baby ended up on the floor twice in 2 days (long post sorry)

[notanyanymore]

OK, I have 3 dd's age 4.5, 3 and 5 months. When dd3 was born I really didn't want the other 2 to feel at all pushed out (especially dd2, gong from being the baby to being the 'middle child') so I tried my best to explain that dd3 was a baby and we had to be very careful etc, whilst not being too 'get off the baby' IFYSWIM.
But I've obviously gone wrong somewhere. They all revel in each others company so that parts worked out fine, but yesterday whilst I was on the phone in the kitchen (to the doctors of all people!) suddenly there's a big scream and I ran in to find the baby swing lying on its side and my poor baby screaming. Luckily she wasn't injured (it is pure luck tho!), I couldn't even speak to dd1 initially I was too shocked (she'd been trying to move it so dd3 could watch cbeebies, it wasn't done out of any kind of spite). But I did speak to her and explain and hoped that would be the last of it. But today I popped dd3 in her bumbo seat and settled the other 2 either side on cushions with cbeebies and a drink whilst I went and put the dinner on... Cue another scream and I run in to find they've knocked over the bumbo seat! Again dd3 is fine but how to I get through to them? Or do I need to get a sling and keep her with me? I feel like I've concentrated too much on sibling jealousy and ended up putting my baby in danger. I honestly don't know what to do from here. When dd3 was tiny I made the mistake of popping her into her moses basket and leaving dd2 playing in the same room whilst I nipped the rubbish out to the bin, on my way back to the back door there's dd2 holding dd3 having picked her out of the basket and carried her across wood and stone flooring! Its my fault this has happened (3 times!!!!) But how do I stop it?

Well. It's very, very normal...and DD1 is only 4. That's small still; I do think you've taken it rather for granted that two tiny girls are fine to be left alone with a little baby....5 months is a bit too little to leave with sisters I think but that's my opinion.

But it isn't your fault...whatever you do as a parent, one of your DC will try to break the other. I wouldn't leave them alone with her now.

I am expecting number 3, dd2 will be nearly 2 when the baby is born. She likes to drop her older sister's baby doll on the floor and poke it's eyes.

To avoid that happening to the new baby my strategy, if I have to leave the room, is going to be to put the baby mat/chair in the playpen where she can't get to the baby or in the kitchen with the safety gate closed so that dd2 can't get in. The cot is another option, if you have one.

My eldest was fine to be left with her sister at 3, but she has younger cousins so she already knew how to behave around babies and is quite a sensible child anyway.

You can't leave your baby alone with the other children I'm afraid.

I can't leave mine with my 5 year old ds (he was 4 when she was born) - he just couldn't be trusted, and wasn't strong enough to carry her.

Don't leave them on their own together! If 3 and 4 year olds could be trusted with babies, the childcare industry would collapse

Unfortunately I agree with the others, you'll have to takethe baby everywhere with you at the moment. They are all so little they won't understand.

I used to have a cheap spare bouncy chair in the kitchen that I could pop the baby into rather than having to move stuff about.

I have 4 ds age 5,4,2 and 3 months. Whilst they all clearly live the baby I NEVER leave the baby unattended with any of them and never left any of them unattended with their siblings as baby.
The thing is, they think they are being lovely and looking after the baby but have no concept of how what they are doing could go wrong. E.g "I love my little brother so I shall do a little dance to amuse him with my light sabre and pretend to be darth vader for him" (yes really). They don't realise that will turn into tripping and falling with the light sabre on to him (but because I was there I can catch them and stop it!). All sorts of stuff where the intentions are good but the outcome might not be if an adult isn't there.
You just can't leave baby unattended.
If you really need to, put baby in a playpen in the swing, with the older two outside the playpen!

*love

We got a travel cot/playpen for ds3. Ds's 1&2 were 10 (SEN) & 8 and fairly trustworthy but better safe than sorry.

I think it is easy to forget how young your "big" children are when you have a new baby.

