4 children and losing it.

[EllaBel]

I am a mum to 4 children between 2 and 6, two boys and two girls. We live with my parents at the moment (summer home from abroad) and I am struggling. It seems that the looser my hold on general domestic issues and overall daily planning, the harder it is to keep the ball rolling without losing it. By which I mean feeling that one or two or more of the little sprats enter into behavioural trends I need to nip in the bud and I resort to short term methods to do it. I get soooooo cross. Bedtimes are hell. It takes a minimum of 3 hours from bath to sleep. With stories, chats about the day, prayers, hugs and comforting, always without fail ending in me being cross and shouting. I have tried setting clear rules and drawing a clear picture of how it should be, I sometimes manage to get through it with temper intact but it just takes longer. It is not effected by routine - my basic routine is established - they have always been good at routines since birth - and the slight variation to bath or no bath, change in supper times, careful choice of nutrition (no e's) etc seems to have no effect. I am tearing my hair out!!!!! I keep reminding myself that it doesn't matter how long it takes as long as it ends in peace, but actually it does. I get crosser the longer it takes because it seems so unreasonable. BTw the girls (3 and a half and 2 years) fall asleep very easily, it is the boys who resist. And they are not naughty doing it...just totally resistant to sleep. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH....Husband away and Grandpa away. Mum VERY helpful but deals with it in a 'relaxed it doesn't matter way' so if she ever takes it on (GOD BLESS HER) it takes even longer and then is worse the following night. They are tired... not enough sleep all round and I really need to adjust the balance somehow......RAMBLE RAMBLE RAMBLE.......
I am at the point where I frown from sun up to sun down and have to be prodded to find the fun.... Depression sits easily on my shoulder. How easy it is to slip into dreadful parenting habits and how difficult it is to see the wood for the trees...

I have a really good book to recommend. "123 magic - effective discipline for children 2-12" by Thomas W Phelan. I know reading a book and putting it into practice are two different things, but the times when I feel like I'm loosing it and end up shouting are the times when I feel my 'disciplining tool bag' is empty and I have no resources at my disposal to get the little rascals to do what I am asking. When I find myself getting into bad habits I delve into this book to remind myself about efficient discipline.

It sounds like they're going to bed reasonably ok but not going to sleep. I would say as long as they stay in bed and are reasonably quiet, just let them be. But is the problem that they get up? Are demanding you? Are you getting " I'm hungry" " I'm thirsty" "these pjs itch" etc

As for your struggles during the day... Please read this book and arm yourself with tools to tackle the little darlings. Best of luck.

Could you get the girls to bed earlier (your mom entertains the boys while you do that). Then get the boys down. What time do you want the boys to be in bed (and what time up in the morning).

Ljob08 - thank you for the book recommendation - I am getting to grips with the theories in a book called Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting by Noel Janis-Norton, but you are right the more 'weapons in my armory...' not that it should feel like a battle or anything....
I have just come downstairs from tonight's routine (9pm) temper intact, thanks I think to airing my struggles and the focusing effect that has. , I gave myself some 'stages' to work too. Stage 1, you may talk as long as you are lying down (they share a room) If you move around then you come to stage 2, you are have to be quiet in bed, followed by stage 3, Son2 removed to start in my bed.... not a long term solution but an effective way of keeping myself in check. And by then they were exhausted and ready to sleep.
lljk - Good idea, earlier bedtime for the girls only that I think the boys coming upstairs would rouse interest in them if they hadn't fallen asleep by then, but it is worth a go. Son1 gets up at 6 every morning (he would get up earlier but is willing to wait for the clock for the sanity of the household. He also knows not to wake anyone else and goes downstairs to play by himself. Son 2 may sleep for another hour depending....
I think I need to make a plan. and be clear about when I want them to go down. So far I have just been reeling from the fact that it is so late and disbelievingly watching the clock each night.

And so I make a start, maybe all the daytime stuff is related to their lack of sleep... and if I manage it carefully I can get myself together again. Phew. HARD WORK. I would love not to be a knackered disheartened mother, I vowed never to be. It reminds me of a cartoon I once say which said something like "My children stop me from being the parent I know I can be" D'uh...