but you have created a monster" I did not say anything at the time, but am I right to be annoyed?

OP posts:

HoneyDragon · 21/07/2013 23:23

So your dd went through a fairly normal phase of hitting that you have done your best to abate and has now stopped?

Then the other woman's child hit yours, who did not retaliate and she called your child a monster.

If that's the case, she is in the wrong.

Btw, have reported your thread to get it moved to parenting

HoneyDragon · 21/07/2013 23:24

Oh hang on, she blamed your child for him hitting her? As she taught her son to hit?

Still not on, how will her son learn its wrong?

Fifi2406 · 21/07/2013 23:26

My son gets hit all the time by my friends daughter both 22 months and he never ever reacts back just acts surprised sometimes she will force him to the ground and try to sleep on him an shes a chubby little bubba admittedly he's a bit of a wimp he crys and gets a bit hysterical about it...I'm sure one day once he's had enough he is going to punch her and I will tell him off but inside I will be thinking it serves her right he's just getting his own back so she probably feels the same if her child was constantly getting hit by yours

Also I think my friend would probably think nothing of it and think its him just getting his own back on her and serves her right

Fifi2406 · 21/07/2013 23:31

Also if the mum didn't say anything which i think she should have even if she did think its pay back you should have just said at the time to the little boy that its naughty to hit the same as you would have done when your daughter went through the hitting stage

Original poster

Karen4007 · 22/07/2013 08:10

Thanks for reporting thread honeydragon. I started it after being on a pet thread and now I can't move it!

I can understand her thought process. I was also quite relieved when he started hitting dd back, even though she slapped him open handed and he hits her with cars and stuff and makes her bleed and bruise. But to vocalise your inner thoughts to the child in question is not acceptable. If she had said to to me, I might have chuckled if it were not for the fact she does not tell him off.

He has a habit of running off and when my daughter goes with him, I tell her off, not blame him. He does not get told off for running away either, which I think is actually worse than hitting as it has the potential to be very dangerous.

My friend was hit with belts and stuff as a child, so she does not believe in discipline. I understand no smacking, but discipline is essential is it not? The naughty step or similar?

OP posts:

MNHQ

JulieMumsnet · 22/07/2013 11:11

Hi,

We're just going to trundle this over to parenting.

MNHQ

HoneyDragon · 22/07/2013 11:29

I think she is entirely in the wrong.

You did not teach your child to hit but you have taught her it is wrong and not to do it.

No preschooler, toddler or baby is a bully. And to blame an innocent child for your own child's behaviour rather than address it is horrible.

Discipline isn't about hitting, its about setting boundaries, which she is failing to do.

I think what I am trying to say, but nicely,is your friend is being a passive aggressive cowbag

Fifi2406 · 22/07/2013 11:35

She probably didn't mean you've created a monster in a malicious way to your daughter maybe that's just something she would have said to her own child if the situation had been the other way round?
Agree she should have told him off though either way!

Original poster

Karen4007 · 22/07/2013 18:43

Tbh, this is the icing on the cake. She is always telling my daughter off. If we are not in the room and her son starts crying, she goes in, grabs my daughter and says "what did you do?" even if my daughter is sporting a scratch down her face.

She is forever telling people in front of my daughter that she is used to dd being the instigator and now just presumes! The other day she did apologise to dd, but only after her son finally told her that he did scratch dd before she pushed him over. I think I will just give her a wide birth. Dd will get a complex otherwise and I think verbal abuse and unfair treatment does more damage and sticks with you longer than a whack by a pal!

I have not lived here long, so do not have many friends here but I guess I can survive on 1 less!

OP posts:

HoneyDragon · 22/07/2013 22:48

The magic of Mumsnet is you can always find a friendly ear when you need it. Giving you time to make proper friends

I personally would stay the hell away, she just sounds nasty tbh.

Fifi2406 · 22/07/2013 23:08

Well now you've said the rest of the stuff she does she sounds like a complete knob head and you should definitely not be her friend or take your daughter to play with her son

HoneyDragon · 22/07/2013 23:28

There you have it. A unanimous verdict of knob head

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