You are seriously overestimating their understanding and capability. They are way too young to risk leaving your baby alone with them.

I second the idea of stair gates in doorways. Take the baby with you at all times. Have a bouncy chair or similar that you can take from room to room so you can sit her in it while you prepare dinner or whatever.

I wouldn't even leave the baby in a playpen out of your sight. I can just imagine the older ones poking things into the play pen, trying to climb in with the baby, and tipping the whole thing over. Not worth the risk IMO.

Don't leave baby. Full stop.

Dd and dsd were both 4 when ds3 came along, they loved him so much that it was impossible to leave any of them alone with him. It just wasn't safe they would practically sit on his knee in the bouncer.

Another one with 3DC (4, 2 and 6 months).
When DC3 was about 3 weeks old I made the mistake of leaving him in his car seat in the front room with the other two. DC2 thought it'd be fun to pull the car seat around the room (!) and DC3 fell out. No tears, just a bit shocked. Needless to say I have never left them alone again!

The main risks are that they think they're being 'nice' - stuff like trying to pick him up, piling toys on him etc. Even my 4 year old, who is very sensible, makes some very silly decisions - she is only 4 after all.

I don't think you've done anything wrong and it isn't your DCs being malicious.

You just have to ride it out!
I have a swing in the bedroom upstairs and a door bouncer. Downstairs I have a bouncy chair and a walker in the front room, high chair in the kitchen and a bumbo which moves from room to room (wherever I am!)

You are of course all absolutely right! I had the swing because its so big and sturdy I thought if I needed to nip to the loo or something I could pop the baby in there and what with the activity bars etc they wouldn't be able to accidentally do her any harm. I can't believe how dumb i've been it never even crossed my mind I couldn't leave the siblings together for 5 mins in a desperate room, especially as the kitchen is only next door. I'll take heed now as I think I've been extremely lucky so far! Thanks for all your replies.

or a separate* room!

:o at a "desperate" room. Is that where you go to wring your hands?!

I think your intentions were really good, but the reality is, as you appreciate, that for the next few months at least you to worry less about them feeling pushed out and more about the baby's physical safety. But I also think you've clearly done a very good job at making the older ones feel secure and involved, which is great.

My very lovely nephew hit his new baby sister on the head with a wooden hammer when she was weeks old. He was 4 and very nice generally! She's fine now...24 and fabulous!

One of my siblings pushed me off the sofa as a 3 month old when my mother turned her back for about 30 seconds. Then claimed I asked them too

thanks neomaxi these things do happen and luckily babies do appear to be surprisingly tough (or bouncy) I kept worrying she might have a non apparent head injury but she is completely her usual self.
I read a jodi picoualt book whilst pregnant (silly thing to do) and an errant thought of "I'm surprised she hasn't written a book where a young child accidently kills its baby sibling and parents deal with it by pretending it never happened... Sounds like her kind of storyline." Know I feel like I've tempted karma as I also read all about strokes in young people and promptly had one 5 days after she was born. I sound insane!

secondcoming ...that's really cheered me up! (Sorry!)
twirlyhot that sounds just like the response dd2 would give me! That's the problem tho, it can all happen so quickly, and its not always easy to have them with you/in your sight at all times. I also have a 1 yr old I look after 3 days a week so its a bit of a juggling act. That's why whilst I want to effectively impress on them that they can talk/sing/kiss dd3 buy they must not try to move her/what she's in or pass anything to her, AT ALL. And I'd like to avoid having to put dd3 up in her cot every time I need to do something I can't do whilst holding her/taking her with (I don't like having her in the kitchen when cooking because of hot fat/water and can't take her along to put the 1 yr old down for her naps) as that seems like I'm putting her somehow outside of things. But obviously I don't want to risk her physical well being either. There's obviously a very simple solution to this as people manage it the world over!

When mine were this age I did all my cooking after they had gone to bed. I cooked and froze in bulk, so I only had to cook a couple of times a week.

Every meal was something defrosted and heated. It made life so much easier.